Ugh, mean girls. I hate mean girls. My daughter had some issues with mean girls last year at school, and I wanted to go down there and pimp-slap a couple of fourth graders. I couldn't, of course, and didn't, but I wanted to. Luckily my daughter handled it on her own.
I'll tell you what I told her: the best thing you can do is ignore them. Trust me, I know how hard that is. When someone messes with me, I'm ready to take it outside and throw down. Sometimes that's necessary, but not here. I assume you've heard the expression about not getting into a mud fight with a pig, because you'll both end up filthy but the pig likes it. That applies here. The worst thing you can do to mean girls is react. That's what they want--to get a rise out of you. Don't give them the satisfaction. Every time you react, you guarantee that their abuse of you will continue.
Ignore it. Then ignore it again, and ignore it again after that, and ten more times after that. Sooner or later they will get tired of their ploys having no effect on you and go find some other poor soul to harass. Don't reply to them. Don't acknowledge them. Don't even look at them. Act like you didn't even hear it.
It will stop, I promise you. If it doesn't, let me know and I'll come down there and slap the f**k out of somebody. GRRRR!
Thanks for the question.
sooooooo true. bullies get energy and steam from reactions, so when they don't get it, they will (eventually) choose another target. for some of the die hard bullies, it takes a little longer. still waiting for some of mine that have been trying to push my buttons for years to take a hike. but the less i react, the less fire they throw. this i know. so like Cary said, the ignore and repeat buttons need to be consciously pressed by you repeatedly until they stop. the only reason any one ever tries to bring you down, is to lift themselves up. when you realize that, it's easier to ignore. they see something in you that they don't like, so they try to squash it, because they can not get that for themselves. because they can not find that for themselves, they try to wreck it in you. not fair. it sucks. it is aggravating as hell and can ruin a perfectly good day...if you let it. but it's life. *sigh* karma's a bitch is what i always say, they will get theirs if they haven't already. the people that are the meanest to me are living really crappy lives, sad and unChristian as it may sound, i take comfort in that, and the knowledge that that is EXACTLY why they are mean to me. i like the pig expression. another good one is, "arguing with a fool only proves there are two." so, be the bigger person, it really sucks and it can be really freaking hard when someone is calling you a dirty hosebag tramp slut face (when you're not) but, reacting makes them happy, not reacting makes THEIR day worse. good luck.
What about mean girls at work? Can't exactly ignore your co-workers....
You can ignore their rude comments. If it happens so much that it constitutes harassment, you can take it up with your boss or HR.
"When you throw dirt, you lose ground"- Texan proverb
I'm a big fan of the blank stare. With a barely imperceptible eyebrow arch to imply "Are you serious right now?"
It's not a reaction, and you get to feel like you got the upper hand by letting them know a) they aren't worth your effort and b) they aren't worth your effort because you think they're an idiot, not to mention c) you're not afraid of them, as indicated by eye contact.
It works miraculously, because on the inside every bully is deeply insecure, and that's where the meanness comes from. If they feel even more insecure by interacting with you, they will stop altogether.
And the best way to make someone who is already insecure feel MORE insecure is to just not say anything at all because they're going down that path on their own already, without your help.
Also, listening to Taylor Swift's "Mean" perks me up a lot, too!
And I'm gonna close with a Buddhist saying:
When someone hurts you it is because he hurts so much within himself that it is spilling out of him and onto you. Someone who hurts you does not need punishment, he needs help.
Feel sorry for bullies. They are just sad, sad people.
amen sistah. actually told my ex once after one of his tirades that i was going to pray for his life to get better. that's all i said. it kind of made him go off even more, but it definitely sent the message that i didn't really care about what he was saying/doing. and it's true. they are just sad, sad people that show the ugly that is inside by being mean on the outside.
Agreed but sometimes a bully just needs a kick in the ass.
i agree with that too lol
So I shouldn't throw chairs at people? Got it.