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I have been in a long distance relationship for about 3 yrs. But he never visits! Should I be worried?

Dear Person Who Wrote This,

You've sent me this question a dozen or so times. I'm guessing you need this answered. But there's really not enough information here. How often does he see you? Has he not seen you in three years? Why are the two of you separated? How far away is he?

Long distance relationships are really hard. I've been there, so I sympathize with the freak out. A long distance relationship partly exists in a vacuum, and it's way to easy to fill that vaccuum with insecurity and fear. You know that old saying "out of sight, out of mind?" I don't think that's always true. Sometimes it's "out of sight, constantly on my mind."

Does he call you? Text? Do you instant message? What's the quality like when you do talk or spend actual time together?

I wouldn't worry. I mean, I live life expecting the best, and preparing for the worst. But my instinct is to always trust, until it's time not to trust.

But, like, if you're not getting that you need from this relationship, that worry might be a symptom of something bigger. It's really hard to maintain a long distance relationship without some kind of endgame. A vague plan to be together in the future.

Do you even have that?

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11 Comments

user-pic

I used to really believe in long distance relationships. I was in one and everything was perfect despite being in 2 different continents. It all went well for 5 years, we saw eachother as ofter as we could, texted, called, emailed, skyped everyday. One day we took a holiday in Italy together, after an amazing week together he told me he had a girlfriend "she´s just like you, but she lives 5 miles away".
Broke my heart

user-pic

I used to really believe in long distance relationships. I was in one and everything was perfect despite being in 2 different continents. It all went well for 5 years, we saw eachother as ofter as we could, texted, called, emailed, skyped everyday. One day we took a holiday in Italy together, after an amazing week together he told me he had a girlfriend "she´s just like you, but she lives 5 miles away".
Broke my heart

user-pic

Wow...what a bastard.

user-pic

To be fair, the website is often hiccuping and people post things multiple times, so perhaps That's why her question got sent more than once. Distance is hard, and even if you talk all of the time, you still could be making them into something They're not. So be careful and be honest.

user-pic

i don't blame her for sending it a couple of times. You guys don't answer some stuff sometimes. I've asked stuff before that never got answered.

Cary McNeal

We get a lot of questions. I have exactly 2,083 unanswered questions in my queue at the moment, and I'm assuming all the guys have that many or more. So, yeah, some will go unanswered.

Nano Girl

Oh quit giving the guys shit. I'm sure answering people's whiny questions can get monotonous. Just sayin'. And as for long distance, fuck it. Bleh. I had a 2 year relationship long distance, never saw him, and had to fight him for any attention whatsoever. If it doesn't feel right, or you feel alone, end it.

B

If he never visits for three years well then YEA he probably is cheating on you, besides how far away is he?

secrets

I live life expecting the best, and preparing for the worst

i don't

i plan for the worst, and HOPE for the best!

people call me "negative"

thank you

Seagoatsarah

LOL Don't be worried, be done. He is probably 60 years old with grandkids.

brat02

I've been in a similar situatian, my ex and I tried the long distance thing, and eventually we decided to break up. (neither of us can drive, so that was a factor) I say, time to move on. I mean what's the point of dateing someone long distance if you rarely see them??

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