I have been casually hooking up with someone for over three months now. The sex is out of this world.I recently have had reason to believe that he has a GF. If he does-would it be wrong of me keep seeing him? He initially told me that he didn't have time for a GF, hence the FWB. Help!
Dan Seitz answered this question on
November 23, 2011 6:20 AM
Yes, it would be wrong for you to keep seeing him, if he has a girlfriend.
But let's give him the benefit of the doubt, at least. Ask him point blank: present why you think he might have a girlfriend and see what he says. Honestly, if he's lying, you'll probably know.
Good answer. Could it be just another FWB situation?
This brings up a bit of a gray area that I have wondered about. What if you're in a FWB, and one of you has another FWB going -- are you morally obligated to be open about it? I think yes, just in terms of respect & at the very least consideration for your friends' physical health.
If you're in an FWB and one of you has another FWB, for pity's sake bring it up. Yes, it's important for physical health reasons, but it also prevents love triangles from forming: If you know that your FWB has a second FWB, you can be alert for signs that they're developing romantic feelings for each other and get out of the way before things get awkward. If one FWB reacts with jealousy when he/she finds out about the other, then you know that that person secretly wanted more than FWB. Oh, and if someone has multiple FWBs, he/she needs to treat them the same way or one of them will get jealous!
it's not okay to sleep with someone who has a girlfriend. sheesh. are women so uneducated this needs to be said out LOUD. as to the other commenter i would say, who you sleep with is fair game until one of you has an exclusive relationship. i dont know that you are morally obligated to be open about it if both are in FWB and doing the same with others. but i also honestly don't know how any body could keep up with that kind of thing, emotionally or physically, but thats just me. waiting for exclusivity just takes out all of these questions and makes things so much easier in my world. i know, i'm old fashioned, i dont really care. i'm also really healthy and never had to question my moral obligations in a sexual relationship.
Original poster here - I don't think your health has anything to do with it, first of all. We are both safe professionals engaging in something that our time only allows us to do. I was under the impression, per our previous discussion about our situation, that if something were to change, either of us would let the other know. Now, he has not done that. He has not come to me to end things. Rather, he keeps coming back for more. I have my reasons to believe that something else is going on. I am not a distrustful woman by any means; I'm not one to confront someone over my own suspicions. I just don't want to be the bad person in the scenario wrecking a relationship that may or may not exist. I have a friend who approached me about his significant other, unknowing about our tryst. Needless to say, that is more than a suspicion and I plan to address it with him.
in my eyes, if he isn't saying anything and you are both continuing things, there is nothing making you the bad person here. if he's not being honest thats on him, not you. good luck.
This same situation happened to me but I am not okay with continuing to see him. I want him to know that I am not stupid and he is not going to get away with his lack of respect to me and the other girl. He has no idea that I know he continued a relationship with his ex gf while still hooking up with me. I want to come out of this situation on top and in a classy way. I have a wedding next weekend that he's expecting me to invite him too and i am obviously going to take someone else at this point which may send a message in itself. I am wondering how to approach this situation and act next time I see him? I was thinking of just being cool and distant because I have to see him fairly regularly in a work setting and would like to maintain some sort of civil friendship while letting him know that I deserve and can do better.