I wanted to try and answer this question because I think I know everything, but I also want to say right off the bat that in some ways, I have no business answering it. I got married this fiscal year, and am in my mid-20's (not sure where exactly; I have a team looking into it). But, I have been with my wife for almost eight years now, and I feel like I've learned a little about the stages of a relationship beyond the initial ones.

For my money, this is the single most important question in a relationship. How the hell do you make it last, and make it mean something, after the thrill is gone? And make no mistake: it goes. But it also comes back. Something I've found is that feelings of love for your partner tend to swell and fade in big, months-long cycles, and our cycles don't always line up. So have patience. After the first few years, you settle into what I and the Red Hot Chili Peppers call "the roller coaster (of love)." Bet you didn't know that song was about long-term monogamy!

I did a post a while back about what's going on chemically here, but suffice to say that it's perfectly natural to lose the "spark" or "fire" or "insert incendiary metaphor here" after a while. The trick is, that spark is supposed to be replaced by a deep sense of connection, loyalty, respect, and Love (again, a chemical).

And I mean real love, not that grade school weak sauce lust bullshit. When I say I love my wife now, it means I would literally take a bullet for her, would track down and kill anyone who threatened her well-being. When I said it back when we were first dating, it mostly meant I really wanted to have sex at that time.

And yes, there are ways to nurture that feeling. Sex is a good one, and I'm not just saying that because I'm a dude. During sex, both partners release Oxytocin, the same chemical that bonds mother to child and that's supposed to keep couples like you together for the long haul. It's also called "the cuddle hormone," which is just adorable.

But that's the loyalty and the deep bond. What if you want some of that old magic back? Well, the bad news is that you'll never get it back by doing the same things you've been doing for eight years. That's biochemical reality. Love is a drug (Roxy Music, how wise you are), and like any drug you get habituated to it.

If you really want some excitement back in your relationship, you'll need to break out a little bit, do something wild. All excitement comes from breaking a personal taboo, doing something with a sense of danger to it. When you were first dating, just having this weird new person around kissing you was probably enough. That wears off. So now, if you want to get the engine revving, you've got to try something new.

And not just in the sack (although that's a great place to start). Take a vacation together, somewhere you never thought you'd go. Myanmar. The Philippines. Montana. If you've never been to an opera, do that. Or a play. Roleplay in the bedroom. Go dancing. Go to a swinger's club and watch strangers have sex, or jump out of a plane together. Whatever's in the right "that sounds kind of scary, but still fun" range.

If it's totally his problem (which, for the record, is almost never the case), talk about it. Guilting him about it or yelling aren't going to solve the problem, but calmly and confidently telling him that you've felt distant or disconnected could give him a much-needed wake up call.

And if he's just a lazy S.O.B. who's started checking out of the relationship, then couples counseling could be in order. It's ALWAYS useful to get the advice and perspective of a third party. In my opinion, every couple could benefit from a little counseling now and then, and it's a shame people see it as such a "doom and gloom" situation. It should feel more like an oil change; regular relationship maintenance.

The key is that you're both still invested in this relationship and interested in working on it. You clearly are, or you wouldn't be here. If he is, then the road to success is laid out before you. If he's not, then there's not a lot you're going to be able to do on your own. It takes two, babe.

There, music reference trifecta complete.