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I broke almost 60 days of No Contact to cuss out my ex when I found out he had a new girlfriend.I told him I hated him and never wanted to talk to him again and that he was the worst thing to ever happen to me.I had taken the high road and feel like I completely embarrassed myself and look pathetic.What should I do?

First off, don't worry. It happens. Yes, it wasn't the best way to handle the situation. But clearly you had some unresolved feelings that came up once you discovered that he has a new girlfriend. This is the downside of the "No Contact" rule-- you thought that zero contact would make you get over him faster, when in fact it built up resentments, feelings, and unresolved emotions. Perhaps you had gotten over him, but hearing about his ex brought back all the emotions and issues from the break-up.

Send him an e-mail. Tell him that you're sorry for how you acted. It was an emotional response that came from pent-up feelings. Explain what caused you to react that way. Let him know that the news of his girlfriend caused you to verbally lash out at him. If you didn't mean those things, let him know. Apologize, wish him well, and continue to go your separate ways.

However, if there are things that you need to say to him, say them. Do whatever you need to do to get closure. If that means never seeing him after you hit "send," then do that. If you need to talk things out in person, ask if he wants to meet for coffee or talk on the phone. Do not go over to his house, invite him over, go out for drinks, or create any other situation that might lead to a fight or awkwardness with his new girlfriend. Right now you need to ensure that you won't have another blow-up. If that means talking things out one last time, propose that idea. (However, be prepared for the possibility that he may not want to see you.) The e-mail apology is probably your best bet. After that, go back to zero contact. For one thing, it's unfair to the new girlfriend if you're in the picture. You had your emotional response to his new relationship. Now it is time to apologize and move on.
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6 Comments

Britannia

Personally, I don't think that it's your ex's responsibility to help you get over the breakup. It was REALLY out of line for you to cuss him out for getting a new girlfriend -- he's your EX, you don't have claim on him anymore and he can do whatever he wants to do. I would suggest talking this out with friends, family, or a therapist, instead of taking it out on your ex. He will probably not be a kind or willing ear, and it's simply not his responsibility to be an emotional support for you anymore. Talking to him about these things when you have such volatile emotions will just continue to make you feel pathetic, because the object of your anger is NOT the proper outlet for said anger. Get thee to a compassionate source of support and guidance.

Nick Nadel

Agreed. But an apology couldn't hurt. If nothing else, it'll make her feel less guilty for venting. Then go back to no contact.

user-pic

I think both of you have good point. Yes, absolutely once a breakup is done, the exes don't have any obligation morally to support or help.

Still, the OP acted rudely in this particular situation, her actions were uncalled for, and an apology would be the polite, civil thing to do.

Honestly, I never got why some women, particularly if they were the ones who initiated the breakup, even care if their ex-BF finds a new woman, immediately after the breakup. They didn't want him anymore so why should it bother them another woman would want him?

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I have to say that for the last couple of hours i have been hooked by the impressive articles on this site. Keep up the wonderful work.

user-pic

hahha I agree

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