Dump him. He's using the need to keep the relationship on the DL as an excuse to womanize females. You're doing the right thing by keeping things professional and he's running around acting the tool.
His method wouldn't work anyway. It's not like when The Joker stages a bunch of crimes to distract Batman from the fact that he's stealing the Hope Diamond from the Gotham City museum. People will wonder why he's avoiding you and assume you guys are sleeping together or have recently broken up. Plus, he's making you look bad. When you eventually tell a coworker that you're dating, you'll just look like a sucker for being with a guy who's a huge flirt.
I remember in 8th grade when we discovered that our science teacher was marrying one of the English teachers. You know how we found out? The English teacher changed her last name. They kept their relationship quiet and professional; our science teacher wasn't going around hitting on the new Algebra teacher to throw everyone off the trail. My point is, you can date at work and keep it a secret from your students and coworkers. And trust me: I was a nosy middle schooler. It's not like I didn't try to suss out some potential gossip.
Workplace relationships are tough. The most important part is make sure that you treat each other with the same respect and courtesy that you afford to any other coworker. Personal issues are invariably going to bleed into the workplace, and no one is perfect, but for the sake of both of your jobs you have to keep it out of the office. So far, he's failed this crucial step. He's making you jealous and uncomfortable in the workplace--which could lead to tension and awkwardness--and he's straight up flirting with other ladies right in front of you. Would you put up with his behavior if you were out to dinner or at a bar together? Hiding behind the need for secrecy is a sneaky, underhanded ploy. Clearly he's not worth the potential risk to your employment.
His method wouldn't work anyway. It's not like when The Joker stages a bunch of crimes to distract Batman from the fact that he's stealing the Hope Diamond from the Gotham City museum. People will wonder why he's avoiding you and assume you guys are sleeping together or have recently broken up. Plus, he's making you look bad. When you eventually tell a coworker that you're dating, you'll just look like a sucker for being with a guy who's a huge flirt.
I remember in 8th grade when we discovered that our science teacher was marrying one of the English teachers. You know how we found out? The English teacher changed her last name. They kept their relationship quiet and professional; our science teacher wasn't going around hitting on the new Algebra teacher to throw everyone off the trail. My point is, you can date at work and keep it a secret from your students and coworkers. And trust me: I was a nosy middle schooler. It's not like I didn't try to suss out some potential gossip.
Workplace relationships are tough. The most important part is make sure that you treat each other with the same respect and courtesy that you afford to any other coworker. Personal issues are invariably going to bleed into the workplace, and no one is perfect, but for the sake of both of your jobs you have to keep it out of the office. So far, he's failed this crucial step. He's making you jealous and uncomfortable in the workplace--which could lead to tension and awkwardness--and he's straight up flirting with other ladies right in front of you. Would you put up with his behavior if you were out to dinner or at a bar together? Hiding behind the need for secrecy is a sneaky, underhanded ploy. Clearly he's not worth the potential risk to your employment.
I normally 100% agree with the answers that you give 100 percent.....this one has some hit and miss points with me.
Firstly we don't know what rules there employer has. Some companies have strict rules about employees dating one another. Not saying this is the case here but it is something to consider.
Second, we don't know how much time they spend together, what kind of relationship they have or if he is like this places other than work. Seeing that she is still with him I would say he mostly likely isn't tho.
My advice on this would be to talk to him about it. I agree that he's going about this in a very very pathetic way, but maybe he is just as nervous as she is.
If dating is not prohibited where you work then Nick hit this dead on!!
Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it.
Even if he thinks he's helping to hide their relationship, his actions seem pretty jerky. Granted, yes, we don't know whether she's reading into his behavior. Maybe he's just really friendly. But if he actually is flirting with every other female teacher in the school right in front of her, that seems pretty rough. He can hide their relationship without also making her feel like dirt.
It sounds to me like he's not ready to commit to her yet and hiding behind the "we have to keep this on the down low" excuse. Talking to him about it is a good idea if she wants to give him another chance to make the relationship work. If he doesn't stop, it might be time to call it quits.
my mom dated and married her coworker, who in turn cheated on her with many other women in her department and caused the marriage to fall apart. (this all happened before she met my dad) what i'm trying to say is that work relationships can be tricky and dangerous, and i think that you need to be really careful about what happens. if things go sour, you have to see this person everyday until he or you gets a new job. i think its best to have a solid relationship before you go into the job. otherwise, it could have a lot of extra friction.
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