Yes, that behavior is definitely inappropriate and I don't blame you for wanting to stop it.
Unfortunately, no matter how gracefully you call him out on his flirting, things will be awkward between you once you do. I don't know that you will ruin your professional relationship, but you certainly won't help it, either. You just need to know that going in. It's not fair, but there it is.
What sucks about situations like these is that he's the one behaving inappropriately, but you're the one stuck with the uncomfortable task of asking him to stop and looking (or feeling) like the bad guy. If you didn't care about saving the professional connection, I'd say confront him immediately and make it clear that he needs to stop. But since you do care, it makes the situation even trickier, obviously.
Question: have you considered just avoiding the man as much as possible? Yeah, I know, you shouldn't have to, but let's be practical here--it's an option. You don't say whether or not you actually work with the guy, so is it possible to cut down on your exposure to him? How important is this professional connection? Can you just cut him out of your life?
Beyond that, all I know to do is pull him aside and ask him to stop, which you have every right to do. You can be tactful and polite, but, again, your relationship with this man will change. Whether or not you can live with that, only you can say.
I'd like to open this one up to readers, since I've never been in this situation and perhaps some of you have. What should she do? Get in his face? Ignore it? Try something else? Let's hear your thoughts.
Thanks for the question.
I'm a person that lacks tact, honestly. Some people really like that about me, but it certainly has its risks, too. If it were me, I'd just straight up flip him the bird, swear at him, and tell him to smarten up before the relationship can't continue anymore. But not all people are tactless like me, so, if that doesn't work for you, don't try it. -_-
Is this guy your friend? If so, lacking tact will be more tolerated on his part than if he's not your friend. Jeez, half of my friendships are BASED on sarcastic insults. But again, if he's not your friend, probably not a great idea.
So, I like WA's idea of being direct and honest, but also of being polite and tactful. Try that first. If that doesn't work, *coughtheresalwaysthetactlessoption* you might have to look for someone else to take on his professional role for you.
Good luck!
You could join in on his joke by pretending to break up with him. And if he doesn't get the hint, that's when you could be like, seriously guy, this needs to stop.
There is an option that might allow him to save face and not make you the bad guy. Is there another colleague, preferably a man, that you both are close to? that person could take the other man aside and let him know his behavior is inappropriate, especially if he witnesses it. He could remind him that he is setting himself up for sexual harassment in the workplace. This way they guy gets the message and his ego is saved, you aren't being bothered and the guy that warned him looks like a hero. Just a thought.
That's a great idea, Carolyn. Thanks.
I would recommend being polite but very distant. Don't stand or sit near him. Ignore him as much as possible. Talk to him as little as possible. If he manages to get close enough to hug you, stiffen up and pull away or push him away. Keep something between yourself and him at all times if possible--a desk, a chair, another person, whatever. Body language can speak volumes if you use it correctly. If he flirts with you, don't smile or laugh at him. Glare at him or don't respond to him at all. Pretend you didn't hear him and walk away immediately. Just because he talks to you does not mean you have to answer him.
Keep yourself very busy doing everything but paying attention to him when you are around him. Any time he tries to corner you, immediately say you have work to do and brush past him. Talk to him about business matters only. Don't make small talk with him about the weather or the news or his family or anything else. Avoid eye contact with him.
If he makes jokes about you being "in an affair" with him, I would suggest rolling your eyes and shaking your head in disgust at him. Say something like, 'Oh please, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. You know that would never happen. We are business associates and nothing more." Say it completely serious and straight. Don't use a voice that will make him think you are flirting or teasing him back.
If these actions don't work, by all means, tell him straight up that you would like to keep your relationship with him on a completely professional level and that you are not comfortable with his words and actions. If he persists, tell him that you are going to report him for sexual harassment and then promptly do so.
Personally, I wouldn't want to try to keep this type of professional connection around anyway if it could be avoided. You shouldn't have to tolerate this type of behavior just to do business with him. Like Cary said, being cool and aloof around him or confronting him, either way the relationship between the two of you is going to change, so be prepared for that.
Hi! I am the questioner. Thank you so much for answering my question. I do a lot of work in the political world, and while I do not work in an office with the guy, I do see him at professional events. He has even opened some professional doors for me. He is really nice, but as I said too nice, to the point where it has made me feel uncomfortable. I have a bad habit for nervous laughter which probably has encouraged the inappropriate behavior from him. You didn't tell me anything I wasn't already thinking, but I NEEDED to hear it from someone else, in particular a man so I could get the perspective of someone from the opposite sex.
I also want to thank the people who have made comments. I will take the advice of body language first and then saying something if he doesn't get the hint next time. Thanks everyone, especially you Cary for posting this and giving your feedback.
Glad to help. Good luck.
This screams "document me" all over it. Be smart. Be safe. Write it down.
I hate the PC inappropriate. When I was in college i was playing and became a pest her BF is a friend who sat me dow and told me the i was carring it too far, I realized that I had worn out the joke and was on my way to wearing out friendships. i apoligized to her and we went on bing friends. Sometimes people get stuck in the moment and need help to get out of a failed rut.
With spelling like that you went to college?