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i couldnt get pregnant after a year of trying. Ive been going crazy & thinking that something is wrong with me. i apologized to my husband many times for not being able to give him a baby. Today he told me that he is sterile & has known for years. How do I forgive him for letting me worry and feel guilty for so long?

Hot Lanta!, that is repulsive behavior on your husband's part. But before I scold this dirk, let me start by saying this: Why are you apologizing? Even when you thought your (shared) inability to conceive was becuase of a biological issue on your side of the crotch, why would you feel you need to profusely apologize? People apologize when they unconsciously or deliberately make an oopsy and want to formally retract it:Sorry I called you a lazy, talentless moron. I was upset. Sorry I stepped on your toe, I didn't see it there. Sorry I shot your cat, that was an insane thing to do.

But you can't go around sorrying being unpregnant. This isn't the middle ages. You can't help that stuff. Besides getting pregs is a team effort, it's not a him vs her thing. It's a Him and Her thing.
 
Now, regarding your husband accepting your apologies, and hiding the fact that he is the biologically challenged party. That's some nasty ass shiz he pulled. What a colassal John Edwards©. The difficulty in forgiving something like this, is it wasn't a one shot deal, it was a week to week choice to lie; he could have come clean, but he didn't. I wonder why he told you "today." Maybe it is the first step in him taking your partnership seriously, or maybe his doctor was about to spill his broken beans.
 
I'm not going to give you a list of things YOU can do so that you are capable of forgiving him. My advice is to figure out what make this yutz tick and see if he's now taking the time and interest to change his shifty ways.

It's more important that he's a straight shooter then the fact that he shoots blanks.

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3 Comments

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I hope this question is not a joke. It was originally answered on 1/12/11 by Wise Ass.
If this is a true and serious question, get help from a face-to-face counselor and maybe a divorce lawyer. You need to move on and heal. In that order.

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The real question for me is Will he man up and agree to have you use a donor shooter for your dearly wanted child? My guess is that the answer is no...Hope I'm wrong about that.

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If this is something that he recently found out after you guys couldn't have kids and he didn't know how to tell you, then yes you can still be mad but be understandable, as well as find it easier to forgive him. If this was something he knew before you guys got married and didn't bother to talk with you about, you have the right to be furious and some what unreasonable and it would be something i would find hard to forgive. While if you love him and it might not have mattered to you it is still something he should have been upfront about. Because then you would have had the chance to talk about alternative ways to have children, like a donor, or adoption or something. Now if you can't resolve one way or another you either go through a divorce or face the painful fact that you can never have kids.
Good luck and I hope you can work it out and find a way to forgive him.

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