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I found out my boyfriend of 2 years slept with an escort several times during the first year of our relationship. I want to forgive him and move forward bc I love him, but does this type of behavior ever really change?

Go get tested for STDs right now. Don't worry, I'll still be here when you get back.

The question isn't whether he can change, but whether you want to change. Can you allow yourself to trust a man who admitted to having cheated on you? Is it possible for you to give him the honest space to prove he's a changed man? I believe a person can change, but can you ever let go of the doubt? The anger?

The issue here is that he broke trust with you. I don't want to get into the moral aspects of prostitution. I've never paid for sex. I have had friends pay for sex. I've interviewed hookers. It's called "The World's Oldest Profession" for a reason -- even some primates exchange sexual favors for food. Is it a choice? Exploitation? Slavery? Who does it debase more, the client or the sex worker? Should it be legal, like in Europe? In Europe, women who have chosen prostitution have access to health care, and don't require criminal "protection." It's a complex question that defies a morally black or white answer.

Personally, I think it's gross. Also: it offends me as a Lady Whisperer. Real men don't need to pay for lovin'. My friends who've paid for sex always seemed deeply unhappy. But the issue with your boyfriend is simple: he broke his word. You found out. What now?

Forgiveness is the foundation of love. To love someone is to forgive them their humanity. Their flaws and weaknesses. To err is human, to forgive divine, but only goldfish forget.

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55 Comments

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"To err is human, to forgive divine, but only goldfish forget. "

Love this!!! It is my quote of the week... :D

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"To err is human, to forgive divine, but only goldfish forget."

That line is priceless, and one I'm going to have to tell to my friend who is about to get married.

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Dump him. Like, yesterday. Not only did he cheat, he put you at risk for all KINDS of nastiness. It has nothing to do with forgiveness/forgetfulness and everything to do with your future health and happiness.

Besides, he only *admitted* to having paid for it. How many times did he cheat without paying for it?

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i'm sure it feels like dumping your (sorry excuze for a) boyfriend seems like the hardest and most painfull thing in the world right now, but trust me, once you've done it and those weird weeks or months folllowing this situation ends, you're gonna look back and know you did the right thing, and that he didn't deserve you. been there, done that.

Bree

My man has done excatlly the same , but only when he's high on a stimulant otherwise he's not like that. That's the only reason I have stuck it out but as much as u love him the trust never comes back . Only resentment follows this sitcho so is love really the awnser or a clean breakup ?you will know in time I guess as I am yet to figure put myself !

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My boyfriend lied to me.
When we were stil together, I found out that he had been contacting hookers by phone for several months. When I confronted him he denied (of course) saying that he loved me too much and that he was too much afraid of STDs and other risks to do something that stupid...... He had lied to me before, about other things, so I decided to dump him anyway, just in case....
We kept living together in the same house, like brother and sister, and it was fine until the day I had a weakness and slept with him a couple of times.
About a month later he confessed that I was right and he had been paying for sex during the last 6 months of our relationship and one month before we had a break-up sex session.
I was livid and I still am. I am going to get tested for HIV next week and I'm so scared that I have no words to describe how I feel.
I asked him why he lied to me about something so important, why he hated me so much to put my life at risk. He said he doesn't know and that he's sorry. In response to that, I destroyed the windshield of his car, told his parents and brother what happened and tried to humiliate him as much as he humiliated me with his lies.
There is no way I'm going to forgive him. I wish him all the worst one can deserve in life and I hope he will never find another girlfriend again. If he likes hookers so much, I hope he will have no choice but use them for the rest of his miserable life.
Additionally, I saw the pictures online of the hookers he's been with and they are plain ugly. If I had to sleep with a gigolo, at least, I would get a beautiful one, not somebody who looks like Shrek.......
Loser.

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