Yikes. I'm not sure you can--or should. I'm a big fan of forgiveness, but what he did borders on unpardonable. The fact that you haven't already killed this man in his sleep tells me you must be a saint.
For starters, obviously, he lied to you. He lied by omission while you were wringing your hands over not being able to conceive, and he lied every time you cried and apologized for something he knew wasn't your fault. They have a name for lies like that: whopper. Significant. Far-reaching. Game-changing. And a huge blow to your trust in him, one from which it will be difficult for your marriage to recover.
Even more troubling to me is that fact that he let you suffer FOR A YEAR without saying a word. A YEAR! That's abhorrent. Not only is he a liar, but he must have no concern whatsoever for your feelings to leave you on the hook, miserable, while he sat silent. I know that lies perpetuate themselves and become harder to admit as time passes, but that's no excuse for his behavior. It was cruel and wrong.
What he did is also legal grounds for divorce in many states, for several reasons. Impotence alone is one, which includes the inability to have sex or sterility. Another is cruel treatment, or "willful infliction of pain, bodily or mental, upon the complaining party"--clearly he has done that.
The third reason, and the one most fitting here, is fraud: he married you under false pretenses. You entered into marriage with the expectation that you would be able to have children with this man; he married you knowing that you could not. That's fraud. Had you known he was sterile before you wed him, you might have chosen to walk or you might have chosen to marry him anyway, but you should have been given the choice.
I am not telling you to divorce this man, nor am I telling you not to forgive him. You will have to search your heart and make those decisions for yourself. Whatever you decide, no one will blame you.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
Wow.
Yep.
I wonder what else he is not telling her.
So am I.
Thanks for taking this one. It had me in a total rage.
A year.. that's sickening and unforgivable. I've dealt with a man who lied and cheated for almost a year. Getting over it was hard but in the end it's best for your own mental stability to leave and move on. One day at a time until you're all healed. I wish her the best and hope she can find the strength she needs.
Some things are can be forgiven, but knowing what it is like trying to conceive month after month and the emotional heartache that goes along with it when conception does not happen ... He allowed you to go through all those ups and downs month after month! He let you think that it was it was somehow your biological deficiency! I hope you gain the strength to stand up for yourself and kick this yahoo out of your life. You deserve so much better.
This is horrible.. I just... I'm speechless.
this is cruel and unhuman to let someone hope when there's no hope, to let her blame herself when it has nothing to do with her, to let her blow emotionally when he had the answer.
Maybe he didn't want to disappoint you by saying he couldn't have babies, but it's not an excuse!
I'm so disgusted and so sorry for you, girl, it truly is awful to get through all this..
Take time to think about it, to reconsider your relationship. That he dared lie and hide you such a thing, and let you go through all this is just not acceptable. Does he really have a heart..?