Only the person in love can answer that question.
I think true love can conquer many obstacles, but it also depends on the limits of your love and the obstacles in question. Haven't you known people who were absolutely in love with each other but could not for the life of them make a relationship work? I have. You can love an abusive or addicted partner, for example, but that doesn't mean you can continue to live with him. In cases like that, love isn't enough.
You need to consider this: everything that bothers you now about this guy will be the same things that will bother you about him forever. He's not going to change. If anything, his habits will get worse or you will become less tolerant of them. It's one thing to be annoyed with a slacker 20-year-old boyfriend who won't go out and get a part-time job so he can move out of his mom's basement, but it's another thing entirely to have a 36-year-old slacker husband who can't or won't bring home a decent paycheck, which puts more pressure on you to put food on the table for you, him and your three kids. Your love for each other won't seem to matter that much when you're working 60-hour weeks and fighting about unpaid bills.
I'm not telling you to dump your boyfriend. I'm saying that your list of pros and cons needs to consider the future ramifications of those pros and cons. Long-term relationships are hard even under the best circumstances. No relationship is problem-free, but when you have serious concerns like this early on, you must be aware that the problems won't magically disappear later simply because you're in love.
I think love is a powerful thing, but it is not omnipotent. Please don't rely on your love for boyfriend to make everything else okay, because it won't. Love is a big part of a good relationship, but you need to be realistic and savvy as well.
Thanks for the question.
Some soul-searching is in order. Sure, you love him, very much, but even the strongest love faces challenges if there are absent or opposite shared values. You need to find for yourself, how important ambition and career prospects to you are. If you find them important, and they're lacking in your boyfriend, it will grate on you, even if he's strong in the other shared values. This is especially if he is in his mid 30s.
You can try to encourage him to look ahead, but trying to pressure him to change rarely works and tends to create resentment.
At the end of the day, you will have to decide for yourself if his lack of ambition is a deal breaker.
"Love conquers all" is a lovely sentiment, but not true in reality.
Very well said, Cary. This answer was truly more WISE and less ass.
Interesting that you described the 20-year old as "a slacker 20-year-old boyfriend" and the husband as "a 36-year-old slacker husband." In the first one, the word slacker goes with the fact that he's 20: he's a slacker 20-year-old who happens to be her boyfriend. In the second, the word slacker goes with his role in life: he's a slacker husband. You emphasized it more.
Revealing, I think. I agree with you. His lack of get-up-and-get will seem even less endearing in a full-grown man than it does in a youth, if he stays this way--but depending on how young he is now, he may grow out of it.
afraid to commit is a pretty big con that to me trumps most of the others. the others may change with time and circumstance, but that one may never go away. excellent answer though, no, love does not conquer all and only you can answer how big a pro that is against all cons.
At this point in my life I would not even enter into a relationship with someone who lived with their parents. Or had any ambition. Or worked a crappy job. They are called standards. Get some.
The younger you are the more tolerant you are of the "cons" but long term they will definately get under your skin more and more.
Before anybody judges the "younger" comment I dont mean it as a negative, just an observation. The younger or more innocent you are, the more you want to believe that LOVE is enough to overcome all the "cons" in the world. After a few rounds with reality though I think we learn that love ist not enough to sustain a long term healthy relationship!
I agree with you 100%!
What Mr. X said.