If you are staying purely for your son, you are doing all three of you a huge injustice.
Your son:
My reading of your question is that your son is not this man's child, right? How long you gonna stay with him?
Long enough for the guy to become completely "Dad" to your son? Long enough for your son to leave home and then have to deal with the guilt of knowing you stayed together for his sake? Kids are not stupid, not by a long shot. They may not know what is wrong, but they usually know when something is wrong. Then they pretty much assume it is their fault.
Your man:
Does he even know how you feel? If the companionship is great, does he know you want and need more? How about him - does he want, need or indeed deserve more than you are giving him? Are you ripping off his chance of happiness here?
You:
You didn't stop being a person when you became a mother. It just feels like it some days. You are only 44, which is plenty young enough to get a few sparks back into your life.
Your real choice is who with.
You must have got together with your guy for some reason beyond being companions. Look at it carefully, do you have any chance of getting the flame going again? Do you have any interest in getting the flame going again?
I can't answer you in the way you want to hear. Just give you more questions. I can tell you one thing though.
WHAT IF is always there for everyone. Every decision you make leads to a what if. And the grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but there is probably a lot of fertilizer been put down there.
absolutely brilliant MM. that last line kills.
Nice answer MM. I'd like to add something, it's what ultimately made me leave my husband: Is this the kind of relationship I want to model for my child?
My parents were either at each other's throats or icy, but then my mom left. She explained that they couldn't give each other the kind of love the other one needed. They each went on to model very different, but both very loving relationships.
I took a page from their book. My daughter and I lived without a man for a few years. I dated a man for two years before we moved in together. He's now my Mr. Mom.
My marriage was not worth salvaging. Is your relationship worth fighting for? Putting the effort in is a good model too. If not, do you want your son to think that he shouldn't expect passion in his relationships as an adult?
Only you can answer that.
good point. i remember desperately trying to save my marriage for the sake of my child, until i realized that a home with one happy parent was better for my son than a home with two miserable ones. it is a tough call to make though, good for you!
I have discuss this with my man. He seems happy with the way things are going. He doesn't see anything wrong with the way things are. We have been together for two years 3 months. My son call him dad every once in a while. We haven't been intimate in over 6 months. The last time we were together, I couldnt finish bcuz there was nothing there. He just laid there. I told him then and there. He said sorry was just doing for you. When he touches me it like he is hugging his sister. I get peg. He rather have it with himself than with me. So I feel its mainly me. I am not a quitter. I will stay with him no matter what. I keep hoping things will change. The pressure is get intense to get married by everyone. At church, at friends, by family. So that is why I am asking now. I feel I need help making this decision. Our Wedding Date is fast approaching. January 28,. Yes I have heard this from my Boss and my Pastor, "That Love is a choice" You choose to love someone an then work at it everday.
I dunno what to say. The guy is so not doing it for you that I'd normally automatically say leave, but something is stopping me this time. I dunno - that feeling like he is hugging his sister is bothering me a lot. The sex thing, not so much - there are dry spells in every sex life.
Love is a choice. Your choice. It's not about quitting, or sticking things out, but one simple fact. Do you love him? Does he love you? Answer that and work from there.
Thank you for taking the time to answer my question. I guess I have made my choice. I made a commitment to love him when I moved in. I do love him and I do feel he loves me. He shows me he loves me in his ways. I just have to believe and have faith that The Lord has a plan for him and me. He is a great man. There is just one small thing. Just that special feeling. You know that feeling. I know no one can make me happy but me. So I choose to be happy with what I have. Once again Thank you.
I have a 16year old boy from my privios relationship and nw have a 7month baby with this new guy who I leave with but he doesn't want my son to stay with us he says is his house my son is my problem.
When I move in with him it was only till after the baby is born but now he doesn't want me to move out and doesn't want my son to stay there aswel.
I want to move out I think if you love someone you have to put up with them and what they have.
Do you think I am doing the right thing or shal I stay and rent somewhere where my son stay?