The key to this problem, and to another very similar question I received this week, is honesty. Be honest with yourself first and those around you. You are not doing anyone a favor by hiding your suffering - and the real you, the inside you, that feels like you're a fraud and ready to implode every waking minute needs a rest. Easier said than done, but often times when our mental struggles become overwhelming we need to reverse a bit and start on a new path. A path that might not be as sexy as weekend getaways to Vegas or partying with our friends, but is all together more fulfilling and critical. It's the path of counseling and doing the inner-work of digging in inside not of burying oneself in outside distractions.
Dating and developing relationships is really secondary to all that. Maybe that's not fun to hear, but it is the truth. It's like doubles tennis. How are you supposed to be a solid partner if you feel like hell and can barely get your racket over your head? Go back into "the gym" and get your serve right. Only then will you be aces.
Hi 19-and-never-been-kissed. I'm 23 (minus a few weeks) and never been kissed, and while I am not overly tall, starting in early adolescense began to be beset by very similar things to what you describe. (Although I'm not actually bipolar, before the depression set in fully, I was always very volatile emotionally, highstrung, with higher ups and lower downs than the people around me seemed to have, but my moods in those days were almost always triggered by events, not on some sort of time-cycle.) I really can't say how long I was depressed, it sort of snuck up on me and it was a while before I realized that it really was depression, even though it wasn't a carbon copy of the kind you read about in books. Things would go up and down and I'd go through different phases, but with a class ceiling or something on my emotions. Last March I suddenly realized that the glass ceiling on my emotions had been lifted. But even though I'm not depressed anymore, I still have lots of trouble with anxiety and OCD, and I finally actually noticed that I suffer from panic attacks (apparently those around me knew, but I didn't really notice because of my dampered emotions). All the high-strungness from back when I was a kid is back, which is really embarrassing to try and deal with at my age.
TO GET TO THE POINT, I have had similar experiences to what you describe--the guys who approach me romantically are usually creepy or immature--and I have a theory. I think that most guys of a certain maturity and decency level have some sort of sense, whether they are consciously aware of it or not, that clues them in to when a girl has a lot of personal stuff to work through before she's ready to be in a relationship. I have a lot of good guy friends. Lots of people love me and wish me all the best. When my depression was on the weak end, sometimes I would fall in love with a guy I knew. Even though nothing has ever come of it, I know about the character of these guys and have remained friends with most of them. I have good taste in guys. I used to wonder what was wrong with me that they seemed to write me of almost as a matter of course. But I realized it was because they didn't want to damage me. Since I was in such a delicate condition, I wasn't ready to meet a guy as an equal. No decent guy would want to go out with me in that state unless they were sure they weren't going to have to break my heart later. I of course found this very frustrating and thought that I should have the right to break my heart if I felt like it, but then my heart wouldn't be the only one involved, would it? "Creepy" guys, unfortunately, aren't perceptive or principled enough to look out for the best interests of people like you and I. They aren't emotionally mature enough to look out for the best interests of the other person, instead of just what they want.
That's my theory anyway: If you are not in a place in your life where being in a romantic relationship, with all the risks that entails, would be healthy for you, decent guys will be able to smell it and will give you space to grow, whether you want them to or not.
I figure it's not like you have to wait until all this psychological stuff goes away. It's not like you have to wait until you're not a mess. It can't be like that: humans are always a mess. But I guess we have to wait until we've come to terms with our mess and owned it before we try to go out into the world to find someone else and figure out to combine their mess and our mess.
I would appreciate feedback on my theory from any decent guys out there. I did send a question to Girls' BFF about decent guys having a seventh sense of the kind I describe or not a couple days ago.
Honey, you're only 19, I didn't have my first kiss till I was 21 and i know other people who have waited a lot longer. In this respective, don't let TV dictate what the 'norm' is when it comes to these things. Everyone's timelines are different, and a lot of people only get their first relationships/kisses in their 20's. There's no rush.
By experience (mine only and yours will be totally different and you need to know this none are the same, you should be talking to your dr and be on meds and taking them, that is) I am 51 and have been through the kissing and a bit more.. being bipolar has been challenging for me in the way that when you are up (manic) people (guys) are drawn to you because you are a lot of fun! read up on mania, talk to your dr. stuff that comes with mania sometimes is wanting to kiss and maybe more stuff.. Just know what's going on with you, your own education. The other thing I heard today is so true, If you have to give up 1/2 of you with a mate to make up a whole person in a relationship it's not worth it. You have to be your whole person without giving up any of you. You should compliment each other. I'm still learning about my life and what and what I can not deal with. Keep your standards high. Good luck.