Sure. A mean girl is just another form of bully, and all bullies are basically the same; a bundle of insecurities hurting other people to make themselves feel better.
The first and most important thing to remember is there is no value in what they have to say. If somebody comes to you and says they're insulting you behind your back, tell that person you couldn't care less. If they try to be cruel to your face, ignore it, shrug and say "Whatever", or maybe laugh at them. Then walk away.
If it keeps up, talk to your college administrator or your boss about it. When it starts threatening their livelihood, it's amazing how bitchiness just evaporates.
Or you could do what a girl in my high school did, which was drag the queen bee-yotch into the girls room and give her the swirlie from hell. But I don't recommend that one, as satisfying as it may be.
have been the target of mean girls all my life, and the greatest benefit to that is that it gives you good practice to deal with them as you get older. RP is so right. being the bigger person is the best revenge, because all they are doing is trying to bring you down to their level. what that means is, they already see you as someone better than them, and they don't like that, so they try and pick on you and locate your weaknesses, or what they think your weaknesses are to bring you down because they don't like that you have already risen above. my exs new wife, classic mean girl. despite the fact that i went out of my way to even send them a wedding present with not even a thank you. i mean, it's not just me that sees it. she is so bad that combined with him his own parents don't even want them around them. after several years i still have not had more than 5 in person experiences with her, and each one of those times she has thrown a dig in, in front of my child and her own whenever she can. she called me pathetic once while i was dropping my son off, she was dressed in a stained and frumpy track suit and i was on my way to a date looking fabulous. another time, she called me a slut, WHILE she was holding her two year old little girl in her arms and had two other babies in earshot. i always just smile and sardonicallly say nothing more than "classy" because, well, i am trying to point out that she is not. i have never once called her a name, as much as there are several in the book that she is deserving of. YOU can choose classy though even when others won't. my philosophy, ignore a bully and they will go away. mine haven't yet, but i know from experience they only gain energy from the fire you throw back at them, so don't. it IS hard. and it feels really great in the moment sometimes to throw a zinger back, yes i know that from experience as well, not with her but with others, but it only feels good in that moment. when you can rise above it and walk away, it feels BETTER for much longer. trust me on this one, i could probably write a book on it. RP is so dead on. jealousy and insecurity are the two biggest character traits in a mean girl, when you can really see that, it makes them look pretty worthless, because they are exactly that...worth. less. than. you. tell them that you will pray for them, even if you dont believe in it, that or a strategically placed "god bless!" really pisses bullies off too lol
There are stages in life where bullies have more power to hurt. The teen years for instance, when you are their captive audience.
I know this might seem like a blanket statement but often times the method girls use to bully is very calculated. They won't just call you a fag and push you, sort of like what guys might do, rather they launch an all out social undermining.
The bully might even be keeping a fake civilized rapport with her victim.
My advice is to talk about it with someone you trust. Sometimes just expressing yourself can be helpful. Take care of yourself by trying to surround yourself with good people whenever possible.
Yep, talking about it helps, but I find when dealing with somebody who attacks indirectly, taking the problem right to them generally shuts them down. It's amazing how many people stop causing problems once they realize they'll be called on it.
Many times with female bullies (both girls and women), talking to them makes the situation worse. They tend to go in harder on you. Like Jan stated, this is all indirectly of course (by excluding you socially, getting others to be mean to you, sabtoging your relationships/work/school, etc) so it can be very hard to prove and many times the one being bullied is victimized again because she can't get anyone to believe her.
I've been in this situation several times. Ironically it's happened to me more since after I finished college and entered the workplace. The last situation actually happened recently. This lady at my former job (notice I said former) starting lies and rumors about me. She knew exactly what to say to certain people to manipulate and treat me meanly, including my supervisors so I really felt like I was in a rock and a hard place. Btw, this is at a non-profit of all places!
I gave her the benefit of the doubt of being a mature person and went to talk to her seperately. No one was around. I didn't point fingers. I didn't yell. I simply stood up for myself and asked her to stop. SHE DID NOT LIKE IT! She tried even harder to try to make me feel as shitty as she clearly does about herself. :/
So I vowed not to let her do that to me. I continued smiling, living my life, treating everyone with respect (inlcuing those who didn't do the same to me). And because of what I had been through with her, I not only became happier, but I realized I was alot stronger then I thought and it showed. She knew it and so did everyone else.
And that was the best revenge. Because even though I'm not currently working, I have an inner joy that she will never have. Bullies dislike themselves so much that they go after people that have things that they percieve they want. That's why they target you in the first place.
You don't steal happiness from others, you get it within yourself. I'm not saying it's easy becuase I cried more then I would like to admit but knowing this is the best way to deal with bullies because in the end you will always end up winning and they will CONTINUE losing. :)
Talking to the bully directly and calling them on their bullshit doesn't work in the female world as well as it does for males. Most often they deny the behavior. Failing that, ignoring her and having a person to vent to and toss ideas around with.
A truly mean girl can be more cunning and calculating than most guys ever thought of being.
I know one young girl who has mean down to an art form. She could likely be hired to toss ideas at soap opera writers. Her peers don't like her, but pussy foot around her so she doesn't hate on them. What it comes down to is that it takes tons of energy and stamina to keep up the defense needed to deal with her. She is pretty, jealous, insecure, type A, privileged, egocentric and calculating. It goes against my grain to call a 17 yr old evil but it truly is the best adjective for her. It was enlightening and very weird for me when I met her mother and she spent the better part of the evening badmouthing her daughter's peers. So I assume that the mean shit rolls down hill.
Many girls have tried talking to her and she makes it worse for them.
Be kind. Kill that b*tch kindness. Compliment her clothing and hair. Tell her that her ideas are brilliant. Make plans to do things and invite her along. Make her and her friends cupcakes. Make sure you do the same fun-loving, indestructible, sweetheart act to her friends as well.
Slowly make her friends YOUR friends. If she says something mean say "that's not very ladylike." or "aren't you being a little emotional?" be logical when you say it. Don't get mad or flustered or cry.
Encourage her friends to rely on you for comfort. They will soon realize in their own minds what a bey-otch there friend is.
Say things like, "I love (mean girls name here) but sometimes that thing she does seems really silly. Why would she do that?
This especially works as you get older because you seem like the mature rational one and she looks like a whiny child.
Definitely good "practice" for when you'e older; if you can put up with mean girls in high school, mean coworkers won't be much different. Of course, you SHOULDN'T have to put up with it.
The best way to deal with mean girls is give em some attitude! Laugh when they say something ridiculous. If you can come up with a good retort or comeback, use it. Bullies go after people weaker than them; if you can show you're not, they'll lay off. Act like it's no big deal. Laughing it off, smiling, and ignoring her will definitely help and piss her off, cause how can she respond to that?
My best advice: Don't believe a single word she says! Or, try substituting "I'm worried that I'm" every time she says "You're". So "you're fat!" really means "I'm worried that I'm fat!" What she's saying isn't personal; it's not about you at all. She's saying these things out of insecurity, bouncing possibilities about herself off of you, and using people's reactions to you after she gives you these self-percieved traits. Like, "if I make them think she's ugly, will people still be her friend? If so, maybe it's okay that I'm ugly."
BUT! Not letting it burden you isn't the only thing you need to do. You can only ignore ridicule for so long. First try calmly talking to her. If that doesn't work, go to some kind of superior, and do it fast. If she backs off initially after you talk to her, but then starts bullying you again, don't try talking to her anymore; go straight to a superior. If you're in school, an administrator. If it's a place of work, a supervisor/manager/etc.
And if you notice that she's doing this to anyone else, reach out to them. Go talk to the bully or a superior together. Best of luck. :)
Hey, I'm the question asker. Still in school, not working, and never had to deal with this before. Worst part is that it's actually with someone who used to be a friend. Stemmed from a misunderstanding, but now it's just become mean. And this person is very indirect about it, it's all behind my back. Thanks for all the helpful comments, will try take them on board. Have just been so upset by it. This person is obviously not the person I thought she was and has proved to not be a good friend on quite a few occasions. But other times we've had some real good moments. Worth cutting ties though? I seem to be dragged down time and time again by little comments and actions and her inability to ever feel happy if anything good happens to me.
Try talking to her before throwing in the towel. If this is all because of a misunderstanding, maybe just clarifying can clear things up. But you do need to decide whether or not you want to be friends with someone who treats her "enemies" like this.
I had a "best friend" throughout University. We lived together for five years and remained friends for two years after that. We had good times but besides being best friends we were actually polar opposites. There was an underlying jealousy/resentment on her side which I never understood. It was first apparent in "little comments". Little comments, became small digs which turned into low blows which turned into her actually trying to sabotage my friendships and relationship. She tried to isolate me from our social group (not successfully in the end as people saw through her); but it was lonely and confusing. She told everyone my secrets and used it as gossip. I refused to believe that it was her intention to hurt me - I overlooked it and didn't acknowledge it at it all. I eventually distanced myself from her because the friendship was draining and everyone around me hated her guts...but about 2 years later we met up by chance and no sooner than ten mins into the conversation out came the small digs. I just took a good look at her, turned on my heel and walked the F outta there. Stopped taking her calls altogether, messages, deleted and blocked her from my life. My biggest regret is that I should have thrown the towel in way before I actually did. Sometimes it's better to cut people like this out of your life. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain here - you don't need to waste your life trying to interpret their comments or recovering from those little subtle kicks they throw you. Believe me, this is one person who don't want to call a 'friend'. Don't let her comments or actions get you down - remember who you are - remember that you are strong - don't take cr*p from anyone and if you survive this tyrant you'll be set for life. Start socialising in a different crowd - be true to yourself so people will see that you're still the same genuine person you've always been ( it's not you that has changed.) You'll soon see the big weight that has lifted off your shoulders.
bin her- your ex "Best friend" epitomizes a mean girl.
It takes so much energy to deal with people like this. Just when you think she's hit rock bottom mean, you find she has a damn cellar and network of mean tunnels she can slither through.
People like this rarely see themselves for what they are.
bin her - OP here. your ex bf sounds so similar to mine! The inability to feel happy, the underlying jealousy/resentment (probs based on their own insecurity so she feels threatened or something). And also, yes secrets are never secrets with her. She gossips about her friends so much that you know she's going to be gossiping/making little digs about you behind your back too.
Yes, I think I'm done with this. I also feel like I wasn't as nice of a person around her. since she'd always be making bitchy or judgemental comments sometimes it would be easier just to go along with her and then I'd just feel like I didn't want to be that negative person.
Yes am staying true to myself, sticking with the same friends (who she's badmouthed me to - something I haven't done because that's tacky) but my friends are still lovely and still my friends.
Just gotta weed out this negative spot and move on right? Distance is making my head a lot clearer. This friendship was radioactive.
It is insane how spot on you guys are. (OP here again). Seriously, especially 'bin her', you just described my situation lol.
bin her - OP here - your ex 'best friend' sounds so similar to mine! The inability to feel happy, the underlying jealousy/resentment (probs based on their own insecurity so she feels threatened or something). And also, yes secrets are never secrets with her. She gossips about her friends so much that you know she's going to be gossiping/making little digs about you behind your back too.
Yes, I think I'm done with this. I also feel like I wasn't as nice of a person around her. since she'd always be making bitchy or judgemental comments sometimes it would be easier just to go along with her and then I'd just feel like I didn't want to be that negative person.
Yes am staying true to myself, sticking with the same friends (who she's badmouthed me to - something I haven't done because that's tacky) but my friends are still lovely and still my friends.
Just gotta weed out this negative spot and move on right? Distance is making my head a lot clearer. This friendship was radioactive