Traditionally, on a talk show, but I'm assuming time is of the essence here.
What you're really asking me is "Is there a way to tell him that isn't going to be really hurtful and unpleasant for both sides?" and the answer is, sorry, no. You deserve credit since you obviously haven't considered lying to him, and frankly that puts you ahead of a lot of people in this department.
Go with that impulse to be honest. Yes, it is probably going to be ugly. He's probably going to be hurt. But it's a lot better than the alternative. Good luck.
Karma is a bad mofo..., isn't it?!
to cheat is stupid. to cheat without protection is stupid and irresponsible. to cheat without protection and then go online looking for an easy and unpleasant way out of it...makes MY brain hurt. are you even sure the person you cheated with is the father? of course it will be ugly, that's an ugly bed you made! there is no HOW, there is only DO. and dont forget that there is a whole OTHER PERSON in the mix you haven't mentioned. no matter what your choice is, you need to do right by that person FIRST. man up, woman. there are a lot of mamas that walked in your shoes and did the right thing even when they didnt want to. what you want and how to make this easiest for you doesn't even matter at this point and won't until you start telling the truth and acting like a grownup.
You sure wrote a novel of criticism and verbal abuse on a subject that the person used ONE SENTENCE to explain her probably complicated situation.
Kudos to you for your compassion.
Wuthering Heights....an example of a novel. throwing stones at a girl for commenting to a cheater isn't exactly an inspiring lesson in compassion. But perhaps I should have been clear where my compassions lie: for the guy who is about to get a kick in the nuts he will never forget, and for the unborn child. yep, the truth hurts. Can't help but wonder how much more livid this thread would be if it were a man asking the question.
What she said...
But you made a lot of assumptions in your comment to the asker, chrissie. I'm no fan of cheating and cheaters, but she came here specifically asking to do the very thing you are beating her over the head about: telling her boyfriend and the other guy. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming she's not trying to make it "easier" on herself as you suggested but, rather, is honestly trying to figure out how to fix this mess of a situation she created. And as others pointed out, you are assuming that she cheated without protection, which may or may not be the case. They might have used a condom, or might not. Maybe she was on birth control (which failed) and used no condom. Who knows?
Speaking of assumptions, I didn't say she did so without protection. I said doing so was stupid and irresponsible. See how that works two ways? Of course I made an assumption that she did so without protection, I'm a freaking scientist for christ's sake. But you DONT NEED TO BE to know the odds of both of those things happening on the ONE time she cheated, are slim to none sweetheart. Sorry but, I have learned not to give the benefit of the doubt to people that start sentences with "I cheated" as their means of introduction.
Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!! What? I'm getting carried away? Oh, sorry about that.
Hem Hem. Seriously, just get it over with and then start working on yourself. Before making other pretty stupid decisions, start educating yourself on protection and whatnot. If you're going to cheat, at least protect your own self. Sheesh.
Holy sh*t, guys, don't all throw stones at once.
I think she gets that she made a mistake. She now has not one, not two, but THREE irrevocable consequences that she has to deal with. She doesn't need everyone here bashing her on what she's done.
She gets it. That's why she's trying to fix what she can. Leave her alone and stop insulting her, it doesn't do anything.
Since it's clear that it's a lesson learned, I for one feel bad for her and hope everything turns out for the best.
Yeah. On top of all this, how would she tell the daddy and the rest of her family?
I'm as devoid of any emotion over something like this though since I am a firm believer of karma. But I do wish the baby and the boyfriend well and hope they come out of this okay. If anything, I just really feel sorry for the child.
This is an impossibly tough spot no one wants to be in. From what the OP has written, she needs to "tell them". Am assuming bf and the lover... She should break up with the bf and tell him that she cheated and has an STD and answer whatever questions he has. Not knowing the circumstances with her lover - not sure she should tell him about pregnancy... She should think about what she should do first...
Telling her boyfriend might be ugly but right now she needs to focus on doing what's right for her baby. The fact that she plans to be honest is good and as hurt as her boyfriend will be at least he'll know the truth. No easy way to do the right thing in a situation like this.
wow reading this question I just thought.... YES JUSTICE!! She needs to break it off with her boyfriend. Why bother telling him about the std and the pregnancy if he wont have neither during the break-up? Also, i dont think you can take anti-biotics while pregnant, cause it will harm the fetus.... if only everyone who cheats got an STD...
You are assuming she has not already had sex with her bf after the 3-week trip. And that the baby is not her bf's...
well, I guess ya, Im assuming that she going to tell her boyfreind about her std before she sleeps with him. In a way I guess youre right that I shouldnt think that because she's already proven to be pretty heartless. I couldnt imagine not telling someone i had an std before sleeping with someone, but then again I would never eever cheat so i guess i really cant apply what I would do to her.
I guess I think the fact that she's planning on telling him would suggest she hasn't slept with him because it indicates she knows he would be concerned about it (as any sane person would). Im curious to know what she got honestly. The way she said std makes me think its herpes or simething. Because, if it wasnt you could just not have sex and get that cleared up in a week with meds and then not tell your partner.
FYL.
Get the abortion an get really good birth control and cure that std then tell the bf. I cannot advise ripping people off for your errors.
You can't "advise ripping people off for their errors" but you can openly advise someone to get an abortion? How very bold of you.
If you believe in abortion, then I respect your opinion. But as a general rule, I don't think it's a great idea to casually offer it as a solution to someone before you even know their views on it. It's a touchy, emotional subject for many people.
safe sex isn't 100% safe, you are all assuming she didn't use any protection, but she might have, the odds are bad but I am sure many woman have gotten pregnant and an STD while using a condom, it's not fool proof. And we don't know the circumstances of the cheating. Was it one night? Was it several? Did he take advantage of a drunk bearly concious tourist, or was it a whirlwind romance? I'm not saying there's an excuse, she didnt bother making excuses, which is admirable, but I think a little compassion for all the parties involved is in order, it doesn't hurt any of us in internet land.
“I cheated…” not “I was taken advantage of & now I’m PG with STD.” She kinda put it into perspective of where she was coming from.
I know that if it were me, I would be my own harshest critic and just try to do right going forward. She's trying to figure it out and from what she has posted, she is not defending her actions at all... It takes a month or more to find out you are pregnant. No one ever knows they have an STD until they ask to be tested. If this is a situation where she has cheated only once - she hit the jackpot for trouble...
Because no woman has ever felt guilty after she was taken advantage of, I'm definitely not saying that's what happened, I was just saying she gave minimal information, and we don't know what really happened and she should be treated with a bit of compassion. Everyone makes mistakes and there's alot of stones being thrown here.
That’s true…
soccer fanatic
I am afraid to click this link.
Well, as against cheating as I am, I respect the fact that you're being responsible and honest with him. That warrants more compassion from me that I'd normally give a cheater.
Your situation is very difficult and very unfortunate. Even if the STD is curable/treatable, you may not be able to take the meds for it because you're pregnant. Also depending on what STD it is, there may be a possibility that the child could be born with it. Yes, you are going to have to confess everything to your boyfriend. Tell him about the STD and make him get checked, assuming you've had sex since the cheating took place. Also, you'll have to tell him about the baby. Make sure he isn't the father, and if he isn't, get ready for everyone to know. Unless your boyfriend is EXTREMELY merciful, he's going to make it known that it isn't his kid, if for no reason other than avoiding the "step up and be a good daddy" stuff.
As I said, I commend you for your honesty. Unlike a lot of the questions here, this wasn't a "Do I have to tell him? But I don't wanna! But it's his fault because [insert pathetic excuse used to deflect guilt]..." I wish you the best.
Well, I would suggest for you to go check it and see if the std is transmittable to the baby and what are the long term damage that will take place. Chances are, since you caught it during sex, your baby will get it.
PLEASE DO NOT MAKE THE BABY SUFFER FOR YOUR MISTAKES!
You can go on and on about abortion being the wrong thing to do, but you got the disease when you got laid, but your baby is getting it because YOU got laid!
Are you sure you want him/her to carry the disease for throughout the lifetime if its uncureable?
I do not agree with abortion. But I also do not agree with unnecessary pain to be inflicted onto others. Your choices are as such:-
A) get an abortion, YOU feel guilty about it the rest of your life
B) deliver the baby, watch as she suffers all through her life and feel guilty abt it for the rest of your life
see the difference here?
scenario 1: you suffer
scenario 2: you suffer, you child suffers more than you do, longer than you do and has to bear all the consequences for you just because you couldn't wait 3 weeks to go home and get laid properly by your boyfriend.