One of the immutable truths of human existence is that men love getting blowjobs. Men would prefer receiving a blowjob to virtually any other activity in the world, and some men prefer blowjobs to actual sexual intercourse.
As wonderful as they are to receive, blowjobs are often a bother to give. Some women get bored, or tired, or sore. Some women have boyfriends that smell or taste foul. Some women have a physical reason why they can't, like an active gag reflex. And some women, like you, just hate them for no discernible reason.
It is very hard to talk yourself into suddenly loving blowjobs. And that is unfortunate, because there aren't really any substitutes. The best advice I could give you is to remind yourself that blowjobs make your partner very, very happy. It is a pain, and you don't like it, but he loves it. Try to focus on that when you're going through your solemn duties.
Beyond that, you should talk to your partner about what other things he enjoys sexually, and give some suggestions. Come into the conversation prepared with options - role-play, positions, and the like. There is no such thing as a "blowjob replacement," but there may be options in the bedroom that he would be willing to try, and would probably like.
In short, you're never going to love giving as much as he loves receiving. You and he both need to be fine with that. Or else this is going to cause a lot of friction.
Ladies (and fellows), any advice?
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I think really sexy thoughts in my head and that helps me love it as much as he does if not more. I look at his face sometimes while I'm doing it and I think stuff like: ' I'm so hot right now look what I'm doing to him and he's so into it.' than I might think something like, ' A really sleazy girl might ask him if they can give him head but he'll never let them. I'm so special. He let's me do this. We're in a relationship so that means only I'm allowed." That thought alone can get me wet and make him go crazy. Than I might think something like " He's such an amazing b.f oh my God! The stuff he does for me! I want him to know how much I love him." Than I pretend I'm a porn star. And I get into it. I tell myself I'm his porn star. I'm his princess and I'm his secret fantasy and porn star. I'm the only one who can get him off. Than I take his pants off and I lick the tip a lot ....pretend I'm making out with it. Than I lick the sides like a creamcycle and look him in the eyes. Smile. Look at his ________ tell him how huge it is and no one has one like THAT. Than I try to put the whole thing in my mouth. The whole thing. Go down as far as you can. And to help myself get better and better I think " The furthur I take him in my mouth and the longer I can suck him that's how much more I love him everyday." Than I suck him exactly how I want him to have sex with me really really really fast. I pretend my mouth is my _____ and let him guide my head. I love him a lot him though. So to me it's not dirty or disgusting or a chore. To me it's a gift and a privellege because it could be me or someone else. Right? He chose me. I'm his. We're so close and to me that means it's okay. I can take him all the way. But to be honest unless you love him a lot and want to marry him - I wouldn't do it. If I didn't love him and everything about him didn't get me excited I wouldn't be doing that. You have to do what feels right for you too. If you feel gross, dirty or slutty doing something than you might not love him or you might not be ready and just feel pressured. If you love him than it's okay. That's the difference. Sometimes I'm tired and I don't want sex and I really just want to give him head. Sometimes when he's not even around I fantasize about getting him off. But I love him a lot. I never feel dirty or slutty. I feel excited, amazed and really happy. I feel like a princess. What you do in the bedroom reflects your relationship, right? My guy treats me so good in and out of the bedroom and that's why I can let go completley. I can go on my knee's and give him head. I know no matter what it's between us and he loves me. There's trust. He's so cute after I do it he always says he loves me as if he read my mind. I never worry or feel bad later. So just make sure you don't force it and it feels right. You might date lots of guys and you don't want to do it to all of them. Just the one/ones you feel like are really special. And that's really okay. I didn't give head to every single guy I dated. Just be comfortable with yourself, your sexuality and your own choices. Best of luck! Ps. If you do love him and want to get into it - watching porn kind of helps you learn how to do it properly.
I wouldn't tell anyone who's starting out with things to use anything in porn for hints on how to go about their sex life D: (day-to-day porn that is, the sort with actual couples enjoying each other may be more helpful) porn is made to be hot for the people watching it more than those participating D:
(sorry if I took that out of context, I skipped to the end because I figured most of that was you talking about yourself)
What advice would you give? I assumed we were all adults and her question was about blow jobs. Sorry if my comment seemed distasteful or offensive to you......I guess some people prefer slow, boring sex...I don't know. My boyfriend is happy. As for your comment I was not aware there was two types of porn - porn is porn. I really don't understand women. I was trying to be helpful. I said porn so you know...because when I first started I didn't know how to do it. Get it? If you want to learn anything you have to study it or pay attention to how other people did it before you. You can just jump in and do it, but you might miss something. I guess I was just trying to improve. I reccomend that everyone great in bed or not trys to learn more stuff so that you keep it fresh. Cheating happens a lot now and same with divorces. I'm not saying people divorce or break up because of sex, but I do think women are very brain washed. It's great to be good and be loyal. But don't forget guys like you to be really good and innocint out of the bedroom....in the bedroom you have to be more assertive. Not neessarily a porn star. But different. You have to seem confident and excited about sex. I think society makes women think they have to be timid and shy everywhere. All I was saying is that if you love someone and you are faithful it's okay to role play and enjoy oral sex. It doesn't make you bad or slutty. I'm not a porn star....obviously or I wouldn't have needed to watch porn in order to learn how to do something. Maybe read it again more carefully.
I personally think that if you're really not into something, then that's that, case closed. I enjoy anal, but my boyfriend hates the concept of the backdoor, which I'm fine with, though it does occasionally bother me a bit. I love to roleplay and discuss fantasies, he is more vanilla in the bedroom in a serious way. I have amassed a large collection of BDSM equipment, and he's perfectly fine with both me using on him and him using on me.
At the end of the day, your joys and your hates are your own. You need to find what works for YOU! If that involves the person you are with, then that is an amazing coincidence. If you can find a workable and happy middle ground, then you are luckier than most.
There are always areas where people don't mesh perfectly, but you have to be sure you communicate properly with your partner, and they with you, in order to have a lasting, or at least happy, relationship. If it is something you cannot deal with(out) or it is something they cannot deal with(out), then you may want to analyze your relationship and figure out if it is ultimately working for the two of you together.
"Without sex it would be so easy to choose appropriate people to live with. Sex was the joker in an otherwise rational deck."
Blowjobs aren't fun to give. Maybe, like the first commenter, you can talk yourself into enjoying it. It's still physically uncomfortable. If you just dislike the pain in your neck, jaw, lips, whatever, then you should just suck it up and give him the blowjob. If you feel emotionally violated, then you should stop.
Also, my own technique for making them better is to treat it like a competition against myself. I'm constantly trying to get better, learn new techniques, and improve the control of my gag reflex. When he is laying there, speechless and quivering afterward then you win. Treat it like a craft to hone.
Hello. Usually I love blowjobs, because I know I'm pleasing my man. I truly am a pleaser! Sometimes, though- and occasionally- especially after five years- I'm just too tired, my neck is sore, or for some reason my gag reflex is kicking in because of how not into it I truly am. At those moments, I usually turn to him and say "Bah- just not into it right now"- but the moment I see his smile turn into a disappointed "oh really?"- I can't bare the thought of not going down on him to please him. He is my man, afterall. So I suck it up and I go for the kill. It does feel like more of a JOB than a fun experience at this point, and with every time his member hits the back of my throat I think "oh please be the time you cum because I'm just too tired." But I get through it. It's not the worst. Now the fact that you HATE blowjobs, is something you need to explore.
It's his penis, a reproductive organ- it's truly a sensitive and beautiful thing. I want you to think of the nerve endings all over his member next time you are running your mouth over it. Just think about how much pleasure he feels and hopefully that will get you turned on. Just know he is experiencing great pleasure and you are the maker of it. See if that works.
Works for me.
GL
There is a technique to giving a good bj, much like anything else but to actually enjoy it, is a whole different concept. I personally love giving them; the sight of them getting turned on and their facial expressions and reaction makes it enjoyable and completely hot for me. I, on the other hand, am very open and completely comfortable when it comes to sex. It's a very natural thing. But if giving head is not enjoyable for you, it can take away from the experience for him. Why not suggest a 69, so that you are getting yours and while he's busy getting you hot and bothered, maybe, it turns you on a little more to giving him head. Or use it for foreplay for just a couple of minutes before proceeding into sex. If you are new to giving head, why not try going back and forth during it between head and a handjob?
When you care about someone, sometimes you will do things that are unpleasant for you because you know how good it makes them feel. I don't think that your bf should expect you to give him BJs all the time - and he shouldn't ask for them. But you should surprise him once in a while by giving him one. I'm sure he sometimes does things he doesn't like to do just to please you (and if he doesn't, then maybe you need to question the relationship dynamic)
he can forget about it. idc how much he loves it. i do everything for him but that. and he doesnt even do half the things i do for him, so he needs to step it up.
He doesnt do 'half the things you ask him) because you DONT give him blowjobs trust me we men are that simple.
It's quite simply demeaning. Humiliating. No fun and as I personally dislike receiving oral (I fall asleep instead of getting turned on), I see absolutely no point in it. No. loving my partner is no good reason either. I hate it, and if he loves me in return he shouldn't even dream of asking something from me I hate. There are so many more means to have sex which are fun to BOTH sides, that there's no need to force one partner..
I personally do not like giving BJ my neck and jaws start to hurting and it is very uncomfortable. I try to do it anyways but it always seems to take for ever for my BF to... And apparently I always seem to stop right when he's there and then he has to build it back up again and it becomes very frustrating for the both of us. I really would Like to please him. I really enjoy receiving and don't want to be selfish so I try to please him even with all of the pain it causes me. Is there a special technique???
I personally do not like giving BJ my neck and jaws start to hurting and it is very uncomfortable. I try to do it anyways but it always seems to take for ever for my BF to... And apparently I always seem to stop right when he's there and then he has to build it back up again and it becomes very frustrating for the both of us. I really would Like to please him. I really enjoy receiving and don't want to be selfish so I try to please him even with all of the pain it causes me. Is there a special technique???