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I find that I am becoming evermore confused about my sexuality. I could see myself with either a guy or a girl. I am attracted to both sexes until the clothes come off. I'm really disturbed by penises but love boobs & vaj. In that case, am I a lesbian? Does sexuality really come down to who you'd rather have sex with?

The quick answer is: you are what you eat. And right now, my friend, you are an omnivore.

The longer (more thoughtful) answer: we as individuals and certainly as a society like to put things in boxes and label it;  you are currently outside the box. Or rather, you are in the box of "the exploratory/unsure." And that's perfectly OK.

Sexuality is a complex thing. It is also a far more fluid thing than most people would like to admit. I think for this portion of your life you need to trust your gut and genitals-- see where that leads you.  If you find yourself consistently repelled by penis and juiced up by vag, then that'a your leaning. Are you a lesbian? I'm not sure. What is the definition of a lesbian? (Cue Robin Williams 1980's Joke: Lesbians are women in comfortable shoes)

My opinion, is our sexuality and sex lives come down to two things: who we have sex with and who we want to have sex with. If you are married to Lady A,  but have sexual feelings about Lady C and Man D - that's all part of your sexual identity. Perhaps not overtly, but inside.

My advice is really to continue on your sexual journey. Maybe you'll find yourself having sex for years with both women and men. Maybe the ratio will be 5:1 or 1:1.  Maybe you'll fall in love with one woman or man whose overall package is so exceptional, that their genital package makes full emotional and physical sense to you.

Good luck, and may the best feeling win.

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4 Comments

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Wow, just wow. I seriously think this is fate that this question would be posted now... as of last night, I'm having the same problem, only reversed! I just hooked up with my female roommate last night, just for fun (we both date and are primarily attracted to men). I wouldn't say that I /didn't/ enjoy it, exactly, but it just felt...weird. Like something was missing (a penis, probably.) Or maybe it was a lack of emotional attachment...see, I'm really just not sure. At all.

It's like, I'm attracted to both genders, except I'm a bit disturbed by, uh, lady-parts, but love penis. Soo I think Funny Guy is right here, you and I are just exploring right now--no need to figure out our sexuality right this second. I don't know how old you are, but especially if you're young like me (19), being confused seems to be pretty normal.

If I find another girl that I'm into, I'll definitely hook up again. But until then, I think I'm back on an all-sausage diet (sorry, couldn't resist.)

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what a beautiful answer

sunshine_love

http://flexuality.wordpress.com/ is a very informative site about sexuality that I think the OP would find immensely helpful in their exploration of their sexuality.

For myself I don't see sexuality as being something that's as easily defined as the rest of at least Western society, would have us believe. I'm of the opinion that it's possible to (and often happens) that we fall in love and find ourselves attracted to people of all different types, not just racially speaking.

theoneandonly

I think it's fluid and changes all the time for a lot of people (probably more than people admit). You might like being with women, then decide you'd rather be with a man. And it may go back and forth throughout your life. Most bisexual women I know tend to date people of one sex, then switch back to the other. And it's not just about sex, it's about who you form intimate connections with.

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