What do you mean "what do you do?" You already did it. Done. You broke up with him. Don't answer his calls. Instead, use your telephonic communication device to order a pizza. Then don't think about him. I know, easier said than done. But here's a game: replace his name with a word that is negative and unattractive. For instance, if his name is "Frank," don't think "I wonder what Frank is doing?" Think, "I wonder what war crimes is doing?" Or "I wonder what rectal vomit is doing?" See? Simple. It's psychological-ish.
Segue!
Why would you be jealous if the jackass crawls back to his ex? That's her problem, not yours. That's a really adolescent manipulation move. Boring. Let him haunt this poor woman. You have your self-respect, personal happiness, oh yeah, and your son to worry about.
Dump him with extreme prejudice. Block his number. Change your locks. Delete all the pictures you have of him on your computer. Dig a moat around your heart and fill it with rattlesnakes. Get a babysitter. Go out with friends. Drink grog and make merry. Enjoy a cartoon movie with your love critter sans psychopath. Continue not to talk to him.
You might not know it, but you grew a spine when you broke up with him. Have faith in your instinct and celebrate your decision to kick him out of your life. Congratulations. Now is no time to go all wobbly: the two of you aren't dating anymore. So that's that. Good luck with your next bro-friend. From what little you've told me, he's not worth your time, or your sons time. Cut your loses. Please.
Relationships have two sides, like grilled cheese sandwiches. He has a perspective, too. There are reasons other than him being pure evil for his pulling a switcheroo from nice guy to jerk. For instance, his mother could not have breast fed him, or breast fed him too much. Once upon a time, he might have been a real prince. In the future, he could end up running a sustainable farm that supplies food for third world refugee camps. Who is to say? He is not part of your story anymore. If he wants to write me for advice, I will give it to him.
But this advice is for you, since you had the preternatural wisdom to write into me here at Guyspeak.
You dumped him. Good. Keep him dumped.
Great advice! If you need to, get a restraining order while your at it. This guy sounds like a creep. Better to get out of this sooner than later. From the sounds of it, it was bound to get worse. If he's controlling and being mean to your son, it sounds like he's jealous and wants all of your attention for himself. I could be projecting here, but my mother was in a relationship like this, and it didn't end well. Please, for your sake and your son's sake, do not take this man, or little boy rather, back. I know being a single parent has to be tough, but you're much better off on your own than with someone like this. You deserve a man who has an abundance of love to give to you and your child, not someone who is so bereft of love that he needs sap you dry. The best way to bring that man into your life is to start loving yourself, and by getting rid of this turd, you've already taken a step in that direction. Be confident in your decision! I'm sure it took a lot of courage, and I'm sure your son is breathing out a huge sigh of relief. You're a good mom! Good luck!
I agree, it would have gotten worse. Everything mentioned about the charming to controlling behavior change are the text book beginnings of an abusive relationship. Maybe it wouldn't have gotten physical, but there are other forms of abuse. And you said a keyword, control. He was trying to control through threats and manipulation, that's not something you do when you love someone. You did a good thing breaking up with him, now do the best thing and stay away.
"trying to make me jealous by threatening to sleep with his ex if I left him"
So ... he's going to show you how much he cares by bumping uglies with someone else. Yeah... nice.
Kerri and John D. speak the truth here.
Being mean to your son is reason enough to stay far far away. Don't make your kid suffer for your indecision about your relationship with this king of douches. You don't deserve to be treated badly either, but you have a choice. Your son doesn't.
PLAYER- This is the best articulated, and most accurate, response from anyone, on anysite, anywhere.
Great to give solid advice with sassy humor. I dig it. Rock on.
; )
Again, this guy is a real runner up to domestic violence. Do yourself a favor, don't go back to him. What he's doing isn't love, it's manipulation. The reason he started out that way was because he was trying to get you on his good side. Then he slowly warped into a monster. I bet he's blaming his changed behavior on you. That's a sociopath. Look up signs of domestic violence and abuse. I bet this guy would fit the bill.
"He is not part of your story anymore". Possibly the most succinct and axiomatic relational description I have read in an advice column for some time, Mr De Vore. Today is the first time I have visited this site and I am already impressed by the quality of the guys' advices and ensuing comments.
There are so many women out there, who even after their significant other shows abusive behavior toward their children, that decide to stay with the wrong-doers (case in point, my mother, but I digress...).
Leaving this man because he is mean to your son is a good enough reason, but the other things you have listed are reason enough to stay FAR, FAR away from this freakazoid.
First of all, being "mean to your son" is a definite red flag and a big huge no-no! "You have a divine animal right to protect your own life and the life of your offspring"
AND
being charming isn't an emotion or feeling it is a verb which means he has to consciously be charming to you....aka manipulate you into thinking he is nice, kind, loving etc
AND
"slowly becoming controlling" HELLO! red flag on abuser!!! that is how most of them start!
believe it or don't, it's up to you but keep in mind what your son experiences will soon be what he portrays
"You have a divine animal right to protect your own life and the life of your offspring" - I love this! :)
Stay away! FAR FAR AWAY! The fact that he was mean to your kid is reason enough. Do not put your kid thru that non-sense. Even if you're considering the fact that "may have reformed". Look at your son and KNOW FOR A FACT HE HAS NOT! Anyone low enough to be mean to a child, isn't worth anyones time. Let this vile rot! Children learn by example, even if his dad isn't involved, he will learn from YOU. If you allow someone to treat you so badly, and your son so badly; all he'll learn is to treat people badly. You owe it to him, to show how someone stands up to such non-sense, When he grows into a respectable young man, who treats his partners with respect, you will know this was the right decision. GOOD LUCK!
Everyone has pretty much said all that I wanted to say. I would add, that going to a support group could be helpful... as AfroAmber wrote, it sounds like "the text-book beginnings of an abusive relationship" ... if he tries to contact you, definitely seek out a women's group or some sort of local resource for domestic violence etc, because while it may not have reached that point, you will have a lot in common with other woman and will have support in case you feel like you should go back to him at a later date when he starts being uber sweet to you & your son. Or join a group online, and look up information about abusers/patterns of behavior. You don't want to aggravate the situation. This guy is bad, bad, bad news.
Best freaking advice ever. I wouldn't normally laugh over this, but it started with a howl and has a perfect ending. ^5
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I agree
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