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I ask this, Funny Guy, because you just bought a new bed and it seems topical. Cuddling positions in bed. IS there a way to do it without SOMEBODY'S arm going to sleep?

If there is, I have yet to find it. No matter how snugly you and your soul mate fit together, like two puzzle pieces crafted by God or an Iron and Wine song to lock in loving and eternal harmony, that damn right arm under her head, or her elbow jutting into your spine, serves as a constant reminder that in the end, we're just plain shaped weird.

And maybe that's okay. Think of it like a metaphor for a healthy relationship. Things will never be PERFECT. You need to learn to accept the things you cannot change, and appreciate the closeness and connection you can forge in spite of the pins and needles jabbing your foot like so much pincushion.

Come to think of it, I have a problem arraying my arms for sleep in general. Even in bed by myself, it can be a challenge to figure out whether I prefer my arm cupping my head like a melon or sticking straight out like I'm doing semifore. And I've been practicing this for 24 years now. Honestly, removable arms would not be a terrible invention.

Also, my arms are usually asleep just in general. It's called "lazy arm," and it's why I'm typing this with my face. Stunningly articulate for head mashing on keyboard, don't you think?

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15 Comments

belindajulie

Very articulate funny man! Great head banging. Here's another question for ya: how tall are you? Your blog (and old post about why people want to sleep with you) made me wonder. And to echo many women's sentiments.... we love tall guys. Even the freakishly tall ones.

Megan

Long men have more abilities. Like superman abilities. It's hot.

AngelBabyGirl

:-( sad because I've yet to figure out how to sleep in the monstrous size bed the hubbs just purchased. *tear* I dont even know him anymore.

TheMetalHead

I demand footage of this alleged face-typing.

As for the question, I believe the webcomic XKCD provided the best solution: Cut a hole in the mattress and put a Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots game on the floor so you have something to do.

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Bonus points for the XKCD reference. I second this invention wholeheartedly.

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you are a crazy person, Michael. Good for you.

grayeyeddame

I must be weird because I have never had any problems cuddling, but then I am soft and cushy lol, I naturally sleep with my arm under my pillow so that gives me an arm to throw around someone and pull them close

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how are your tags always so funny? The human body is a sideshow, indeed.

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haha Megan. So true. They're much more fun to play with;)

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Though I'm sure you know it, Funny Guy, "Such Great Heights" was originally a Postal Service song. But the Iron and Wine version is way more cuddle-friendly.

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whoah, swaim.. you're only 24??

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"the human body is a sideshow"

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Iron and Wine is super ballin.

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ok, try this. him on his side or stomach, you behind him. he gets comfortable in whatever way he needs to, then you drape one arm over him, and lower arm goes under his pillow. it works for me, and ive never lost circulation because of it. i literally sleep all night like that.

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I have actually found a comfortable position in a modified spooning position with my boyfriend.
I lay on a hip and stomach partially, hands in front, while he lays over me with his arms around my hips.

His arm has yet to fall asleep, and we've been cuddling for about 3 months now. It might be an individual case, but I hope it helps someone else out as well

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