It'd be surprising if you didn't. Wanting and needing his approval as a kid, and never, ever getting it? We all need approval. Kids aren't like lawns, they don't grow better the more they are cut down to size.
The good news is, yes, it is fixable. Won't lie, that ain't my job, it'll take time and hard work, and you will feel like hell at times. That can't be helped. How good a repair job you do to your soul is up to you and the help you get. You will need help, but I can give you a rough guide to get you started.
First off, if you haven't already, no further contact with your father for a while. Voices raise memories about as effectively as smells do, and these are memories you need to lay to rest in your own time and fashion.
Second off, if you can (I don't know your circumstances), find a therapist. You need someone you can talk over these things with in a non threatening manner that you control. Friends want to help, sure, but you'll always have the thought at the back of your mind that they are being sympathetic out of duty and friendship, without understanding. A therapist is paid to dig out the pain and understand it, then make you understand it.
Thirdly, no dating for a year. At all. Flirting, go for it, it is harmless fun that makes you feel good about yourself. Social life - the fuller and busier the better. But no dating. You need to heal yourself before you can break the cycle. Click that link and read it at your leisure. It'll make you both laugh and cry, and the author is an absolutely amazing father, despite the damage his father did to him (yes, we are friends, he is one of the ones that stopped me drinking).
Fourthly, start keeping a diary. Yeah, I know this one is weird, but it lets you get out all the hurt, rage and fear. It is just a way of talking to yourself, after all, without getting funny looks in the street. It helps, and no one but you will see it, so you can be totally honest with yourself.
Be honest about your successes too!
At the moment, resentment is good. As long as you actively try to fix this, it will act as a spur to help you succeed. You will be tempted to brood about things and be all "Life isn't fair." Resist that. Life is not fair, it is what you make it.
You are stronger than that.
Good luck.
Great advice. Just keep working at it till things get better. It might take awhile but it's worth the wait to wake up and realize all the pain you went through made you stronger. Good luck :)
Wow, MM, I must say I am becoming quite impressed with you. Great sound advice there.
Excellent advice, wish I'd heard it years ago!
I've unfortunately been through the same. My emotional abuse led to my terrible depression, many trust issues, failed relationships, and ultimately, me dropping out of my undergrad. I had very little support, because my friends all had a hard time understanding how my dad, who seems like a funny, friendly guy, could have treated me that way. And some of them just didn't understand that emotional abuse IS abuse. And my sisters didn't understand, because I was the only one he abused, and they didn't want it to affect their relationships with him.
I saw a social worker weekly for two years to work through my issues. It feels for a while like you aren't making progress... but I know that after a year and a bit of sessions where I felt angry and guilty, and cried a lot, I realised I no longer felt angry or guilty, and I didn't cry.
Granted, after you do a lot of working through it, you're still going to have bad days. It's a lot of work, like MM said, but it's so worth it for freedom of not having that pain around constantly.
I haven't talked to my dad in three years. I've never been happier.
Best of luck, and remember, you are stronger than his effect on you!!