Of course not. He's being a tool. Sure, it's nice that he says you're beautiful, but his actions belie his words, and actions make their point at a much higher volume.
I will never understand men who make their wives feel insecure. For starters, why needlessly hurt someone you profess to love? Whether men do it intentionally or not, the end result is the same, so "I didn't mean to" is no excuse. To me, "I didn't mean to" translates to "I didn't give enough of a damn to think about how you were feeling."
Men who make their wives feel unattractive are just shooting themselves in the foot, anyway. An insecure wife is an unhappy wife, and an unhappy wife eventually means a miserable husband. A woman who's insecure about her body is also less likely to get naked in front of her man, as you point out, which means less nookie for Mr. I-Gawk-At-Anything-With-Boobs.
Given your husband's actions, it is perfectly normal that you feel insecure. Normal, but not acceptable. You need to level with him and tell him how you feel. He can say he thinks you are beautiful all the live-long day, but as long as he's constantly drooling over other women, his words ring hollow. His habit is also incredibly disrespectful, and he needs to stop.
Tell him to knock it off. That's what my wife does. She'll say, "I don't like it when you _______," and I stop doing whatever it is. Common courtesy -- and not rocket science, so even your guy can grasp it.
Well said!
"I didn't mean to" translates to "I didn't give enough of a damn to think about how you were feeling." Yes. That's it exactly. Great answer.
Cary, great response - as usual. Perhaps they could change you name to "Very Wise-Ass."
"I didn't mean to" could also translate to "I didn't mean to ... get caught."
Exactly.
cary, with wisdom such as yours, you make your wife a very lucky woman!
why cant most guys figure this out? Its not rocket science!
sorry for hijacking the post.
just saw the tags and had a vision of you acting like a 12 year old excited, bright eyed boy....very amusing to say the least....makes me wonder how high pitched you could make you voice go.
Even a guy who drives a Ferrari is going to stop and look at an Aston Martin drive by.
It's one thing to look...it's another to gawk with your mouth hanging open and drool dribbling down your chin. My ex constantly compared me to women in his nudie mags and then wondered why I felt so insecure around him. I'm realistic; I know guys look at women. However, doing this overtly in front of your wife (or long-time girlfriend) is quite disrespectful.
Get your eyeful if you must, but at least have the courtesy to be discreet.
I agree with jude, here. Realistically, they will look - it's their nature, but gawking is quite a different animal. And making you feel insecure is crossing a boorish line.
I once heard a very renown Christian family counselor say that men looking at a beautiful woman is the same as a dog sniffing a fire hydrant. So, when I see my man looking, I just envision his nose next to that fire hydrant ~ ewww! And then I pinch his ass.
Ahhh, in time my dear. Find someone that respects you the same way you respect others. But remember, he will be alone some day and guess what, there are men that turn their heads to look at you, .... you just don't always see it. Trust me. All in all, he is not meant to be in a relationship. Sorry, can't have your cake and eat it too!
I have brought this situation up with my husband. He will stop listening to me and literally crane his neck to look at other girls, so I TRIED telling him that it is rude. He says that it is rude NOT to look, and if she didn't want people to look, then she wouldn't have worn a skirt so short, or that 'it's normal' for guys to look at other girls, so now when he gawks, I say to him (loud enough for the girl to hear), "Do you want me to get her number for you?" Or I ask him if he wants me to take a picture. He thinks I'm being rude and I tell him, "not as rude as you are". Grrr! why do men ...scuze me, BOYS have to be so difficult?
"his actions belie his words, and actions make their point at a much higher volume"
soooooo true. actions speak louder than words. period.
sometimes, those actions are telling you the truth about who someone really is. be sure to hear that over whatever he might actually be saying...
You're the man, Cary.
I'm married 28 years. This behavior does not stop. Just last night I caught him watching three nude women on tv. He denied it. But, he always does. He does not touch me, not for years. I have gotten used to it. Will not cheat, as that's way too complicated for me. Love and marriage are not what they are cracked up to be. I just wish someone had been honest about what men really want, they like young and different. To throw your life away on someone who turns out to be an inconsiderate excuse of a husband is very painful. I just try to keep busy and productive, knowing this relationship is not what I signed up for. The begging and the efforts to be more attractive and loving are all used up now. He wants a workhorse who does not need love, he's got one.
What a lovely day for a 2658115! SCK was here