Congrats on gaining some confidence. Too bad it came at the expense of someone who cared about you. If you're not careful, this could be the first step to becoming a total douchebag. Look forward to you cutting me off in traffic and speeding away with zero remorse!
Listen, you can feel whatever you want. If you don't feel bad, that's on you. But I'm not absolving you. What you did was wrong. Now you should learn from this experience. You should learn that hurting someone else will not ultimately boost your confidence. You might feel good about yourself now, but what happens when your guy finds out, dumps you, and you're left all alone? Does the guy you cheated with want to be with you? It sounds like you hurt a nice guy who maybe needed time to be brought out of his own shell.
Also, you act like the cheating was his fault. Was he abusive? Did he damage your confidence through insults? No? He was just shy? If that's all it was, you're a pretty bad person for blaming him for not boosting your ego. Ultimately, that has to come from you. No one person can pull you out of your shell. Dating a guy who lacks confidence might be grounds for a break-up, but not for cheating.
Obviously it wasn't working out with your boyfriend. You needed someone more assertive who would bring you out of your shell. It's a shame it happened this way. A real confidence booster would have been to realize that you needed to broaden your horizons, and that it wasn't going to happen with this guy. Then you should have dumped him. Not cheated and kept it a secret.
Hopefully the act of hurting someone wasn't what brought you out of your shell. If you're concerned that you don't feel anything, there is still hope. Clearly what you needed was to take action and be with someone who made you feel confident and sexy. That could have been accomplished without hurting someone. Now you need to tell your boyfriend. It will be character building and give you humility, the mark of any truly confident person. We all mistakes--particularly when we're young. The only way you become a better (and more confident) person is by facing these mistakes and dealing with consequences. Otherwise you'll just go through life as one of those soulless tools who doesn't say thank you when someone holds the door for them. Those people are the worst. Don't be like that. Do the right thing, and you'll suddenly gain the confidence you've sorely lacked.
Listen, you can feel whatever you want. If you don't feel bad, that's on you. But I'm not absolving you. What you did was wrong. Now you should learn from this experience. You should learn that hurting someone else will not ultimately boost your confidence. You might feel good about yourself now, but what happens when your guy finds out, dumps you, and you're left all alone? Does the guy you cheated with want to be with you? It sounds like you hurt a nice guy who maybe needed time to be brought out of his own shell.
Also, you act like the cheating was his fault. Was he abusive? Did he damage your confidence through insults? No? He was just shy? If that's all it was, you're a pretty bad person for blaming him for not boosting your ego. Ultimately, that has to come from you. No one person can pull you out of your shell. Dating a guy who lacks confidence might be grounds for a break-up, but not for cheating.
Obviously it wasn't working out with your boyfriend. You needed someone more assertive who would bring you out of your shell. It's a shame it happened this way. A real confidence booster would have been to realize that you needed to broaden your horizons, and that it wasn't going to happen with this guy. Then you should have dumped him. Not cheated and kept it a secret.
Hopefully the act of hurting someone wasn't what brought you out of your shell. If you're concerned that you don't feel anything, there is still hope. Clearly what you needed was to take action and be with someone who made you feel confident and sexy. That could have been accomplished without hurting someone. Now you need to tell your boyfriend. It will be character building and give you humility, the mark of any truly confident person. We all mistakes--particularly when we're young. The only way you become a better (and more confident) person is by facing these mistakes and dealing with consequences. Otherwise you'll just go through life as one of those soulless tools who doesn't say thank you when someone holds the door for them. Those people are the worst. Don't be like that. Do the right thing, and you'll suddenly gain the confidence you've sorely lacked.
This kind of behaviour really bothers me. If you're unhappy with someone, break-up with them and leave yourself open to meeting someone else. Don't just stay with them, until somebody better comes along and then do the dirt on them! You owe them the respect to have a conversation and end things.
If I were your "assertive" guy, I wouldn't want you: you're a cheater, why would I go out with you? And maybe "assertive" guy only wanted you cos he knew you were in a couple and that made you a challenge.
Seriously, bad form. When this relationship-karma catches up with you (and it always does) you'll know how your shy guy felt when the girl he was going out with cheated on him.
At the very least, you need to tell him, so he can make an informed decision about whether or not he wants to keep you around.
I agree.
LAY OFF people! It sound to me like she's just too young to be committed. She was with this guy for ONE month. That's not really a boyfriend anyway. What she should take away from this "bad behavior" is that at this point in her life playing the field is probably best. Get some experience and confidence with the boys, then pick one that is more suited to her. We all did stuff like this when we were young. Called "one month" a relationship while still looking at the grass on the other side of the fence. I absolve you, little girl. Now break it off and go LIVE, LOVE and LEARN.
I hope I never run into you, because you just sound like a total selfish "independent" paphetic asshole. It is people like you that don't deserve someone decent, because all you can do is hurt them for your own pleasure. If you actually think young people will ever find true happiness by fooling around with every hot person they can get, simply for "experience", then you should feel ashamed. People like you or like that selfish whore who started this topic have no feelings towards the opposite sex whatsoever, treating them like products instead of living persons with true feelings. If a cute girl would ever dare make a move on me, and I find out she's been with at least a dozen of guys for a short period of time, she can kiss my ass goodbye. It truely is an outrage and a shame that people think this way, they will never find the one.
LAY OFF people! It sounds to me like she's just too green for a committed relationship. They were together ONE month! What she should take away from this "bad behavior" is that right now she needs to be playing the field, getting more experience and confidence, so that she can pick the right boy next time. We all did stuff like this when we were young. Calling "one month" a relationship while still eying the grass on the other side of the fence. I absolve you, little girl. Now break it off and go LIVE, LOVE and LEARN!
Hulahuper, I think you're an insensitive clod. NO, we ALL DIDN'T do stuff like this when we were young and some of us don't even do it when we're old! Your attitude is what the problem is with half the people on this planet. "Oops! My bad!" Lay off her yourself if you want to but not me! No way. YOU, Cheating Chicky are a loser. I don't care what anyone says, if you're screwing a guy even after one month, it's a relationship when you drag him along under false pretense. Shame on you. Don't do it to another nice guy!
And as usual, Chic Geek is spot on! :)
I think Hulahuper is right....in one respect only....I think she should have learned that maybe she is to young and immature to be in a commited relationship. But learning something does not absolve you of wrong doing. All actually learning from a mistake means is that your not a total s*** bag. And I'm not sure she's learned her lesson yet. One month may not be a long relationship, it may not even be tha serious of a relationship (and we're not counting the months of poor mr shy guy spent ghetting up the nerve to talk to her and then flirt with her and all before the relationship) but it's enough time for someone to feel used and betrayed. It doesn't matter if they had only been going steady an hour or a year she still betrayed his trust. That's the problem here. What she should learn here is A) don't make promises you can't keep B) no matter how old fashioned is sounds, your word and your honor are the most valable things you posses and the confidence people have in you (aka wether they trust you) is a pretty good indicator of your character and C) she needs to grow up a little more before she commits herself to anyone ,.....your right about that one Hulahuper
question...how are you conservative if you're screwing a different guy when you already have a boyfriend? Especially after one month...just wondering.
Have you heard of....KARMA?
Yea, she's A REEEAAL BITCH!!!!!!!!
there are just things we don't want to happen or do.. but the next thing you notice your on board and doing that 'i-swear i won't do it cruise" -
Cheating is not excusable. Ever. If you really loved/liked your current partner enough to date them, you would have no desire to cheat. People cheat because they don't care about their partner(or they're just compulsive cheaters). The fact that you don't regret doing it is more evidence that you don't really like him.
The cheating was bad enough, yanking your shy guy around is cruel.