You need to talk to him. Right after you read this. I don't care if Jersey Shore is on. They'll run it again in a couple of hours.
Seriously, talk to him about this now. Don't "confront" him. Be supportive, but also concerned about why he kept this from you. Obviously this is something he is struggling with, considering he's keeping porn under his bed like a 13-year-old. While you obviously feel hurt and betrayed, try not to make it all about you. Remember that up until your discovery he was your (presumably) loving and caring boyfriend. Maybe he's bi and needs this outlet. Or maybe he's gay and in denial. Either way, assuming you didn't find him in bed with a man, try to work through it together.
There really isn't a delicate way to say,"I found gay porn under your bed." You pretty much just have sit him down and have it out. Show you're concerned, but supportive and still care for him, and maybe he won't clam up or get angry. There will probably be some drama, and maybe this will end your relationship. But the longer you let it fester the worse everything will be.
I can't presume to know your personal feelings on homosexuality. I do know that plenty of people are in bisexual relationships. In fact, I think it's more common now than it ever has been. This could be the beginning of a new stage in your relationship. He could be perfectly happy with being with you, but still attracted to men. Or maybe this will be the step he needs to discover who he really is, and you are just going to have to live with that. Either way, be content in knowing that you are helping him to no longer live in shame and hide a part of himself from you.
Yes, it's unfortunate that he lied, but here we are. Feeling betrayed and angry isn't going to change the fact that your boyfriend is attracted to men. The less you internalize, and realize that this is just a part of who he is now, the faster you can move to the next stage of your relationship. (Even if that stage is suddenly having a new gay best friend.)
Seriously, talk to him about this now. Don't "confront" him. Be supportive, but also concerned about why he kept this from you. Obviously this is something he is struggling with, considering he's keeping porn under his bed like a 13-year-old. While you obviously feel hurt and betrayed, try not to make it all about you. Remember that up until your discovery he was your (presumably) loving and caring boyfriend. Maybe he's bi and needs this outlet. Or maybe he's gay and in denial. Either way, assuming you didn't find him in bed with a man, try to work through it together.
There really isn't a delicate way to say,"I found gay porn under your bed." You pretty much just have sit him down and have it out. Show you're concerned, but supportive and still care for him, and maybe he won't clam up or get angry. There will probably be some drama, and maybe this will end your relationship. But the longer you let it fester the worse everything will be.
I can't presume to know your personal feelings on homosexuality. I do know that plenty of people are in bisexual relationships. In fact, I think it's more common now than it ever has been. This could be the beginning of a new stage in your relationship. He could be perfectly happy with being with you, but still attracted to men. Or maybe this will be the step he needs to discover who he really is, and you are just going to have to live with that. Either way, be content in knowing that you are helping him to no longer live in shame and hide a part of himself from you.
Yes, it's unfortunate that he lied, but here we are. Feeling betrayed and angry isn't going to change the fact that your boyfriend is attracted to men. The less you internalize, and realize that this is just a part of who he is now, the faster you can move to the next stage of your relationship. (Even if that stage is suddenly having a new gay best friend.)
Why were you looking or "snooping" under his bed in the first place? I think this alone could start an argument.
Good point. But I think it's safe to say they're beyond that now...
I agree with Nick, just like it's not fair for her to jump to assumptions, I don't think it's wise for us to assume she was snooping under his bed.
Well advised, Nick.
Yeah, Nick, I echo rev. You advised well on this very tricky situation.
And, Terry, good luck to you in working this out.
You should be open enough to ask him about it, especially if you are intimate with him sexually. Just ask him but in a non confronting or judgemental way and be prepared for any response. Does this bother you ? I watch porn of the same sex ( women) but I don't consider myself Gay. I just appreciate the female body. Be open minded and perhaps it can enhance your sex life together.
What a great answer, Nick. Bravo.
Oh boy! What a situation to be in, eh? Being accusatory at this point will do nothing, she has no choice but to be kind about the situation. He is going to be pissed off, and extremely reluctant to talk to her. I can almost guarantee he will be defensive, and probably break up with the poor girl before hearing her out.
Men don't look at gay porn out of curiosity. Period. He's gay. Trust me, I found out my husband of 14 years was hiding it from me...he just wanted to be straight so bad.....wasted my life, though.
Maybe it was a gift, and he was going to surprise you...
My first thought was, is it just two dudes, or is it tranny porn... Heh
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