Now, now Celine Dion.
Your heart will go on, because that is what it does. Have you ever seen one of those strongman competitions on ESPN 8 or 9? Where some bald, mustachioed Hercules slips on a harness and drags a pick-up truck full of concrete behind him? That's your heart. The pick-up truck full of concrete represents your many fears. And generally, fears are like farts. They smell like death, but they are not, in fact, death.
Your heart will go on because it wants to find a sunbeam. Or a nice view of the river. A lovely cafe where macaroons are served. Your heart wants to be found.
I think, however, that your despair might be the best thing you've got going. Because it's going to motivate you to not look for love. You are right, you will never find love. Love isn't buried treasure. It's not hidden in an ark or a sarcophagus. Nor is it a shadowy ninja, ducking into the shadows as you search in vain. Love finds you. In my experience, when you least want it.
Let's talk about Cupid, the god of love. He's a myth. A creepy myth. A flying baby with a diaper and a bow and arrow and an infant's dinky. But myths are like the CliffsNotes for the human condition. Concentrated truth. They explain, simply, forces in our life that just feel way bigger than we are. What does Cupid do? The little freakshow flutters around shooting humans full of arrows that inspire love. He matches people up. The itty-bitty bugger is on the HUNT.
So, in the real world, I suggest you start becoming the best possible target you can be.
At its very nucleus, love is a force that compels you to give your words, promises, and kisses away, throw them to the wind. In return, you become a pretty, pretty kite. Kites can't fly if they are weighed down. We think love is taking, holding, keeping. That it's pennies in a piggy bank. It's not! No! Being kissed back is a pleasant byproduct of the main event -- throwing your love about everywhere you walk. Love is confetti! Rose petals! Sprays of champagne!
Give it to family. Friends, even those you want to squish with your arms. Love your hobbies, job, songs that make you breakdance with joy. Love the stars. Love it all. And fly! That bizarre, mythical half-newborn, half-pigeon is soaring around in the clouds anyway.
I can't tell you how many times in my life I've found what I was looking for by not looking for it.
I agree, but without the Celine Dion subtext, i can't help but think this is a situation so common among women (and of course men) the world over.
It can get depressing when you look around, and you see everyone with someone else. You wonder when it's your turn.
Everyone has been in that situation and they see a person they dislike, and who has someone, and you always say "how am i single when she's such a b****!?" But we forget that everyone is looking for something in someone else, and the person we are looking for hasn't found us yet!
Time will tell, but i think doing nothing and just waiting isn't a solution either, love can come in the most random ways, AND come in ways where the person was looking actively for love.
Being proactive increases your chances, it HAS to. Do the math. If i go to the store and im looking for low fat soy milk, then... i'm probably going to find it. Yet if i still walk around the store not knowing quite chat i want, i might see the low fat soy milk and say to myself, "oh yeah i needed some of that".
Love just comes. But i believe love comes to those who know what they want, or at least what they desire.
But for love to work, you need two people, so maybe you are just sad because you love people who don't love you back, but that can work both ways, maybe you just haven't noticed it.
I suppose if you don't find love right now, then there's either Ben & Jerry's to console you... or an hour on the treadmill! Whatever floats your boat!
i dont believe u i honestly believe some people just dont find that one person
I think the idea of there being 'one person' puts an undue amount of pressure on people to find them. I've said it here before, but once you let go of that idea you begin to drop a lot of the unrealistic expectations we build around the idea of 'The One'. Once that happens, you'll be amazed at the wonderful options that begin to present themselves.
I used to be very aggrieved but now I don't care very much. If you're alone, then be alone. I know only too many people, including my sibling, who married just because they didn't want to be alone. All of them are more unhappy than me now. What matters most is happiness and a sense of meaning in your life.
John is right in saying your heart will go on. In less corny terms (I hate Celine Dion!), the essential doesn't change. I can't go on, I'll go on. Beckett dealt with this in all his work. As long as you exist you will go on, in whatever way, somehow.
Even if you don't find someone I suppose it doesn't matter. Why bother? In fact, I think wanting to be alone can be productive. I mean, I know, too, that I have weird traits; I'm not sure I want the pressure of having subjected someone to them. Much happier as I am.
You need to stop the madness . First of all, who the hell says that all there is in life is finding a man? What about dreams and aspirations? Think of all the wonderful things you can do because you are free. You can travel the world, volunteer your time to someone who needs it, learn a new skill, go to school, make something of yourself. At the end of the day, a man can still leave you. So its best to build a strong foundation for the rest of your life... Life is too short to be spent boohooing about not having a man.
Amen, soul sister!
Be happy yourself first. The man of your dreams may or may not be around the corner, but that shouldn't affect YOUR life now!!!
Honestly, think about it. If you don't even like yourself, how the hell do you expect some man to?!
Get out. Live your life. Discover what you love. Finding your other half should be the icing on the cake, not the whole dessert.
I understand the be happy while single, and there is more to life than men, talk....but ladies lets be real. We ALL (men and women) want to find that special someone who accepts us and loves us for who we are on the inside. Someone we can count on in good times and bad, and can support us. Yes I know there are friends and family to lean on and be our support system. But there is a certain freedom and joy that is found when you have emotional and physical intimacy with your significant other. There's a reason, why year after year there are countless movies, books, and songs written about finding that perfect someone. Love is the universal equalizer we all want it at some point or another.
Like JDV said, your heart will go on. (I love Celine Dion) That's life, you will meet someone else and you will find love again, as long as you open up to it.
THAT. WAS. BEAUTIFUL. Reformed player.....you give me hope. the girl who wrote that question to you must have been spying on my life for the past 4 years....MY HEART WILL GO ON!!!!!!!!!!!!
@ rxy, I wouldn't compare finding love with finding soy milk @ the grocery store. Maybe if you were looking for a boyfriend or a boytoy then I would get the soy milk comparison but I think love is something that happens, not something you find.
I agree that your heart will go on. Everyone has gone through this mind set of not ever being able to find 'that special someone'. But the reformed player is right, your heart will go on. DON'T GIVE UP ON LOVE. It is worth all of the risks that it intails, all of the pain that can come from finding it. Love yourself and others will love you too. Give love and you will received love. Don't give up meeting people and don't decide that you are going to be single for the rest of your life. Not to get corny but that is what keeps me going. best wishes.
Wow. This question could have been asked by me a few days ago when I was sleep-deprived and PMSy! And it wouldn't have been the first (or last) time I'd gone through that miserable internal dialog. (And it's really nice to hear that I'm so not the only one who sheds tears and loses sleep over this question). Good answer from JDV too!
I've heard the whole "your time will come", "you find love when you're not looking", and "there's someone out there for you" schtick SO many times that I've lost count. But rarely does anyone remember to add the truth that whatever you put out there in the universe comes back to you. Love especially.
I recently discovered just how true this is. Last year, at tragically single and 35, I discovered cricket. Yes, cricket. Long story short, I am now the official scorekeeper for a local club cricket team. I am hopelessly devoted to them. I do a job none of them want to do which frees them up to play, I help take care of the club house, cheer them on, occasionally feed them, give the guys someone to talk to and teach about the sport they are so passionate about. And the guys all appreciate me a whole big fat bunch. And it dawned on me that these, from my actions to their appreciation, are all things I want to have in a relationship. There are 11 men on each side in a cricket match and on most days I'm the only woman for miles. 22 to 1 is good odds. Granted, 98% of them are married, but they have noticed the caring person I am and several of them (and their wives) have started talking me up to friends & co-workers and inviting me to small social events to meet people. No rings on my finger yet, but I have this solid feeling like I've struck gold in the "how to find a guy" game.
Anyhow, I wanted to share this story as an example of what I think JDV was talking about in his answer. Thought it might be helpful. And getting out there and finding a sports team or enthusiasts club full of guys to support is, imho, a lot more fun than trolling through bars. Plus you get to show them you're all of the things that I personally think men REALLY look for in a woman: someone caring, supportive, loyal, positive, capable, etc.
Now all I have to learn, and I'm sure I'm not alone, is PATIENCE.
Hope that helps.
Wow, what a beautiful and encouraging story, Phrygiana. I wish you all the best.
I guess I am an odd bird here, but to me, love is a choice, not something you seek/find, definitely not some vat of goo you fall into, and really has nothing to do with creepy, flying cherubs. It's a choice you make every day of your life.
When we are little girls playing with Barbie or dress-up or house in that silly little plastic kitchen, we begin to dream about our future life that includes romantic love. We create expectations based on those dreams that someday they will come true, and become disillusioned and depressed when they don't follow the path we believe they should take. But those dreams were formulated by young imaginations that had no clue how big the world really is. I wonder how many women are still holding tightly onto those little girl dreams, when in reality, they should be put to rest and replaced with big girl dreams.
In echoing the fabulous wisdom already shared in this thread - get out and find your passions, reformulate those dreams, and chose to love yourself - it's the best gift you could give your future man.
I hate to be cliche and corny here, but quit looking for love...because your obviously looking in the wrong places. Be patient and it will find you. Keep putting yourself out there and eventually that someone special is going to notice you.
OMG!!! LOL - It is 10 pm at night and I am rolling in my bed!! LOL Thank you for putting such a humerous perspective out there!! I will never think of Cupid the same again!
I LOVE IT!! You are so right - when you least expect it. When you give up and just live....there it is!!
To all of us out there waiting....keep this post favorited!! It will get you through the worst of times!!
Thanks Reformed Player!! Good Luck wherever you are going next!
OMG!!! LOL - It is 10 pm at night and I am rolling in my bed!! LOL Thank you for putting such a humorous perspective out there!! I will never think of Cupid the same again!
I LOVE IT!! You are so right - when you least expect it. When you give up and just live....there it is!!
To all of us out there waiting....keep this post favorited!! It will get you through the worst of times!!
Thanks Reformed Player!! Good Luck wherever you are going next!
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A LOT of men out there are jerks. Just be thankful you're single and not anchored to one of them.
I used to be idealistic hoping to meet a good guy, but I've given up. There are very few good guys out there. Most of them are just jerks who will break your heart anyway.