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I can't stop cyber-stalking my boyfriend's ex! He won't talk to me about his ex, so everything I know about her, I found out online. How can I stop obsessing over this?

You've gotta stop. Get one of those programs that offices use to block certain sites and block her Facebook page, Twitter, Google results, whatever. I know it's tempting, but you need to respect his wishes. Exert some self-control, and try to be content with your relationship.

Clearly there is some reason why he doesn't want to talk about her. Maybe it was a messy break-up, or maybe he doesn't want you to get jealous. And, yes, maybe he still harbors some feelings for her and talking about her is difficult. But he's with you now. Unless you suspect that he's flirting with her behind your back, she is in the past. You will drive yourself crazy thinking about her, and all you'll end up learning is that she went to Rutgers undergrad or that her favorite movie is Clueless. You're not going to get any insight into why they broke up, or why he ever dated her in the first place. You're just going to get useless facts about someone that is no longer in his life.

It is way too easy now to dig up dirt on your significant others' ex or exes. It used to be, the most you had to worry about was bumping into an ex at the movies or, say, the malt shop. In middle school, I had an ex who worked at the Orange Julius in the mall, so my then girlfriend and I steered clear. No great loss--there were like seven Orange Juliuses (Orange Julii?) in the area. Now you can find out everything there is to know about his ex short of her social security number with a few clicks of a mouse. (And you could probably get that if you're super shady.)

And, yes, he's kind of naive if he thinks you weren't going to do that, particularly since he's made his ex this big secret. It's like your dad warning you not to go into his "secret awesome special closest," and then getting angry when you sneak a peek and find your Christmas presents. What he should have done is give you a few crumbs about her to keep you satisfied and get you off the trail, but it's too late for that.

So be the bigger person and forget that she exists. Already you've gone behind his back to learn things he would rather keep private. If you're going to have a trusting relationship, you need to move on. Nothing good can come from learning things about her. Block her info. Pretend like it's 20 years ago and you don't have her entire life at your fingertips. Otherwise you're going to lose him, and be left with nothing but a Web browser filled with information about his ex-girlfriend.
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3 Comments

aspiringgeekygirl

Err guilty of this one aggh. I got into big trouble with my guy friend over this but now I have changed.

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I have to say that for the past couple of hours i have been hooked by the impressive articles on this site. Keep up the wonderful work.

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hahha I agree

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