Masturbate. Early and often. Wank it, spank it, crank it and yank it. Go at it like a 13-year-old boy with his first issue of Playboy or a bored zoo monkey scandalizing a group of senior citizens.
If it makes you feel any better, your situation is common. I know several women in your same boat. But that's not really gonna help you get off, is it?
It's easy to get into a rut when you've been diddling the same person for years. You reach a point where you can almost predict each other's next move in the sack. "Okay, he's kissing my neck. Next comes the boobs, then a hand between my legs." But I'm not going to give you the old speech about mixing things up, because you've already tried that.
In your hubby's defense, I'll remind you that women are complicated, and pleasing them 'tween the sheets generally takes more work than pleasing a man. Well, maybe work is the wrong word; more like skill, patience, selflessness, and, most importantly, effort. Effort is key. You've done your part to solve the problem; is he doing his? Has he read the books, watched the porn (stupid question), listened to your suggestions and tried them?
If he's not even trying after you spelled it out for him, then pleasing you just isn't important to him. Maybe he thinks that since he is happy with the status quo, you should be, too. Or maybe he's just checked out of the marriage altogether, and the lousy sex is a symptom of a much larger problem.
If he's trying but still failing, if he's all thumbs and teeth and slobber, that's not good, either, but at least he's trying. You've told him what you want, and you'll probably have to tell him again. He should improve with some practice. Sex takes effort, but it isn't rocket science, especially when your partner gives you pointers. I think anyone can become a better lover with enough education and practice and desire to get it right.
If he never gets better, whether by choice or ineptitude (also a choice), then you have to decide if you can live with a mediocre sex life, which really means living with a husband who won't do his part to satisfy you. Obviously, sex is only one aspect of a marriage. He may be a great husband in every other way. You have to ask yourself if his good qualities make the bad ones tolerable. No one is perfect, after all. We all have our weaknesses. It's just a shame when a partner's weakness is one that could be fixed with a little bit of effort.
In the meantime, get a good vibrator and take care of business, whether alone or during sex. Everyone deserves a good orgasm or three.
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maybe she has a problem getting off. she could be concentrating too much on what he is or isnt doing. pay more attention to what youre doing. if she can get off while masturbating then try to replicate that action with him. n if you have other problems in your relationship it could affect your ability to get there too.
Another great answer, Cary. The most important thing is communication and her ability to tell him what she wants. If he isn't interested in learning...well THAT is a problem that has deeper meaning. She didn't mention that their relationship is like. Bad sex can be bad sex but after 20 years I wonder if it reflects a troubled relationship.
He says you satisfy him fully? I say, not until he satisfies you. It's not rocket science. Why isn't he willing to make the effort?
Leslie, on the OP's Husband's behalf, perhaps he IS trying. I believe the OP has many unhappy years ahead of her if she purchases a vibrator and hopes all will be well. In this case, someone will end up cheating to fulfill their sexual desires...
I'm with my boyfriend of two years and we've never had a fulfilling (from my part) sex life, but he's just so wonderful that I would never break up with him over it.
I know I would regret leaving him for something like this.
Assuming that he (once upon a time) used to satisfy her, maybe he is feeling hurt knowing that is no longer true. Perhaps he feels he is under attack and is on the defensive. Basically, she has told him he's not good enough for her anymore. That would be a big blow to anyone's ego, I would think. He may feel like everything he does is being judged and that may make him not too interested in trying very hard to please her.
I think they should consider signing up for a couples retreat or workshop to try and reconnect emotionally. That may rekindle what they once had in bed, as well.
Another option might be to visit a couples counselor or sex therapist who can give them exercises to work on at home to help them regain what they have lost in intimacy. There may be some underlying issues going on and a counselor can help them resolve those issues. He can learn all sorts of new tricks and improve his technique, but if she is showing up in bed with the wrong attitude or carrying repressed anger with her, it probably isn't going to help.
If they don't want to seek professional help, I'd suggest giving books another try. I know she said she tried that, but I wonder if she just handed a book to him and said, "Here, read this," or if they both read it and then tried to put into practice some of the ideas. It might make a difference. There is a lot of information out there that might help.
Mostly, I think this is a problem they should BOTH be dealing with. It is something they need to work on together as a couple. The responsibility for their sexual compatibility and satisfaction rests with both of them not just one or the other. If he is satisfied with the way things are, he may see this as her problem to worry about and not his. She needs to explain to him gently without accusing him of disappointing her that she wants to work TOGETHER with him to make things better between them.
Great answer, Daisy. Much better than mine, I'm not afraid to say. Well done.
Thanks, Cary.
Well, has he ever satisfied her in bed??? I wonder if these two waited until marriage to have sex. You just have to know if you are sexually compatible with someone.. cause them being an awesome person just isnt enough sometimes.
Dude you sound just like my mom.
Lol.... well then your mom has an awesomely pragmatic approach to sex. I think its important info to know whether they lost a spark or he is just boring.
having sex with only one person is like have one food for the rest of ur life. it's awesome.. caz u never tasted anything else, but it's not always the case that it's gonna be the bomb forever.. i bet if her husband had a huge dick there'd be no prob satisfying her
My husband hasn't satisfied me in almost 28 years. No intimacy, no sex, no nothing. He only cares about himself. We live like neighbors he sleeps down stairs and I have the upstairs. Communication between us is long gone. We have no kids or any where for me to go. Were in our mid 60's now and I don't expect any thing to change. I've asked him why we got married, and all he will says I ask myself the same question every morning
Married 40 plus years and really haven't been satisfied for all those years. First 10 years of marriage we maybe had sex 2 dozen times and that wasn't any great shakes. Then the next 30 years he has denied me all sex or intimacy . Nothing !! He moved all his stuff down stairs away from me. All these years we lived like apartment dewellers. Its been a terrible 40 years I've wasted my whole life . I'm in my 60's now and totaly lost all desire to change my life. I'm on a fixed income, but have good medical beneifits.