Yeah, you're way past that point. You want a friends with benefits situation, and this guy, in the parlance of the Jersey Shore gang, has "caught feelings" for you. We'll put aside the fact that you want to sleep with a guy who is like an older brother to you. That's...whatever. At this point, he's trying to segue your friendship into a relationship. You can certainly try to be all, "Whoa whoa, I just want to bang occasionally when we're bored and then have things not be weird when I complain about that jerk with the neck tattoo who never responds to my texts." But it's a little too late for that now. If he was just looking for sex, he would've made the move during your cuddle session. (Ugh. Having a hard time getting past the older brother thing...) No, this guy is trying to lock you in as a girlfriend.
And do you really think things won't change if you start hooking up? There is no way it won't jeopardize your friendship. He's already in swoony, head-over-heels mode and you cuddling with him and not flinching at his kisses doesn't help. Put yourself in his position: would you want to hook up with a guy who sees you as just a friend with benefits, all the while hoping that he'll suddenly change his mind and be your boyfriend? Clearly you're not going to all of a sudden see him as close friend who occasionally gets to see you naked. You're being unfair, and dishonest with your feelings. Let him know that you care for him, but you think anything romantic or sexual will ruin your friendship. Put the breaks on this now before things get even weirder. Though I'm not sure if that's possible. Kissing a guy who is like your older brother. Ick.
And do you really think things won't change if you start hooking up? There is no way it won't jeopardize your friendship. He's already in swoony, head-over-heels mode and you cuddling with him and not flinching at his kisses doesn't help. Put yourself in his position: would you want to hook up with a guy who sees you as just a friend with benefits, all the while hoping that he'll suddenly change his mind and be your boyfriend? Clearly you're not going to all of a sudden see him as close friend who occasionally gets to see you naked. You're being unfair, and dishonest with your feelings. Let him know that you care for him, but you think anything romantic or sexual will ruin your friendship. Put the breaks on this now before things get even weirder. Though I'm not sure if that's possible. Kissing a guy who is like your older brother. Ick.
“Put yourself in his position: would you want to hook up with a guy who sees you as just a friend with benefits, all the while hoping that he'll suddenly change his mind and be your boyfriend?”
Totally on the money with that one….
Let me start by saying FWB worked out for me. Me and my ex had that relationship and we never "caught feelings" for each other because we already knew that didn't work for us. We stopped "benefiting" when we had feelings for other people.
My advice to you is that you do the FWB thing with someone else. The guy who wants to date you/reminds you of your brother is an obvious no-no. Do you have another single, heterosexual, male friend that you can generally trust? If so, ask him. As a (presumably) attractive female, all you have to do to have sex is ask. Give it a try.
Really? In order for a man to sleep with you all you have to be is moderately attractive and offer yourself up? As a man who has had a few women in his life do exactly that, I can tell you that I think the average man has a bit more dignity than that if he's over the age of, say....22, 18 even depending on the guy. While I love sex I will never just sleep with a woman who says "You're cute enough, let's do this!". If that's your thing, go for it. Personally I'd never be able to trust my relationship, or lack there of, with someone able to engage in emotionless and casual sex.
I would like to note that these are my opinions and do not represent what I believe of 100% of the male population, just to stop responses cursing me for blanket statements.
Thank you for this. :)
Got to admire men with standards...
Hmm. I really don't know if I agree with you, CG. Based on the albeit limited info in the question, I definitely didn't assume that this guy is trying for a relationship with the girl. He told her "she might misunderstand" the cuddling, which sounds to me like he wants to stay in this "older brother" thing, and he's afraid she'll misinterpret it as him being into her.
Similarly, if she propositions him for sex, I predict that he'll turn her down, not because he wants to date her, but because apparently she's like a little sister to him.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I just wanted to offer this perspective, since I would hate for this girl to assume something that might not be true and cause some major awk in their relationship by finding out that he's not into her.
Oh, and I agree with you--it always creeps me out when people decide they're sexually attracted to someone they consider to be "like a sibling." *shudder*
Ugh, what the heck?? I unchecked the little "reply to" box, yet it still put me under LColBone =/
No worries. You aren't the first woman to be disappointed after being under me. It will pass :-)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! :)
Pahahah, I sure hope so!