No guy worth meeting will feel intimidated by you. Why would a guy not want to be with someone who is fit, successful, and owns a house that would be perfect for their video games and/or collection of decorative beer steins? I have never understood the notion that you have to hold yourself back as a person to attract a man. It's absurd to me, like dogs wearing sweaters or Snooki's hair on Jersey Shore.
If you're not meeting anyone, it means you're not putting yourself out there enough and need to build up your confidence. Perhaps you're too busy with work and triathlons (something which requires a lot of solo training time, I would imagine) and are passing up social outings. Do you go to as many parties and after-work functions as you can? Do you ever have bar nights with a girlfriend as your wing-lady? What about online dating?
Maybe you need to broaden your social circle. What about joining a kickball or softball team, or signing up for any sort of group sport or activity? (Even a skeeball league will do.) Choose a group activity with a heavy socializing component (I have never met a kickball team that didn't go out for drinks after the game) and you'll up your chances for meeting someone new.
Also, think about the sort of guys you're looking for. Could it be that you yourself are guilty of ruling out a guy because he isn't in 100% peak shape or lacks an MBA from Harvard? Are you intimidated by fit and successful guys? Examine your past dating experiences and look at the types of guys you're attracted to. Are you drawn to jerks who won't appreciate the impressive accomplishments you've made at a relatively young age? Do you seek out younger men, only to have your heart broken? Maybe you'd be better off with older guys who are secure with their station in life and are less likely to be scared off by your awesomeness?
Abolish the idea that men will find you intimidating. If you walk around thinking "these guys must be intimidated by me" you could come off as arrogant and self-centered to new people. Keep being an Iron Woman, put yourself out their both in the real world and online, and the right guy will be knocking on your door with his foosball table and deluxe DVD edition of Big Lebowski in no time.
If you're not meeting anyone, it means you're not putting yourself out there enough and need to build up your confidence. Perhaps you're too busy with work and triathlons (something which requires a lot of solo training time, I would imagine) and are passing up social outings. Do you go to as many parties and after-work functions as you can? Do you ever have bar nights with a girlfriend as your wing-lady? What about online dating?
Maybe you need to broaden your social circle. What about joining a kickball or softball team, or signing up for any sort of group sport or activity? (Even a skeeball league will do.) Choose a group activity with a heavy socializing component (I have never met a kickball team that didn't go out for drinks after the game) and you'll up your chances for meeting someone new.
Also, think about the sort of guys you're looking for. Could it be that you yourself are guilty of ruling out a guy because he isn't in 100% peak shape or lacks an MBA from Harvard? Are you intimidated by fit and successful guys? Examine your past dating experiences and look at the types of guys you're attracted to. Are you drawn to jerks who won't appreciate the impressive accomplishments you've made at a relatively young age? Do you seek out younger men, only to have your heart broken? Maybe you'd be better off with older guys who are secure with their station in life and are less likely to be scared off by your awesomeness?
Abolish the idea that men will find you intimidating. If you walk around thinking "these guys must be intimidated by me" you could come off as arrogant and self-centered to new people. Keep being an Iron Woman, put yourself out their both in the real world and online, and the right guy will be knocking on your door with his foosball table and deluxe DVD edition of Big Lebowski in no time.
You may have lost me at "need to build up your confidence." I think that's the LAST thing needed, here.
Whenever I see these questioners, throwing out things like, "I don't mean to brag, but I'm amazing and single... what gives? They must be intimidated by my amazing-ness," I am forced to assume that THAT attitude might be a big factor.
My uncle is like that- he honestly believes he has everything to offer a woman, but remains single... it's because he has enough overconfidence to barrel a person over. That, and he is too aggressive. Since this chick says she's an athlete, that could be the case as well.
I say tone down all the hubbub about you and your magical self. Find a guy and ask him to choose what the two of you do for the first few dates... give him a chance to show off a few things about himself, first. Then, try not to shove it all down his throat.
I am all about female independence, but a softer image might get you farther with guys.
I mean confidence in social situations, or around men. Just because she's confident in life doesn't mean she's comfortable around a guy she likes.
She definitely shouldn't be arrogant, but I refuse to buy the party line that you have to hide the fact that you're awesome in order to get a guy. No one would ever say to a man, "don't tell women that you compete in triathlons and have a great, rewarding career. That'll just scare them off." Oh, Double Standard-icus, you are a foul beast.
We shouldn't assume she's cocky and no fun to be around just because she is confident in her accomplishments. Be friendly and humble, and be open to meeting new people, and the rest will fall into place.
33 single, figures I'm not in her state, But then again what would I have to offer her but undying affection and major rub downs.
She on the other hand wouldn't be into me cause I'm a working stiff per week and have no time to be Mr athelitic... So love loses out again
You know, I have to side with the person asking the question on this one. First off, just because mentions her accomplishments in the question doesn't mean she is arrogant or shoves them down a guy's throat. Additionally, she doesn't say she has trouble meeting guys, she says she's single. Those are very different. I am also a high achieving, single 33 year old. I have a pretty glamorous career, and ivy league graduate degree, a passport full of stamps from exotic locations and some pretty impressive accomplishments. I'm also physically fit and attractive. No, I don't shove my accomplishments down a guy's throat early on, but I'm not going to shy away from telling an amusing story about something that happened while installing monitoring equipment on an active volcano in the West Indies. I meet lots of guys who are pretty fascinated by me to begin with, but more than one has admitted that eventually my accomplishments became intimidating. I've dated a range of guys from different backgrounds trying to find the one that will be proud of me and support me. So far, no luck.
Exactly. Why wouldn't you want to share the interesting things about you? That isn't bragging. No one is saying she should be braggy and obnoxious, we're just saying she won't get anywhere by hiding the awesome things that set her apart from other women.
This was a great answer, Nick, and props to you for being sympathetic to the question-asker.
HOWEVER...I'm forced to agree with Caitlin here, to an extent. First off, this is maybe the third time I've seen this question answered on GuySpeak. In fact, in January, Mystery Man answered almost the exact same question, and his answer was probably the only answer he's ever published that I agree with. Nick, you even answered a similar-ish question a few months ago, if I remember correctly.
I can't help but roll my eyes as I read the laundry list of some woman's oh-so-Aw3s0m3 accomplishments, followed by shock and confusion as to why she's still single. It just seems like a really insecure woman desperately fishing for compliments, and it really rubs me the wrong way. I could be very wrong, but your attitude may be the whole problem. I get annoyed by the women out there who assume that the reason they're not getting dates is because they're just TOO GOOD. That's just as bad as the scores of women in the world who assume there's something horrifically wrong with them in the same situation. Girls who assume they're just too awesome to get/keep a man are the ones who never take a good, hard look at themselves to assess if anything ought to be changed. Assuming guys are "just intimidated" is an easy way to cop out of ever having to improve yourself. And if you refuse to develop as a person, your chances of getting dates remain small, or even shrink with time.
Mystery Man said it well, albeit much, MUCH more harshly. Anytime I try to post links in my answers, it doesn't show up, so just look at the January archives.
A discussion got going in the comments of Nick's old question about men being "intimidated" by smart women, (and I basically said the same thing that I said here). That question was answered in April.
I realize I'm kind of getting ahead of myself here, and I could be misjudging you. But for now, your limited comments are all I have to work with. Best of luck with your situation.
I agree with Dawn. The asker is giving examples that are pertinent to her question, not bragging. Why should she brag to us? She doesn't know us and we don't know her.
But then, it's the same handful of people who always have a gripe, so take their objections with a grain of salt. I do.
Well, excuse me. Just because we "always" complain/have a "gripe" doesn't mean we're necessarily wrong.
You're excused. Interesting that you would reply to my comment, since I didn't name any names.
*giggle*
who told you that you intimidate?
It probably has less to do with your outward success and more to do with your personality.
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