He just got hit by lightning from a seemly clear, cloudless sky and you are surprised he is a bit distant with you? I am surprised he is talking to you at all.
Are you doomed? Probably yes, unless you do everything just right.
You managed to shift yourself from girlfriend to unstable psycho in one easy evening, which is not something he'll soon get over, even if he wants to. The dude is only human, not a mind reader, and constantly worrying what phrase or action of his will set you off next is really going to cramp his feelings of love and romance.
You can try to fix it, sure, but it'll take something that seems very hard for gals, much easier for guys. Never, ever think of, refer to, or talk about that night again.
Let it just drop off the radar unless he brings it up himself. He will, eventually. Give him time to process and accept it as just one of those things that happens sometimes. Guys are good at that, if you give them the chance.
This next bit applies to both you and the lady who feels the urge to belittle her partner once the fuzzies have worn off:
The other thing you need to do is work out why you freaked. Was it panic at the loss of control and self direction in your life? Fear of your emotions and status as "in a relationship" overriding your sense of self? (Hint - it was and is.)
Relax. You are still you, in a relationship or out. Nothing can change that, so freaking (or making yourself feel good by making him feel bad) is totally useless for anything other that getting yourself rapidly single again.
Did you tell him you freaked out but only because of your emotions for him ? You sometimes need to put things on the table to start things over..
God no! Freaking due to feeling too strongly? Psycho territory for sure.
Sometimes I feel like women give other women the WORST relationship advice. Thats why I like guyspeak.
So what, just let go? I'd feel so guilty in that situation I wouldn't have stopped myself to be completely (maybe stupidly) honest. At least I would have "had" a reason to freak out, and not only freak out to freak out.
I don't see how much work on this you can do except being honest. having feelings for someone, especially when it's strong, is not something some people are used to, and yes it can be scary sometimes..
Freaking out is the woman's version of a man dropping you like a hot potato.
I have to go with being honest here too. Love can drive you nuts, and yes, it's scary. It's not like men don't go through commitment phobias themselves. They just have a different way of expressing it.
I would tell him that if that's what happened. I have definitely done this and know other females who have freaked out as well. Obviously we should try not to do this...
I love the tag. It's perfect!
I feel ya girl...love is scary. But it's also a good thing. It makes you happy. Let it in.
Love is scary?? What the hell, guys. You've got something that most of us search decades for and crave all the time, and yet you're "scared" by it? Get a life. I'm sorry, but seriously. If finding an awesome, loving partner that treats you well scares you, you probably need therapy before you get into a relationship in the first place.
Love makes you do crazy things girl...you can lose yourself in your emotions and not want to let go of something or someone that just isn't right for you. Those who have been there know what it is. It's not all peaches and cream. Sometimes you have to fight too. Whether it's against your heart for your health, or so that the person you love realizes it. Real talk.
And that 'get a life' comment was not necessary...at all. I understand you have a different opinion but be cool about it.
For you to make this comment pretty much reveals that you've either never been in love or are a psychopath.
thats really good advice, i dont know about it in this situation lol but overall, in general, i liked that. so simple.
Oh wow MM, this post totally speaks to my situation. My current boyfriend freaked out on me, so now I'm the distant one. We talked about the situation at length, but I'm not really over it, and I'm not sure if I ever will. So I'm really not sure what I should do?
there are two responses to a freakout: whatever caused it is addressed to both people's satisfaction so both people can move on together or whatever caused it is found unreasonable to one or both parties and is not addressed and both people move on in separate directions
So you need to figure out if what caused his freakout is something you're willing to work on or not
This same thing happened to me this weekend! I told him we should go our seperate ways and wanted him gone. However, it was because I really liked him and felt like I wanted to end it before I get hurt (just being honest). He actually talked me into giving it another go, letting me know how he felt about me. I am too very surprised that he wanted to be with me after that. We spend the next few days together like nothing ever happened. We'll see how this thing goes. And YES, I have been to thearpy and suggest you do too if you are scared of "feelings".
I did this too! I was feeling the intensity of our new relationship and overreacted to the mention of a woman he had previously been interested in and went on a big ole "I can make it on my own just fine!" bender. He let me rant until I fell asleep but he stuck around through the night and the next day after my apology was accepted I realized if he wasn't running away then I really needed to just forgive myself and let it go. I found my normal, funny, kind, interesting, non-hysterical self within the day and have never had a repeat performance (never will) and have not brought it up since. He likes me despite that night, was willing to forget it too and focus on the much more plentiful good times, and we're still together with no drama more than two months later. You CAN fix this. But only if you truly forgive yourself, 100% let it go, and return to the girl he liked in the first place whose actions and words are not clouded by remorse.