This question speaks to what I think is an across the board sentiment: As much as getting dumped sucks, usually dumping someone sucks more. Not always, but the stress and guilt of rejecting someone often feels more vile than being the recipient of a relationship pink slip.
I know your specific issue is different, you were never even together, but still, it's that awkward stress of disappointing someone over and over again.
It's like witnessing a puppy crying and scratching at the door trying to get back into the house. It's icky. My advice: keep your boundaries clear. Don't give her mixed messages or vague gestures that she can interpret in ways she wants to (spooning, holding hands, mud wrestling etc.). Tell her that you care for her deeply as a friend, but the romance side of things isn't something you want/will want. She might not be able to transition straight back into dude and dudette friendship right away. Your friendship might be on hold while she flushes out the lust vibe for you. In other words, maybe you need a bit of break from one another. Being a good friend is giving her time to do that.
As long as you are clear with your communication and allow her some space, you are doing the right thing. If you adhere to all that and you're still just too damn fly and awesome for her -- that's on her, not you.
I am currently in this situation and I must warn you that after you tell her to back off, she may not go back to being your friend.
When you reject someone that was once a friend, it is impossible to go back to the way it was. There will always be that gnawing feeling in the back of your head (and her head) when you see one another. With time the feeling lessens but it is still there.
Amazing friend....hmmm. Interesting choice of words. Something I have often thought when reading BFFs replies and posts is that there is a fine line between a male BFF and a c***t tease (and I know girls are often guilty of this as well). Guy acts all touchy feely and sensitive with his female friend and is then outraged when the girl wants more than friendship. This girl has interpreted your 'amazing' friendship as potential romance. You don't feel the same way. Sounds like YOU need to leave the poor girl alone, not the other way around. As Amit says, cool down the friendship for a while.
This is most definetly true. Betty, you are one smart cookie. I would suggest that you initiate the conversation with this girl and set clear boundries that you both agree on. As long as you are both on the same page as to where your relationship stands, and YOU are not giving mixed signals, then everything should work itself out. Pay close attention to the things you do and say to her just to make sure that she will not interpret it the wrong way. You might be giving off the wrong signals without even realizing it. Good Luck
I think you should make sure you don’t leave a window open for her either. I mean don’t give a “reason” that she doesn’t do it for you: She may try to change herself into that girl. I think a clear, “I truly appreciate your interest, but I will only thin0k of you are a friend.” Good luck with it…
Though I think this is just a case of an enthusiastic girl who's having a hard time accepting rejection, I understand Betty's point. You may be still emitting flirty signs and give her the false hope that she may have a chance. I have a guy friend who's so flirty (always hugging me, poking my waist, joking about us dating, saying he loves me, etc) but I have enough insight to understand it's all friendly and he just likes the no-strings-attached flirting. He's handsome and I too enjoy the attention, but I'm not interested in a relationship either, so it works. If you're sending out similar signs, reduce your flirtatiousness and she should lay off too.
How exactly is she trying to get you to like her? There's the possibility that she's just naturally enthusiastic or flirty. Then again, you know her better than I do, so that's for you to decode. All I know, is that I've been in a similar situation where a dude friend keeps interpreting my actions as just that. Maybe I come across that way but I'm not. Yeah, there's still that lingering lust, but I understand the word "no." I also know I cant make anyone like me. And if it happens again, I'm ready to tell him to get his head out of his ass and get over himself.
I think Anon makes a great point, some people are just naturally enthusiastic, flirty, outgoing-she may not be comming onto you, it could just be who she is. I get this more often then I'd like too. There is a man I'm really attracted to, I had no intention of telling him-I'm too shy, someone else did & it was awkward for a while (& still is sometimes), but I'm just a very naturally open, warm hearted person, and I really hope that doesn't get misinturpited by him either
How could he have dumped her if they "were never even together" ? Sounds like this guy thinks he's ALL THAT but he's not. She's probably just a decent chick who believes in good people and doesn't want to think he's an a**.
It appears you need to revamp your reading comprehension skills. Luckily for you, there should be a 4th grade textbook within a few miles. Of course, by definition, if you need this help, you may not be able to decipher what I've even said here. . .
Have a relationship like that now, he gives off signals he wants more then pulls back when I show interest, I keep being a good friend but it is getting very hard to do, this has been going on for about 8 months now, I have fallen for him now I am at loss of what to do? So I feel your pain, but at least he tells you he doesn't feel that way, good for him! My guy doesn't do that, if he would just tell me, I would leave him alone to get him out of my system, but he talks the other way, he is a committment phobe and in his late 40's..hmm what to do? He talks of settling down etc, etc. we are still just friends & no benefits in this relationship right now!