I am gonna run this one. Not because I got words of wisdom, I don't - or not many - but as a cautionary tale and to show the readers that others have bad sh*t happen for no reason to them too.
Most definitely not jealous.
Lets talk about HPV. Some of this you know, some you might not.
You did everything you possibly could to minimise the risk. With one in six young adults in the USA carrying HPV, you are playing Russian roulette each time you have a new partner. This time the chamber was loaded. When I say this time, it could be any of your partners. HPV can be symptomless for years, sometimes (more often in guys) forever.
70 to 90% or infected people get rid of the virus completely within a couple of years. The better your immune system, the higher the chance, so think about eating right and taking suppliments.
Being vaccinated cuts the chances of cervical cancer down to just above the baseline rate and improves your chances of killing off the infection. Not all HPV strains are equal and the confirmed cancer causing ones tend to be the hardest for your immune system to shift. Cold comfort, but some.
Now, the boyfriend thing.
The time of year doesn't matter. Telling him would be hard regardless. The fact that it is Christmas is just adding an extra layer of stress and guilt onto yourself for no rational reason. Something you neither need nor deserve. So cut that out. If you slipped out to have an orgy with the entire football team, that is one thing. Drawing the short straw by accident is completely different.
Like I said in the intro, bad things happen to good people for no reason.
If you have been practicing safe sex with him, chances are decent - not perfect - that he is still clear.
Hopefully he is really awesome indeed.
As to how to approach it, honestly, I don't know. I'd say sit him down and talk to him, but I have no idea how open your relationship is.
Good luck.
There are over 30 types of HPV you can get vaccinated for only five. You may only have an annoying kind of HPV that by the time you're 30 you don't have anymore. If you're doctor is giving you a biopsy then you can freak out and tell your bf he might give his next partner cancer, but really if he's under 25 he can get a vaccine too.
Great answer MM but a bit disappointed you didn't address the fact she'd been raped or at least show a little sympathy. Yes, yes I know that's not your style but still. It's like the proverbial elephant in the room. You didn't have to dwell on it just something along the lines of "bad things happen to good people for no reason, including rape (sorry you had to go through that) and contracting HPV". Everything else you wrote was golden though!
Yeah - it is one of those things that is an awkward problem for all of us.
If a lady is talking specifically about rape, that is one thing. If it gets mentioned in passing as a simple piece of information, as here, I start to wonder if mentioning it will damage any peace she has achieved. Some of the other guys feel the same.
Ain't my place to disturb someones peace of mind or acceptance of something that she has handled, especially under this new load of stress.
In this case, I actually had a line or two mentioning her rape but removed it before the question went live. Rightly? Wrongly? The downside of this position is who can tell - it's a judgement call.
She knows she has my sympathy - or I hope so.
also want to add to this beautifully written answer, having HPV doesn't mean you have or will have cervical cancer. cervical cancer is the slowest progressing of women's reproductive cancers, and is also the most curable and treatable so long as you take care of yourself. it takes about 5-7 years, sometimes as long as 10, to progress to a point where metastasis (spreading and terminal stages) to occur. mind you again, yes, it depends on the strain, but....in all likelihood, your life will not change much more than the average woman's, but you really do have to stay on top of those annual physicals. but honestly, that's pretty much it for MOST women that have HPV. the chances of you having cervical cancer right now if you just found out you have HPV is less than 1%, and even if you do, a very easy surgery will treat it, one where you will be home the same day. there are four levels of cellular changes that need to occur before it reaches the stages of cancer, or even a stage where doctors will treat it, and each stage takes several years to develop. if you and your doctors are on top of it, honestly you have nothing to worry about. it is more than anything just another pain in the butt thing that you have to deal with yes, but not in the life altering way that the shocking news seems to you right now. how do i know? i was pre-med once so i say this as a scientist, and i also got HPV when my ex husband cheated on me. i still have to have biopsies twice a year, but that is precautionary and i am no longer carrying the virus. and those don't sound nearly as scary as they are, they are slightly advanced physicals, in and out within the hour and after the last one i went to my sister's wedding the same day no joke. really and truly, i am not trying to minimize it, but hoping to make you feel a little bit better about it. it is not the big deal it sounds like. it is a big enough deal that you need to stay on top of it, but not having seen your test results, my guess is, the odds are in your favor, you likely have nothing to worry about. and over the years i have seen multiple specialists and had them walk me through this line by line and every single one of them has told me the exact same thing. i dont normally do this, but if you need someone who's walked this walk to talk to, my email is my id here, @gmail.com (and sidebar this is a serious issue so if anyone sees that and tries to spam me crap or garbage i will hunt you down and curse a plague on your house, just needed to say that) good luck, take care of you, feel better!!!
Hey guys! OP here. You can't possibly know how much your kindness has helped. Its been a tough couple of days, but hearing all of your support and knowledge has really made a difference.
I talked to my bf on the phone last night (we're kind of a long distance deal) and it actually went as well as it could have. He actually was a lot more knowledgeable than I was on the whole thing and said that while it wasn't a good thing, he knew that it was a risk he had taken in deciding to be with me (or anyone for that matter... he was a virgin before we started dating) and he had sort of come to terms with that possibility. He obviously wishes for both our sakes that it hadn't worked out like this but we both recognize that a majority of people have hpv at some point in their lives. I guess I expected him to freak out or make me feel bad and he didn't. Guess he can keep the awesome status after all.
As for mentioning my rape, I felt the need to mention it because I needed to remind myself that this ISN'T my fault. I am not a very promiscuous person, and I have tried my best to stay safe and protected. I have come to terms with my rape in many ways, I hope everyone who has been a survivor of something like that can come out the other side as whole and sane as I have.
chrissie1101-- thank you so so much for your care and support. You told me a lot more than my doctor did (she said to not even tell my bf!) I did have a biopsy so I'll find out by mid January if I have anything bigger to worry about than just a benign hpv infection. Thank you again.
Yep - Your guy is awesome.
You are pretty amazing yourself.
haha thanks! And you've got a tough job and you do it well. So I guess we've all got things to feel good about in the midst of bad situations.
*or difficult situations
Make sure you grab Chrissie's email and save it. I'll be wanting to edit it out in a day or so - she doesn't need spammers.
thank you! no i don't that is for sure, worth the momentary risk tho if it turns useful.
you are so welcome. i am swamped with deadlines, the flu, and santa duties and almost didn't swing by here with my coffee this morning but something made me think twice. drop me a line any time if you have questions. dr's aren't good at that unless you get point blank with them. i went in to one appt with two pages of questions and my (now former) dr actually told me he didn't have time for ALL of my questions and i would have to book another appt. so i stuffed my papers back in my purse and said fine then, how about just one. do i have time to see my son graduate? because, i really didn't know the realities of much of this either, it's common sense to doctors that this is "not that bad" but they really don't get that that's not enough information for us. whatever you do, do not stress about it. i know, easier said than done, but stress wreaks havoc on the immune system and that's the last thing you need. here's my philosophy on waiting for test results, to me, the worst part of any of this. if you haven't heard anything within the first week of having the test, you probably don't have a lot to worry about. not saying it's not going to be a perfect run to try and get your hopes up, but if they needed to be booking you for advanced treatment or surgery you usually hear within 72 hrs, at least in my area. most important thing is to keep your spirits up, i am a huge believer in positive attitudes making for a healthy difference. the silver lining here is you just realized albeit through unfortunate circumstances, how awesome your boyfriend is. do take care of you and have a wonderful christmas, and keep us posted!!