I know you're hoping I'll say what you're doing is OK, but it isn't. In fact it's pretty crappy.
If you don't love your boyfriend and you're only together for the kids, then you need to talk with him, lay out how you feel, and be ready to deal with the blowback. Cheating on him is not the way to handle this situation.
As for possible solutions: that's really up to you and your boyfriend. Maybe you can have an open relationship, maybe you need to break up and maintain joint custody. The one thing you can't do, though, is what you've been doing. Bite the bullet and tell the truth.
Good answer Dan.
Suck it up and deal with it
Fantastic answer! So simple but so true!
The reason why you're not frequently hearing from the dude you're sleeping with is probably because of everything you just mentioned... (not to say that his behavior is okay either).
Crappy start. she just did not know how: was to sit the non performing male down and tell him that she was taking a lover.
Open relationships are more common that we know because it is secret.
Choosing a good lover is what she needed instruction on.
wait... what?
Yeah, what you said! Huh???
You don't just tell someone you're taking a lover and expect them to deal with it. If it's an option for you as a couple it's something to be discussed and treated delicately, because it could really hurt him to know she feels the need to have another man.
Don’t try & justify it. Cheating is never good.., regardless of your situation with your BF. Just leave him; the children already have a crappy home life with your disconnection. I hate when people say they are staying for the kids. Why is having a mom & dad together, but not unified a better situation? Seem like you don’t want YOUR standard of living to take a nose dive. Damn…
You aren't hearing from the other guy, cuz he doesn't really like you and only wants to f**k. Its not rocket science. If a guy is not calling you, then that means he doesn't want to. I don't care how busy he claims he is or however serious his personal problem is; he would make time for you.
And if the sex is whack for you I'm sure its whack to your bf. Don't be suprised if he has something on the side too.
So true! ANY guy who likes you for you will get ahold of you SOME way every day even if it's just a few texts or a couple moments on the phone. Yeah sure maybe a good chunk of it might be to see if you're up for sex that day, but in general if a guy likes and cares enough he'd still try to talk to you no matter how busy his day or life is.
My guy is VERY busy already FT job, 2 kids, one in summer school the other goes to a day camp, after work he goes and gets them from his moms and by the time they get home its anywhere from 10-11pm generally, sometimes later and his day starts anywhere from 6-7am EVERYDAY. And to top it off he's gonna go to school and get his classes done but yet he still has time to talk to me about his day, see how I'm doing before he passes out on me. And in the morning he says sorry for passing out on me every time XD he doesn't mean to but shoot he's got full days everyday and with me in there well if he had time to fool around and lie he'd be quite the crafty one since he's been having me over more and more lately and got a tat in a specific style just because /I/ liked that style best... And shoot even when my cell phone went down the tubes and died we contacted eachother by landline (gasp old technology) and emailing.
So yes any guy you finds you worth the time will make an effort to get ahold of you.
As for your guy of 10 years, sit down with him be honest with how you feel and who knows maybe he might be having his doubts too and doesn't want to come off as "the bad guy" for bringing up a touchy subject. So get your kids out for a night somehow, or someone to come watch them while you guys go somewhere to talk. Get this out in the open! Talking about your concerns is the best thing to do, and the sooner the better. I'll admit I have had a few concerns with my current guy, but I always talk to him about it when it comes up. He knows I have a hard time with trust and some insecurities but he listens me out and answers my every question. So talk to him please if for nothing else other than for him to know how you're feeling and if you're willing to help it or come to a mutual choice of where things will go from there. Talking, as hard as it can be at times, when an issue is still at the concern stage is FAR better than to let other feelings work their way in, like resentment, and fester and become an even worse issue.
Same situation. 8 years, two kids later, we were just going through the motions. Never married. I wasn't cheating, though. It wasn't working and finally I left him. Have a great job and couldn't be happier. If you're truly happy so will your kids. We split custody and everything has worked out fine to date.