Oh - sweet question! Thank you!
FWB is an ancient and honorable tradition, with all the cultural baggage that implies. But - having gone through all the rules, advice, and historical examples - it boils down to four things.
1/ Friend first, benefits second.
You two are friends. The sex bit is secondary. Make sure it stays that way. The benefits should not overpower the fact that he can call you, drunk at 3 am and have you talk him down from some foolishness, or the top of the town Christmas tree.
2/ Don't cock block.
The guy will get sudden passions - even if you are out together having a meal or a quiet drink. If he gets a sudden serious case of the hots for someone, be his wingman and cheer him on.
3/ Jealousy and Guilt is not an option.
You don't own him. He doesn't own you. FWB is an eyes open, no illusions relationship. Hard to do at times. And - it will end at some stage. You have to accept that.
4/ The rules apply to both of you.
No special pleading. He is bound by them as firmly as you are. Make sure you are both on the same page as far as what you expect. Some guys - not that I'd point fingers - use FWB as a way to maintain a harem. That is a real dick move.
FWB can mutate into love. Or loathing. But that is a question for another day. That about covers it. Enjoy!
Just make sure he's not type 4 & you're not into him darling
good Luck!
"I have written plenty of times about how much I can't stand the term 'friends with benefits.' That phrase is used only to make booty calls seem classier, and to help commitmentphobes lie to themselves about actually being in a relationship. In love, I believe in 'game on' or 'game off.' As a concept, 'friends with benefits' is an attempt to have the best of both worlds. But it's a lie. In a 'friends with benefits' situation, someone is always going to want more or less. But because you're just 'friends,' the topic of emotional and sexual needs cannot be broached. A 'friend with benefits' is a relationship that thinks it's a friendship. It's a mutual self-deception that doesn't end well... for someone.
"I learned to ride a bike without training wheels. Sure, I fell down and went splat multiple times. But I learned quickly. I swam without inflatable wings and I bowled with out gutter guards. Which means I had to figure out that the quickest route to success is through a field of failure. I learned to love without 'friends with benefits.'"
-JDV
True, and it was a good argument - especially for people who fail to apply the rules.
I've been "with" my FWB for two years now. I can honestly say that I love him as a person and as a good human being. And it ends there. That's about all that it can warp into sadly.