You are the games you play. I am a firm believer that like minded people run together: so people who play petty little mind games in order to assert dominance, or to assauge their self-esteem attract and deserve similar people.
If I were to ever find out a woman followed some silly little rule rather than her heart or gut or loins, then I'd seriously have to reevaluate dating her. I also find prideful people to be terrible in bed. They're always self-conscious. The prideful have no sense of abandon. They are grossed out by stains, won't buck when it counts, and certainly won't eat post-sex pizza in bed.
If you want to text him, text him. Yes, if he's into you, he probably will text you. But maybe he won't text you when you want. But odds are, if the chemistry is there. If you both feel it, and there's sweaty noses and giggles then these rules are moot. Right? So why play games and make rules in the first place.
There is one dating rule: if it feels right, keep doing it until it stops feeling right. Then stop.
Oftentimes, I want to find that tool who wrote that book and punch him in the junk. I think he wears a soul patch, so he'll deserve it. Thanks for making all the single ladies nuerotic-er, schmuck.
If you expect the guy to make all the first moves, especially after you've been dating for a while, then don't expect him to stick around very long. A good relationship is about give and take. He needs to feel good too and that means that sometimes you are the one that sticks your neck out and goes first.
Whatever happen to asking questions to people you wanna get to know?! Im thinking if im not sure I have & will always ask.There are super cute ways of doing it so it doesnt feel odd.Like "I like you & youre a pretty cool guy!I love the fact that you have all your teeth & your eyes dont cock when we're in public!So im gonna text you if you dont text me back then Il take it as maybe you couldnt get use to me not being able to control my eyes cocking in public,& i would totally understand!" I think most women are waaaay too afraid to look like idiots that they kinda read too much into guys & focus on what he DOESNT say even though he hasnt said it most times getting it all wrong! If girlies would just go back to simplifying things then dating would be so much more fun minus the dumb douch schmuck presser!!......OR what JDV said.teehee
I leave it at this. If I'm into a guy after a date, I make it known. If he want's to persue it, so be it. If he doesn't, I move on. However it works the other way as well. I hate it when guys keep texting or emailing or calling and my silence or lack of reciprication doesn't occur to them that I'm just not that into them. Ugh, guys can be just as bad about this as we ladies.
"There is one dating rule: if it feels right, keep doing it until it stops feeling right. Then stop."
-thank you, thank you, thank you. that is the one dating rule that i live by and have been trying to tell everyone else this forever! finally someone else says it!
DISAGREE!! (mostly)
I actually think it is crucial for a girl not to call/text in the beginning. If the guy is interested in you at all yet feels that he is not on your priority list, he will do whatever he can to get your attention. Girls are the exact same way. We are all suckers for the pursuit and want what we can't have.
But once communication increases and you're sure he/she is really into you.. then go ahead and text.. but still not too often. A little mystery goes a long way. (1-3 month mark)
Once the relationship is strong and mature, games must end.
but isnt that another form of game playing?Why guess what a guy or a gal is thinking when you can simply ask?Why waste time & realness by playing games even if its just at the begining?Is it for the sake of not lookin bad if it doesnt work?Im really asking because i dont get the angle of women having to take a back seat to whatever it is they wanna know or let be known for that matter.My expirience with life has taught me that you're respected when you deal in truth in every aspect of it.
I COMPLETELY agree. It works. And, it's not games...it's letting the guy pursue you like they are supposed to...and want to. Guys like the chase.
"If I were to ever find out a woman followed some silly little rule rather than her heart or gut or loins, then I'd seriously have to reevaluate dating her. I also find prideful people to be terrible in bed. They're always self-conscious. The prideful have no sense of abandon. They are grossed out by stains, won't buck when it counts, and certainly won't eat post-sex pizza in bed."
Awwww...you can say the sweetest things!
Maybe I'm old or I don't "get" it, but playing these games or making rules like this just makes no sense to me. When my husband and I were dating, I wasn't shy about calling him or telling him I wanted to hang out. If he hadn't felt the same, I would have known, and that would have been that - because, as the guys here at Guyspeak will tell you, if he wants to be with you, you will know it. I just don't know why you wouldn't also let him know it... I mean, when you're married, do you still expect him to text you first? When does the rule shut off?
Gah!
@jazzfazz, if you're all about the "pursuit" then it really doesn't matter who your potential partner is, it could be anyone who turns you down or acts aloof.
What if they get all interested in the chase, but when it comes right down to it, and you find yourself in a relationship, you realise you just don't have as much in common/are as attracted to each other as you thought, because you didn't spend time getting to know each other, you spent time playing stupid games.
What kind of girl chases a man? A desperate one. And who wants to date a desperate girl? No-one.
I totally agree, never text first until you have him (all game playing ends once its serious) A guy will do just about anything for a girl who is unattainable.
**Please do not attempt this if you are a) ugly or b) a fatty. You will need a whole different game plan for that.
gotta say, I know plenty of guys who totally love a girl who makes a move first. It doesnt have to come off as desperate, there are lots of dominant girls and guys who like a woman in charge.
I'm starting to feel bad for guys. What is wrong with a girl taking control? Why can't the girl just text, if he isn't in to you, either he won't text back or he will say no. A lot of guys like it when I girl takes control, and makes the first move. I'm friends with a TON of guys and they all wished the girl would make the first move, because it takes pressure off them. Don't listen to that damn rule, it is just dumb, and a lot of times asking for trouble.
What the heck? I agree with Anon and Jazzfazz. I mean once the relationship IS established of course you dont need that BS on whose going to text next or if they dont. But if he just started dating you, and youre freakin text him toooo much, even devore HERE would be WHOA, that chick is desperate. Shes asking for it, might as well give it to her. Then thats the end of that.
Guys are stupid, but not Cary (youre the best cary). Dont " if it feels right, keep doing it until it stops feeling right. Then stop. "
Uh? Really? If you stop midway because "it didnt feel right" then it never felt right in the first place. some Men dont evaluate the situation before they start grinding up on girls, and thats why they bolt later. So ladies, dont let the REFORM player tell you how to respond to guys. Hes probably bolting away already. Dont text and ALWAYS evaulate the situation before progressing. SOme jerks never deserved you in the first place!!!!
You seem like a very unhappy person.
It's going to be okay.
HA!!
thats a really depressing place to come from with other people. I really suggest finding a way to trust other people a little more, and making sure you choose healthy, mature people before you date again. Not saying anything is wrong with you. just saying that if youre always living into the story of, he is going to take advantage of me, thats what is going to happen. thats all you will make room for in a relationship.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this. I read "He's Just Not That Into You" and just completely stopped texting guys first, even when I wanted to. I'm sure it's true for some guys, but it's good to know it's not a universal.
This answer was enlightening, JDV. Thank you with all my heart! I found the bit about prideful people especially insightful, as I'm currently trying to learn not to be one of them.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go invite this guy I really like out for dinner. :)
Kudos to you girlie!!
For the record (and for the girl who posed the question :) ), my dinner with the guy went great. We had a wonderful time, when we parted ways he wanted to make plans for next week (and we did). This, alongside the fact that I knew he was not feeling very well but came anyway and never complained, and that he drove 25 miles to spend the evening with me, makes me think we definitely have something to work on.
Keep in mind that we don't have very frequent contacts by phone, and almost nonexistent by email or IM, but we see each other often, with other mutual friends. In this specific occasion, I texted him if he wanted to go to dinner, and he said yes. Today he called me to make arrangements for the time and place of meeting. That was all the texting that we exchanged, and our evening was really sweet and funny.
So, pinkholly0, I think you can tell if he likes you from his actions, not necessarily by the number of texts exchanged :)
If you ever do find said tool, give him another punch in the junk from me.
Amen on junk-punching the "He's Just Not that Into You" guy. Is his talk show still on?
Another thought -- I think the whole "He's Just Not That Into You" thing is aimed at those women who repeatedly text a guy and make excuses to themselves for why the guy hasn't contacted them back. But if you're dating, I think it's actually unreasonable to expect the guy to ALWAYS reach out to you. Relationships are about a give and take, and it's unrealistic and unfair to both of you to expect him to do all of the work.
ok, i'm the girl who posted this question. Since we have decided that it is ok for me to text him first, how do i go about it? How much is too much? I'm really interested in him, but i'm not sure if he is just laid back or just plain not interested! He texts me every couple of days, but it is always less than ten texts back and forth, in less i initiate deeper conversations. Please help!
PINKHOLLY JUST ASK HIM HON!! I promise its not gonna hurt a thing to be direct & get the facts.How will you know how to proceed,or if you should at all,if you dont ask questions?Making assumptions can hurt way more then the truth especially if you're assuming the wrong thing.If you keep waiting for hints & clues to give you the facts then you cant be mad if it doesnt go like you think.You are only growing more fond of him while trying to figure this out but what if the feeling isnt mutual?Then you've set yourself up for heartache with no one to blame but you!SO BOTTOM LINE is that you should skip the gamble of how youre just so into him & he "might" be into you by being super direct & honest so if things mature or dont you're not guessing what went wrong or right because you KNOW from your questions & his answers.
kudos to you john. i must say you give advice and are QUIT hilarious at the same time. bravo john, bravo.
THANK YOU. for real, i appreciate your answer to this question so so so much. it sucks as young women we have to follow petty rules about dating like when to text a guy or what to wear, or how to act, dress, etc. i say fuck it. if he likes you then he'll like you even if you text him first, even if you wear sweatpants and dont wear makeup one day, even if you don't put out, or even if you do. find someone who doesn't give a fuck about stupid rules of dating and live your life.
DAMN STRAIGHT. If you can't be yourself and honestly go for what you want with a guy, then he's not the right guy.
I always seem to text the boy first... ALWAYS. and even though we always end up twxting for hours..I just never understand why he never texts :( I don't want to seem clingy,.. It's just...how can someone care if they never even contact you? First :(
I think you just have to decide if it's OK with you or not. If you are not OK with constantly initiating contact...then don't. The thing about stupid games (PLEASE someone punch that guy in the junk) is that they work with game players. If you stop texting him all the time...he'll probably start wondering why and start texting you. It could be real...or it could be a stupid game. And so the only way to find out (thank you very much AngelBabygirl) is to ASK him. The people who promote playing games on here all mentioned that the games stop once things get "serious." This is of course assuming that any relationship that began with games would ever get that far... I just don't see that happening. It defies the point of the chase...which is to keep chasing.
What a lovely day for a 1042077! SCK was here