Sleeping in general is one of those solo activities we've sort of co-opted into a partner thing. Sometimes I find it strange that grown people sleep on the same mattress. Not even children do that. What are we hamsters?
Unless you're in the first six weeks of a relationship or actually living in a Ryan Gosling film, couples don't really fall and stay asleep as a unit. Usually, pretty soon after the lights go out and the semen dries, soon after the first pang of "My leg feels trapped" or "Ok pops, I can't breathe like this," the agitated member rolls over and retreats for colder, wider pastures.
Now, in your situation it's the staying asleep part that's got you all twisted. Snoring. Snoring truly is one of natures little f*ck-ups. Nothing is more enraging or torture filled than your lover's unconscious snort/half chock, face rumble throughout the night. It can drive a perfectly sane bitch nuts. I bet some people would rather be cheated on once a month than endure 30 nights of a snorer as a lover.
That's because there's something uniquely crazy-making about being kept up by a snorer. A unique madness develops for the sleepless during the course of a night. It's like The Shining every night. Somewhere between the 12th time you forcefully sush your soundly sleeping snorer and the 25th time you try a futile breathing technique on yourself, your mind starts shifting into a violent monologue. "This person next to me, this person who calls himself my boyfriend - ha, you arenothing but the devil. Look at you, trying to be all innocent with that evil little mouth half open. You're trying to ruin me, aren't you? You're trying to to make certain I only sleep 22 minutes tonight? Are you trying to make certain that I look like Steve Buscemi for my meeting tomorrow? You are snoring just to say I am sleeping and you are not."
This endless monologue is a lose-lose. The sleeper doesn't actually deserve it and more important it doesn't get you to sleep any quicker.
My suggestions are as follows:
1. Have this dude checked for sleep apnea or any other condition, life style, habit, etc that canhelp reduce his snoring.
2. Have him try herbal remedies and acupuncture.
3. Wear ear plugs.
4. Run a fan in the room.
5. Run a white noise maker in the room.
6. Fall asleep before him.
7. Roll him over.
8. Make him sleep on the couch.
9. Sing any number of songs from the musical Rent at a piercing volume then, when he awakens, throw a bucket of horse sh*t on him and casually sit on your dresser and weep till the sun comes up.
"...and casually sit on your dresser and weep till the sun comes up." XD
13 years I've been married to a snorer. It f*cking blows. I've gone the earplug route and it did help for a while until my ears started getting infected. :/
I too am a light sleeper. White noise doesn't work for me because I'm a light sleeper.
What does work:
~Me falling asleep before him (which never happens because he falls asleep hours before I do). This has only happened on the rare occasion I've been ill and went to bed at 7:30pm.
~Nudging him repeatedly until he is face down in his pillow and hardly breathing at all.
~Kicking him out. I love him. I feel better when he's in the same room with me, but I have kicked him out long around 3am after I've been shoving him for the past 3 hours.
Like Funny Guy said, have him checked out for sleep apnea. My husband has enlarged tonsils and a deviated septum and sleep apnea. Unfortunately, due to lack of insurance we can't afford to pay to get any of this fixed. But we at least have a diagnosis as to why he's made my nights hell for the past 13 years.
Aww I feel for you, I snore and do keep my wife awake too. I offer to sleep in a different room, but she insists I lay next to her. Unfortunately in my case there seems to be no specific cause and the snoring is irregular - almost random.
Seriously - I don't even know myself anymore!! We've just moved into a new apartment with the worst bed ever. It is smaller than what we are used to so there is no corner to escape my BFs crazy sleep habits. My BF not only snores but duvet hogs and also takes up 80% of the space. There have been multiple occasions when I wake up in a panic with my face dangerously close to the wall - trapped between legs and arms. He talks in his sleep and just as I've got over the snoring, drifting back into peaceful, silent sleep - he goes and YELLS out something - scaring the bananas out of me and while he falls back to sleep, i'm lying there wide eyed, heart pounding going 'WTF?'. Sometimes it can be animal noises which are equally as frightening as they are disturbing. He even puts his head on my pillow - RIGHT UP there to my face blowing his breath all over me. it's making claustrophobic even writing about it. I am not proud of myself - but there have been times when i have resorted to violent words, given him the odd shove and kick and thought horrible things about him. I feel so bad for him because he is constantly being wakened by this NIGHTMARE B**ch (me) and at the time he has no idea as to why I am being so mean to him.
I think we will have to buy a new bed.
...can't...breathe...laughing too much...
Thanks, he is going this week to get checked out for sleep apnea and other things like a deviated septum. We have tried the fan, and it worked better than everything else (other things we've used include ear plugs, me trying to fall asleep first, me taking gravol before bed, me kicking him, attempting in vain to roll him over), but since we live in Canada, it's not really an option between the months of October and April. I do want to try the white noise though, or even one of those thunderstorm cds.
Thanks again for your help!