Look, you know my opinion on cheating. It is cowardly, pathetic and simply wrong. So stop it right now. Drop one or the other. Really, really not happy with you here.
You got one guy for sex, and one guy you don't want to lose to pick from. Your sex guy is probably just in it for the sex, and won't be interested in a relationship. So which one to dump is pretty much a no brainer.
Confess to the boyfriend you say you don't want to lose and he'll be out of there so damned fast you'll think he is in bullet time.
Sure, confession may be good for the soul, but it is really crap for keeping a relationship going, especially if you tell him what you told me. The last thing any guy wants to hear is "You are so bad in bed that I had to contract my sexual satisfaction out."
Now, when you say he doesn't do it for you, is he physically incapable? Or just clumsy and inept? If it is the former, you are going to have to think long and hard (sorry) about the relationship. If it is the latter - well, you know what works for you, thanks to Mr. Second String, so teach your boyfriend what works for you! It requires honesty with him, which I know is your weak point, but will eventually work.
Your call.
Wow, I'm suffocating from all that remorse.
Oh snap, Mystery Man.
It does not sound like it is going to work with either guy, does it? Be honest and true to yourself as well...
She doesn't deserve to be with her boyfriend. I'm firmly of the opinion that honesty is always best. It's nice if she wants to try and keep the relationship going, but what about his rights? At the moment he's acting under the deluded premise that she's only with him, and even though yes, lying about it and keeping it hidden would probably keep the relationship going, he absolutely has the right to know, otherwise it's just messing with his life and the decisions he's made in a way that someone shouldn't be able to.
I don't care if she wants to stay with him. She cheated, repeatedly, and he deserves to know that so he can make genuine decisions about the way his life should go. Why should he end up stuck with her? Why does she get to choose who to be with after acting so immature?
As someone who was effectively conned back into a relationship ("no, I haven't been with anyone in the time we've been apart either, all I could think about was you, I love you and I couldn't even think about other people" = lies) I think people should always have the right to make genuine decisions about their own lives.
What she said...!!
This is one of those scenarios where the truth might do more harm than good. Telling a man he's so unsatisfying sexually that you had to look elsewhere just might be the worst thing you could ever tell a man, and could do him permanent harm. There's a reason people started saying "it's not you, it's me"
I'm not saying she should be cruel to him. Admitting the cheating is necessary; being too direct about the supposed reason why is not.
And in my opinion, it's her fault she wasn't sexually satisfied, as she clearly didn't bring it up maturely with her partner. That would have been an awkward and horrible conversation to have, but much better to talk through sexual issues than to bang someone else behind his back.
He doesn't deserve to be with a liar and a cheat. And she shouldn't get to decide on her own that he does.
These people crack me up. You don't know what to do? Do you know who you love? (I'm sure the answer to that is neither, but that's beside the point.) Honestly.
You don't want to lose him? Well, you should have thought of that before you took your pants off for some other guy. It's well within your boyfriend's rights to kick you to the curb, and you have no right to complain if he does so.
You claim that you want to be with him, yet your desire for sexual gratification is so strong that you're willing to break your boyfriend's trust in such a spectacular way to get it? Do you value your orgasm over any happiness you get from your boyfriend? Because if so, it sounds like you've already made your decision on which one is more important to you and which one you want to protect. As far as telling him, decide what you'd rather he do if the roles were switched. Deceive you by pretending everything is fine, or be honest and let you make the decision?
I'm sorry I'm being a jerk about this, but I know what it's like to put someone back together after their S.O. does this shit to them. You have no sympathy from me.
There's no way you even care that much for you boyfriend to begin with. If you did you wouldn't have the capacity to cheat on him. Do him a favor, spare him the pain and break up with him before you hurt him more. I highly doubt he deserves your crap.
Seriously.., Mist. Tell her to be the bi’otch she is & leave her boyfriend so he can go find someone who truly does care about him. Sheez…
Tried shouting - it doesn't seem to work, no matter how good it makes me feel.
I’m dumbfounded she had to ask..., “Idk what to do!”
Asker,
Ever heard of "the Golden Rule"?
It's:
"Do unto others as you would have others do unto you."
May be corny, but it's a great simple way to think about how to proceed.
Would you like to be cheated on for 10 months because your BF wants a side dish? Probably not.
Just some food for thought.
Good luck.
Everyone can say it is wrong but I know exactly what you are going through, and it is not an easy situation! My bf and I have been together for several years and sex is nonexistent! He's a great guy and I don't want to lose him so I too did what had to be done. I did tell him and he admitted that he is partially at fault, but nothing changed!! So I continue to do it and we just don't discuss it. I would think most guys would not be so accepting but you have to do what makes you happy. Try to talk to him but if things don't change there's no other solution. When you're ready to leave you'll know it.
really??? do what had to be done??? Have you tried a vibrator???? They work too and they don't involve you cheating on your partner. Talking to him once is not going to do anything. You keep talking to him. Just imagine him cheating on you cause you were bad in bed. Im sure you'd love that.
No, he was not partially at fault. And shame on you for letting/making him think that! As if cheating wasn't cruel enough, you do that shit to him too?
and girls asked why are men so adamant on not committing to relationships. Hell if i was the guy who you're cheating on and you either 1) tell him the truth
or 2) he finds out entirely on his own, i won't stay. It would be sad but then again, if you're willing to cheat on him just for sex, then you're no different from a guy then eh
I shake my head and say, "Oh karma!"
There is absolutely no justification for 'cheating' EVER!! If you aren't getting what you need sexually from your boyfriend then try to find a way to make it better...talk to him, tell him how you feel, what you need..if that doesn't help then walk away. Also, you need to be truthful with you boyfriend and yes he will probably dump you, which you deserve.
Who knows what we would do if our partner was not physically able to have sex anymore because of an accident, cancer, chemo, age, etc. You would still love him and want to be with him. Maybe you would last years not having sex, maybe not... This is not something many of us have had to face... Who knows what we would do in that situation...
What if you were not able to satisfy your partner? God forbid you were raped and just did not want to have sex anymore. Maybe he could help you overcome it but what if it took years. Not simple straightforward cheating that is wrong...
My husband was diagnosed with cancer. While going through his chemo therapy we couldn't have sex. His cancer and his treatments lasted 2 years before he died. I stood by his side through it all and I never once had the thought to cheat on him. If you are in a committed, loving relationship there is more then sex to keep you committed to that relationship.
However, if the sex is important to you, then you need to talk to your partner. Find out if he is willing to step up and figure out how to take care of your needs. If he is not, then get his blessing to seek it elsewhere. DO NOT in any circumstance SNEAK behind his back and seek the comfort of someone else if you expect to keep a loving and committed relationship with your boyfriend as that is a definite recipe to get caught and have it blow up in your face. If he is not willing to step up and figure out how to take care of your needs himself and he does not like the idea of letting someone else take care of those needs for you, then you guys need to part ways. It may be difficult but it would be necessary at that point in time.
Spot on, and I am sorry for your loss.
If you don't want to "lose him", you shouldn't have cheated... Don't be a skank. That's never good.
The answer to your question is so obvious.
YOU HAVE ALREADY LOST HIM!!
and congtratulations, in the process you have managed to also lose yourself, your Self Respect PLUS, its gonna get worst, wayyy worst than this. as time passes by, you'll find more and more reasons and ppl to fuel your need for "passion".
Nothing you say will make a difference, you can choose to believe it or not your choice. You can even choose to blame your soon to be ex, because he cant satisfy you, you outsourced this department to another guy.
Face it! If girls are insecure abt havin small boobs, then how would a guy with problems "down there" feel!! being that guys are egocentric creatures.
you dont deserve him and he doesnt owe you anything. Everything is up to him, you dont get a choice.
Can you imagine how it feels to shake the hand of a person who has just "dumped a load" into your girlfriend? God you're such a selfish and idiotic Bi-yotch!