Wow. That is unbelievably wrong. And also grounds for divorce. A good divorce lawyer could sue him for all he's worth so you'd have money to support the child that you aren't ready for and don't even want. I'm not going to get into the abortion issue. Obviously that's your choice, and at least it's a choice you actually have. Your husband can't take that away from you as he did with your decision to never get pregnant. I cannot imagine any marriage would survive such a terrible breach of trust.
Why did he do this? Because he's a terrible person. Clearly he wants a child, and doesn't care what you think. My guess is that he knew you wouldn't want to have an abortion and used that to his advantage. Why didn't he leave you and find someone who wants to have children? Or, better yet, not marry you in the first place? Why wasn't he honest with you about wanting children? Did he actually think this was going to work? Did he think you wouldn't find out? Honestly, this guy makes me sick. Bringing a child into the world is a decision that should be made by two loving, consenting adults. I feel for you, and I feel for that poor child who's going to be born into an unhappy home built on lies. This is the stuff of bad soap operas. I am sorry to hear that there are people out there who actually do this sort of thing.
(As an aside: Are you on birth control? If not, you should be. Obviously you never expected this to happen. But if you weren't ever planning on having children, you should've taken as many preventive measures as possible. Condoms break, even when your psycho husband isn't poking holes in them. Something to think about for the future so this doesn't happen again.)
Show him the evidence and ask him why he would do something like this. Tell him how betrayed and hurt you are. Explain that he took away one of the most important decisions of your life. And then show him the door. There is no way to fix something like this. He doesn't care about you-- you're just a vessel for his child. If he'd do something like this, he'd probably cheat on you. Get a divorce and sue him for child support. Raise the child well and never have anything to do with this crazy man again. If you aren't going to have an abortion or give the child up for adoption, you owe it to your unborn baby to not bring him or her into your unloving, deceit-filled marriage.
If you absolutely do not want children, and adoption isn't an option, then get a divorce and give your ex-husband custody. Clearly all he wanted from you is a child. But considering the way he went about it, I don't see how your marriage can survive.
Why did he do this? Because he's a terrible person. Clearly he wants a child, and doesn't care what you think. My guess is that he knew you wouldn't want to have an abortion and used that to his advantage. Why didn't he leave you and find someone who wants to have children? Or, better yet, not marry you in the first place? Why wasn't he honest with you about wanting children? Did he actually think this was going to work? Did he think you wouldn't find out? Honestly, this guy makes me sick. Bringing a child into the world is a decision that should be made by two loving, consenting adults. I feel for you, and I feel for that poor child who's going to be born into an unhappy home built on lies. This is the stuff of bad soap operas. I am sorry to hear that there are people out there who actually do this sort of thing.
(As an aside: Are you on birth control? If not, you should be. Obviously you never expected this to happen. But if you weren't ever planning on having children, you should've taken as many preventive measures as possible. Condoms break, even when your psycho husband isn't poking holes in them. Something to think about for the future so this doesn't happen again.)
Show him the evidence and ask him why he would do something like this. Tell him how betrayed and hurt you are. Explain that he took away one of the most important decisions of your life. And then show him the door. There is no way to fix something like this. He doesn't care about you-- you're just a vessel for his child. If he'd do something like this, he'd probably cheat on you. Get a divorce and sue him for child support. Raise the child well and never have anything to do with this crazy man again. If you aren't going to have an abortion or give the child up for adoption, you owe it to your unborn baby to not bring him or her into your unloving, deceit-filled marriage.
If you absolutely do not want children, and adoption isn't an option, then get a divorce and give your ex-husband custody. Clearly all he wanted from you is a child. But considering the way he went about it, I don't see how your marriage can survive.
it depends on whether or not you're willing to raise the child now that you're pregnant. (but the first step should definitely be divorce.) if you are, make sure he never, EVER meets that child, because he doesn't deserve to. if not, then give him sole custody and try to move on. i get that either scenario would complicate things, as children deserve two parents, but that's on him, not on you. no man should ever take away a woman's ability to control her own life.
Disagreed- he wanted the kid so bad, let him have it. She never wanted kids- it's bad enough she has to give up 9 months (potentially fatal complications) against her will, but to ask her to give up the rest of her life too? Maybe she has a career, she wants to travel, whatever- a child can ruin all that, and she's already decided it wasn't for her. Yes, the rapist pig of a father will probably be a terrible dad, but would it be better for the kid to be raised by a mother who never wanted it?
Men do this for the same reasons that women do it to men. It's a means to keep you around and a form on control. Oh, she can't leave me now that she's pregnant with my kid.
Bail honey, bail now.
What a horrific thing to do to someone.. I am so sorry for you and the child. Maybe consider putting the baby up for adoption (since abortion is out of the question, I know adoption isn't as easy breezy . But neither is keeping a child that you can't afford. And by afford I just dont mean money wise.. Theres time and love involved.. Not saying you wouldn't love... You know what I mean!) . Give the baby to someone who can't have a child, it would be the best gift you ever gave someone.
I would also consider consulting an attorney , I'm pretty sure what he did was unlawful. He put you at risk when he punctured those condoms.
Totally agreeing with this. Call the cops, and explain what he did, I'm almost positive that what happened to you is some sort of assault.
This is great advice. I'm disgusted, REPULSED, that a person can do this to another person.
***** shivers. thank god im on the pill!
Yes, I believe that this is abuse and assault. Due to the fact that he knew that you would not get an abortion (for whatever reasons that you have), he thought that he would get to parent his child. What are the legalities regarding adoption? Consult a GOOD lawyer and figure it out. Because of the fact that he tricked/forced you to get pregnant, you may be able to get your child adopted without his parental/paternal consent. I think that it is not a good idea to raise a child that you NEVER wanted in the first place and were tricked into conceiving. I would assume that you will probably resent that child for the rest of your life because you are so absolutely certain that you did not want it. Why not give the child up for adoption to a lovely family that wants to love and care for that child more than anything?? I don't think that you should give your husband sole custody after the divorce, he used you, deceived you and abused and used your body. Why should he get to have the child? He does not deserve it after what he has done to you. If I were you, I would tell him that what he has done is unforgiveable and that you have changed your mind on the issue and are getting an abortion. Then get far away from him and give the child away for adoption so that he or she can have a mom and a dad that love him/her and want that child. Good luck.
Adoption is a totally viable option. I was conceived under similar circumstances (birth mother just wasn't ready) and I have had a lovely life as an adopted child! Honestly I have always wanted to thank my birth mother for putting me up for adoption as I would never have had such a great life if she hadn't.
Also, people are looking all over the place to find adoptions! Just look at Caitlin and Tyler on Teen Mom! :)
I congratulate you on your strength to reject abortion, and I wish you the best of luck in your difficult situation.
I agree completely with Nick and all the comments as well, however I think that people, especially men, need to realize that the birth control pill is NOT for everyone, In fact, in my case, my chronic migraines increase my chance of stroke 800% (no joke) if i went on the pill. I HAVE to rely on condoms, and I make sure that my boyfriend understands the risk involved. The pill is a serious drug just like all medications, it can cause serious complications. Guys who think that every woman "should be on the pill if she doesn't want kids" need to realize that it's not that simple.
this guy is a freaking psychopath and should not have access to this child, if he is THAT controlling and psychotic with you, his wife. He'll bring that same controlling nature to his child and probably be extremely emotionally abusive. my god, leave that piece of shit.