You instinct to run from this guy is entirely appropriate. You want nothing to do with a guy that beat a woman in the street.
I recommend calling him, right now, and telling him that you need to cancel your plans. And that you don't think you should see him again. If he asks why, you can tell him why.
Give him a quick, clear, honest message that you will not go out with him now or ever. Leave no question in his mind. He is a bad man with a bad temper and he can't be in your life. The clearer you are about that, the better it will be.
Good luck, and thank heavens for Google.
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I agree. No next date.
You found all that out on a google search your very good I can neve find information I'm looking for on people...
You found all that on google every time I do a search I can't find anything on people
Did you actually confirm the search result was him and not someone with the same name? I periodically google myself, and as of late, I've seen arrest records of three different individuals with my name, including one violent arrest. Location information is given, but no pictures or even ages for two of them. Google my name you'll come up with a murder convict and two drug dealers. I've no doubt these are real people who happen to share names, but without pics, a searcher probably would jump to the conclusion they are all me.
According to google, I've also been nominated in the past for a Nobel, and died three times.
OP here.
Yes, It was his mugshot picture in the article & was a credible news website. I took the information & went to other source to confirm it was him. (A police officer friend of mine.)
I had been thinking this same thing. Never Googled myself though - I don't wanna find the relics of a silly internet-loving child! :P
OP, please take whatever precautions you need to be safe.
there's no law that you need to tell him in person or even call him. as much as that would be a nice thing to do etiquette wise, your instincts are telling you to run and polite goes out the window as far as i am concerned once a woman is beaten to near death and left in the street. a simple text, you don't even need tell him why, "sorry, something came up cant make it." if he asks what just say "your arrest record". but you don't need to be 100% honest with him. cut your losses and run asap.
I have an idea on how you can ask him about his past. Go on a date in a public place, like a resturaunt. Have 3-5 of your friends sit in a table close by so if you need help or backup if he starts getting angry. But don't just flat out say that you googled him and you know that he beat a lady. But start off the sentence in a way like: "So, what's the craziest thing you've ever done" or "Have you ever been locked up" but say it in a jokingly way. I really hope this helps!!! :)
I have an idea on how you can ask him about his past. Go on a date in a public place, like a resturaunt. Have 3-5 of your friends sit in a table close by so if you need help or backup if he starts getting angry. But don't just flat out say that you googled him and you know that he beat a lady. But start off the sentence in a way like: "So, what's the craziest thing you've ever done" or "Have you ever been locked up" but say it in a jokingly way. I really hope this helps!!! :)
As a Police Officer who has dealt with similar situations in the past I suggest asking him about it. The above post saying you could go somewhere public where friends can be nearby is a great idea. If you like the guy, and he has shown no violent or anger related tendencies so far, then I suggest treating the guy with some modicum of respect. Good people do bad things and bad people do good things, I have met many people (arrested, even) who turned out to be amazing human beings, full of love, empathy, and compassion for others who just lost it for ten minutes of their life. Some had lost loved ones, one man I will always remember had just been left by his wife who took his kids and emptied their house while he was on a work trip (before people say a thing, he was not violent at all, I arrested him for robbery and he had no history or violence or domestic abuse, still doesn't) But ya, she left him and moved in with a man she had been sleeping around with for several years, one of his children was apparently the other man's. He went nuts and robbed a store, for what? 2L bottle of coke and a shelf of beef jerky. Made no sense whatsoever, but that is how the human mind works when faced with chock or trauma. At least hear this guy out, if he experienced some kind of profound pain which resulted in him doing a violent act I am sure he is very worried about how people will think of him now. Any abandonment and mistreatment will not help. Having been through the ringer several times in my life, and having had dealt with all kinds of people through my job, I can tell you right now that you will do him, and yourself, a great disservice to dismiss and push away those who have lived a rough life in their past.
I think that would be great advice but for the fact that he beat up a woman. That's sort of the line in the sand for me.
I am not saying he is definitely a great guy, or that hitting another person is an acceptable behaviour. What I am saying is that there is zero context. Maybe he had a friend who had been killed by an unsafe driver, and the woman he attacked cut him off at a very dangerous intersection. Or, maybe he is just an evil human being. Why not give someone the chance to prove who they are now, not who they were years before. In my mind I take gender out of it, is it more acceptable to beat a man? I do not think so, unless you ascribe to the concept that women are weaker then men, which I do not. I have seen more abusive women than men in my line of work. Both genders are capable of assaulting their gender and the other, let's move away from that archaic concept of: Abusing a man =/= Abusing a woman.
Cool advice, I say. Which is why confronting him, as MM said, is the best way to go.
Dropping him like a hot potato or without even talking wouldn't make the situation any better. It's best he knows the reason why. Because if he doesn't, and if he has the tendency to do the same thing to another woman, chances are he'd just go around and look for someone else. Letting him know you know means he can't get away from what he did in his past if he has no inclination or whatsoever to be reformed.
You make the calls. This is your life and you have every right to protect yourself.
If one was to look up my name they would find a convicted murderer. That does not mean that I AM a convicted murderer. Not talking about it seems silly, but there are crazies out there and I guess sometimes you just have to go with your gut feeling,
You shouldn't have googled in the first place. Perhaps in the four years since he's reformed but because of one article you're reading, you're assuming he's stayed the same.
Next time, I'd say avoid googling because it only gives you a skewed perspective. Get to know him, trust your gut, and then you'll find out the whole story. We've all done stuff in our past that we regret and I'm not condoning what this guy did, but we shouldn't be held for those misdeeds for the rest of our lives.
Allow there to be some mystery.
My story? Two guys in less than 6 months. One of them turned out to run a scam with his dad, internationally. The other just so happened to have 10+ charges for drug dealing (and not just marijuana, I'm talking weird "I didn't even know people got high on that" stuff). Before Google, I thought the most I had to worry about was one being getting carried away with what I knew were scientifically B.S. arguments and the other being a bit too "normal."
If you're wondering, yes I know it was them because there were pictures in the news articles.
I say this deserves a whole blog post. How much can you find out about potential love interests online? How much should it affect what you think of them? How much will it actually affect your relationship with them? I know some here are all about the second chances, but we all have limits on what we can forgive or not. Some things you think won't bother you until they do.
OP here.
The woman was driving down the interstate, exited because a car was following to close. She felt scare & tried to get to a public place. He cut her off, pulled her out of her car, beat her, kicked her & broke her arm & leg in the process. (He was sentence to 8 yrs/did 3.) While waiting for his trail, he was arrested again for battery on his stepson & interfering with a 911 call. He was also arrested for domestic battery against a spouse on another occasion. He was reprimanded at work for aggressive behavior toward a coworker. All the information was confirmed by my police friend & was not on the internet.
Thank you Mystery Man for your advice. Shame on those of you, who remotely suggested I take a chance & put myself in potential harm’s way. There is no excuse for violence. EVER!!! It was NEVER a question “do I go out with him” again; it was a “how do I handle it” situation question.
I was not suggesting you date him. Just ask him "Why?" in as safe a way as possible. I do not believe a relationship with that man would be a good idea, but showing some amount of respect is a good idea, if only to protect yourself if he loses his temper once you stop calling. If he is truly that unstable I suggest appeasement over ditching. Just call him and explain that you are uncomfortable with it, something to keep a feeling of abandonment out of the equation. If he is that unstable then abandonment could lead to problems, if he is truly reformed then abandonment might push him back towards his old behaviours. Rage is almost like a drug addiction, takes constant control and amazing discipline to contain.
As a side note 'random acts of violence' do not exist. There is always a reason or motive behind something, especially in a situation where the man in question would follow a car for that distance. Not saying she deserved it, or that is was warranted, but something set the guy off. Empathy is a skill which I hope more people work on. I deal with people like this every day of my life either as a Police Officer or as a Counselor for anger management. Most of these people are not devils, most do not have black souls, it usually comes down to mental issues or they were beaten and abused as children. This world is nowhere near black and white.
You stole his information, raped him of opportunity to tell you his side and then make out like he's a monster ? I think you were googling hoping for problems, what a biatch.
Are you for real?!? WTF is that raped him of opportunity..., blah blah blah BS? Maybe she will give you the guy's number & you can date him. She said she didn't want to go out with him & wanted to know how to handle it. The end!
Sheez..., what are you, in high school or something?
Don't take a chance to even tell him you know, you could end up being the one he stalks and gets too carried away with!
Just end it. Change your phone number, if he knows it.
I've been with an abusive partner, and you don't know what they are capable of! Thank God I got out when I did, and he was still trying to control me after I left!
Not trying to scare you, but ask your police friend if its going too far to change your number. He can do a reverse 411 with your number and get your address!
Being safe is your #1 priority.