No. Stop that thinking immediately. If it wasn't consensual, then you didn't let it happen. You feel violated because you were violated. This douchebag probably thinks you won't do anything because it was outside of work and is now using his age and (I assume?) work seniority to take advantage of you. You cannot blame yourself for even a second.
First, talk to your friend outside of the office. Tell him that what he did was not okay. Be clear that he went too far and has now damaged your friendship. If you feel like you can't talk to him one-on-one, talk with your human resources supervisor. Speak to HR confidentially, and explain how you felt violated and are no longer comfortable working with him. Even though the incident happened outside of work, your coworker has now created a hostile work environment. His behavior toward a coworker outside of the office reflects negatively on the company. You are perfectly within your rights to go to a HR rep.
Talk to HR and see how you should proceed. Be clear that you are not in a relationship with this person. Explain how you felt like he went too far, and has made it difficult for you to continue to work in the same place as him. She will tell you how you should proceed. Do not stay silent. You cannot lose your job over this-- you have rights. Sexual harassment outside of the workplace is not okay. The grey area that occurs when coworkers socialize outside of work can often go too far. Take, for instance, a Google blogger's recent charges that she was harrassed by a Twitter employee at a tech conference. I'm not suggesting that you take to the Web to shame and humiliate this person, but you certainly shouldn't just let it go. It will only get worse. If he gets away with it, he'll try again, and perhaps go further. It will get to the point where you might have to leave the job to get away from him. You shouldn't have to do that.
Good luck, and let me know how it goes. If anyone has had a similar experience, please share your advice.
First, talk to your friend outside of the office. Tell him that what he did was not okay. Be clear that he went too far and has now damaged your friendship. If you feel like you can't talk to him one-on-one, talk with your human resources supervisor. Speak to HR confidentially, and explain how you felt violated and are no longer comfortable working with him. Even though the incident happened outside of work, your coworker has now created a hostile work environment. His behavior toward a coworker outside of the office reflects negatively on the company. You are perfectly within your rights to go to a HR rep.
Talk to HR and see how you should proceed. Be clear that you are not in a relationship with this person. Explain how you felt like he went too far, and has made it difficult for you to continue to work in the same place as him. She will tell you how you should proceed. Do not stay silent. You cannot lose your job over this-- you have rights. Sexual harassment outside of the workplace is not okay. The grey area that occurs when coworkers socialize outside of work can often go too far. Take, for instance, a Google blogger's recent charges that she was harrassed by a Twitter employee at a tech conference. I'm not suggesting that you take to the Web to shame and humiliate this person, but you certainly shouldn't just let it go. It will only get worse. If he gets away with it, he'll try again, and perhaps go further. It will get to the point where you might have to leave the job to get away from him. You shouldn't have to do that.
Good luck, and let me know how it goes. If anyone has had a similar experience, please share your advice.
what if it's a really small business she works at, and there isn't an HR rep to talk to?
Talk to the boss, a coworker, anyone. There's always someone to talk to. Staying silent and blaming herself is not a good idea.
it may be against the law for her to get fired but don't take it for granted that it won't happen. I was fired after several attempts to stop being exposed to pornographic emails that were being forwarded to me. The problem was I didn't keep copies and the emails were being sent to the ceo of the company. I was told by the eeoc that it was impossible to do anything unless I sued privately and that 95% of reports were never prosecuted. Just be careful.
This happened with me and a guy from work but we were good friends and i didn't want to lose our friendship over it. We still have a good time at work, but i avoid him at all costs outside of work.
Where does she say it wasn't consensual? She didn't say she was groped, she said she was felt up. In fact, she specifically mentions that she let it happen. You're encouraging her to damage his career, though her message includes nothing that suggests cause for that.
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hahha I agree