Whoever said "we must learn from history or we are doomed to repeat it" never had a girlfriend, because I swear to all that is holy women have been asking their men if they look fat FOREVER, and there's STILL no right answer.
When primitive man stalked the plains, women asked their mates if standing upright made their boobs look weird. Adam had to constantly reassure Eve that her fig leaves hid just the right amount of labia. And at the big bang...well, we were all compressed into an atomic singularity, but I'm sure the female portion was all standoffish about her electron cloud or something.
Odds are, your boyfriend is hot for you. Yes, there are any number of reasons we will keep humping things we're not hot for (guilt, indecision, twenty minutes to kill), but I'd give you more than even odds that if he says it, he means it.
And even if he doesn't, what's he going to say? No one is as stupid as you are attempting to entrap him into being. The only possible outcome of asking him about your various parts is to have him say they're all sexy and for you to somehow feel bad about that.
Either start feeling good about it or do both of you a favor and stop asking, because eventually, he'll get fed up enough to say "yeah, you're snaggletoothed, enormous and foul smelling. That's why I'm dating you." And guess what? He won't mean that either.
External sources can't bring lasting happiness (except drugs; those never get old). It's time to look deep within yourself, decide whether you like your body, and go from there. If you do, then own it. If you don't, then fix it. If it's not fixable, then come to terms with it, because honestly, no one is pleased with their bodies. We know them all too well. You think Brad Pitt isn't ashamed of some tiny ingrown hair only he knows exists? I mean until I just mentioned it? Sorry Brad, I know that was our secret. Hope we're still on for taquitos and wrestling tomorrow.
It seems to me that what you're looking for is some kind of reassurance that your boyfriend loves you, and you're not going to get that by asking. No answer he gives will ever satisfy, because you're smart enough to realize why they could all easily be bullshit. In the end, that kind of confidence needs to come from within you, and when you manage that trick, your attractiveness index shoots up like thirty points. And the scale's only out of eighteen!
So stop asking for a while. One day, when he turns to you, puts your hand in his, leans in and whispers how beautiful you are...THEN he means it. And you can feel good about it, knowing it came spontaneously and it can be trusted.
Unless you haven't had sex in a while; then he might just be making an awkward segue.
Ha... this line had me laughing out loud! "Adam had to constantly reassure Eve that her fig leaves hid just the right amount of labia."
Guys who go on about their other half's awesome body usually back it up with presents that support the assets he worships. So if he never buys you hot outfits then he's kissing your not-so-perfect-(in-his-eyes)-ass. If he argues that he's just not that good at buying you things...hand him a magazine, your measurements on a card and for the really challenge ones, ear-mark the pages of the mag so he knows the styles you like. If the next present is a cozy bulky sweater....take ol yeller out to the back road.
My girlfriend does the same thing, even after countless reassurances from me and the guitarist from Children of Bodom, her favorite band, inviting her onto their tour bus. Even after the first time we had sex (which I'm pretty sure made it even more clear that I was hot for her, seeing how quickly it was over) she continued to ask. I'ma go ahead and blame this one on society and all that.
Swaim, if you ever have any children, I hope I'm one of them.
great to know guys' point of view on this matter. I am a female. and our physical insecurities makes us want more complements. this is why we ask guys what they think how we look. simply looking for complements. Obviously we don't get them enough unless we start with this negative questions. . . how do I look?, Are my legs too thin? , I gained weight, blahblah. Guys, try out of the blue telling your girls they look HOT without waiting for a question you might feel obligated to say something nice. And THE METALHEAD, omg having sex with a girl doesn't translate to "you think she is hot", it translates to "you needed or wanted sex". All women are not created equal, some have real issues about their body, they need to work on self esteem, no guy wants to hear about your flaws . . Talk to him about how great your female parts are and you'll never have to bored the poor guy with your flaws.
BENIE: While I agree that just having sex with someone doesn't necessarily indicate attraction, we did not just have sex, we made love. Maybe you're used to porn-style screwing, where the guy just pumps away till he's finished and not much else goes on, but that's not what went on for us.
I had a conversation with my mom about this recently. She said that I just shouldn't even ask anymore because no matter what he says, the insecurity isn't going to be assuaged by him. It has to come from within yourself no matter how seventh-heaveny that sounds. Benie is right that a compliment out of the blue every once in a while is pure gold. We won't ask if we don't have to. WE CAN'T READ MINDS. Yes, we know its annoying, I annoy myself asking about it, but there's a LOT of things thrown at us that make us insecure. You guys being mainly visual creatures doesn't help either. SEX DOES NOT TRANSLATE TO ATTRACTION NO MATTER WHAT! I wonder what being a guy is like.
I made this conversation easy on my boyfriend. its basically I believe HE thinks i'm beautiful... i'm just not inclined to feel the same way
I'm gonna let you in on a secret that I've noticed only about .000003% of women have passed down through the generations.....we're women, we have boobs and vaginas. Even if they're slightly not symmetrical, makes no difference. Men don't have them, but they really want to be around them. If your boyfriend could remove yours and put them on himself, he'd be the one eyed man in the land of the blind. Instead of worrying about what slight difference you have from like Megan Fox, utilize that shit. Get what you want. If I wanted a new dress, I could walk up to my fiancee topless, and as long asI was jogging in place, I could get a $2 million dollar dress. Just sayin.
I like grilled cheese is right.
If this man is actually a good man and not an asshole and he has half a brain he will never ever say anything bad about your body. They know that closes the vagina gate.
Sweetie, you won't find it with him. It's all within you. You have to find that beauty and feel good about it.
My bf has found like the perfect balance. He acknowledges that my body isn't perfect and if I choose to try and improve it he's completely supportive and will work out with me, but he has also made it clear that he's totally happy with it as it is. As long as my health isn't in danger, he's willing to deal with a little extra (I'm only a size 11, but know that I could be smaller if I tried at it) in order to have the boobs and butt that I have. I think this was the best way he could have handled it because my ex tried telling me I was "perfect" in his eyes and that just made me feel uncomfortable because even on a good day I know I'm not perfect. And sure, there are times when I still don't like my body, but I just think that as long as this amazing guy who I love and who loves me thinks I still look beautiful, who am I to disagree. (And sex is a total indication of attraction, maybe not for ALL people, but as long as I have the ability to get him hard with minimal effort and can get that "need you now" look from him, there isn't a doubt in my mind that he finds me attractive.)
The definition of perfect is that it's finished. So perfection in human terms is death. Don't go perfection. Go with being the best you can be. Nothing is perfect and I think everyone prefers it that way.
Its weird because Im a huge supporter of self validation,which means I look in the mirror & think "dammit I wish I coulda been rich instead of so gotdamn good lookin!!" But when my hubbs tells me how pretty I am it makes me feal kinda weird as if im being lied to.......I get the feelin he's trying to jedi mind trick me into sex or "special attention".....weird.
That just means your human. I think we all second-guess and have weird guilt-feedback-loops like that.