First, let me just say that what happened to you was awful. It must have been incredibly difficult to just ask this question, but you had the courage to do it. And fortunately, that's the first step.
The next is to seek out counseling. There are dozens of organizations that support survivors of sexual assault, such as RAINN. Call their hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE; they'll be able to point you towards an in-person counselor, if that's what you want, or speak with you on the phone. It's completely anonymous and completely free; they just want to help you.
Work with telling the counselor first, and then tell your boyfriend when you're emotionally ready. It can be pretty difficult to process that your girlfriend is a sexual assault survivor, but if he's worth being with, he'll stick by you.
On behalf of Guyspeak, our thoughts are with you.
My friend lost her virginity due to rape as well and both of you are survivors. I agree with Dan's advice to seek a counselor, my friend definitely utilized the counseling services offered on our college campus. Adding the numbers you are are 20 years old and if you happen to be a college student, check out to see if your school has a counseling center. From personal experience and from my friends experience the counseling center was a great resource.
My friend is now dating a great guy who understood her situation when she felt comfortable enough to tell him what happened. Together they have a good sex life, but he was patient to wait for when she was finally ready.
Right now, "you" are your first priority. Everything with your boyfriend and any other future guys will fall into place once your done taking care of yourself.
I wish all the best for you.
I'm also a rape survivor whose "virginity" was taken at 15. I put virginity in quotes because I still consider myself a virgin. It's my choice who gets to have it, and yours too. If you want your boyfriend to have this very special thing, then tell him you are offering it. You were sexually assaulted and so was I and therapy helped me. I still have not met the person I want to give my virginity to for real and I'm 23. That's ok. If he's worth your virginity he will think you're all the more beautiful and amazing for going through what you did. But go to counseling first because jumping into the sexual situations can bring up a huge range of emotions you probably didn't know were there.
I am also a rape survivor. Once when I was 14 then again at age 18. Two different guys. But I agree with JS. Its your choice on who you give your virginity to. And If your boyfriend is a good guy he will hold your hand and love you even more after he finds out. But like JS said get counseling first because sex can be very emotionally challenging after going through rape. And Im sure your boyfriend will be more then willing to deal with all the emotions with you and help you along the journey to have sex again. Good Luck Sweetie!!! Your not alone in all of this.
I am also a rape survivor. Once when I was 14 then again at age 18. Two different guys. But I agree with JS. Its your choice on who you give your virginity to. And If your boyfriend is a good guy he will hold your hand and love you even more after he finds out. But like JS said get counseling first because sex can be very emotionally challenging after going through rape. And Im sure your boyfriend will be more then willing to deal with all the emotions with you and help you along the journey to have sex again. Good Luck Sweetie!!! Your not alone in all of this.
As you can tell, there are a lot of us out there (rape survivors). I too, lost my virginity to rape when I was young (my 18th birthday). I did what JS did. I went through counseling and then "gave my virginity" to someone that meant a lot to me. It helped me to be able to recreate that moment. Since then, I have been able to cope with what happened. If he is the right guy for you, he will understand and wait until you are ready. If he doesn't, then it is his problem and not yours (so don't let it get to you). It just means that he isn't ready to truly be there for someone. I wish you the best of luck, and don't be afraid to talk about what happened. The more you talk about it, the easier it gets!
I too can sympathize. I was 15 when it happened to me, I am 36 years old now. I agree, talk to someone immediately. Your boy friend, if he is of any merit will understand your deep rooted fears.
Some thing that caught my eye was your phrasing "the thought of sex scares me"...A friend of mine changed the focus on my lens. She said, " rape is not sex, rape is is violence. Don't confuse the two."
I still struggle with sexual intimacy. Feeling vulnerable is still scary at times. But after she told me the above, I healed a little bit more that night.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
TH