Whether or not your relationship can be saved depends on what is most important to you in a relationship.
We know that no mate is an absolute perfect fit to us because no two people are absolutely alike. Each of us has different priorities, different things we value above others in ourselves and our partners. The result is that you will never find a mate who is 100% sympatico with you (and those of you raising your hands and saying "I did!"--give it time). This is a good thing, though--who wants to date someone exactly like themselves?
If you can find someone with a majority of qualities that you like, you're doing well, but there will always be those things between you that are at odds. Example: I'm a bit of a neat freak and my wife is messy. She has always been messy. I knew this when I married her. I also knew she was kindhearted, morally grounded, affectionate, smart and funny--things that are much more important to me than whether or not she leaves her clothes strewn around the bedroom--so I accept her as she is.
I realize that sexual compatibility is a bigger deal than neatness, but the principle is the same. What are you willing to overlook, and what things are deal-breakers?
Don't expect your guy's sex drive to change; it won't. If anything, it will diminish with time, though there are certainly exceptions to that (cough). If you are already frustrated, that frustration will continue (and likely grow) the longer you date. In other words, good or bad, sex will always be an issue between you.
You have to decide where sexual compatibility stands in your hierarchy of priorities. It's important to all of us, sure, but if you can't have everything--and you can't--are your boyfriend's other good qualities enough to offset the differences in your sexual drives?
Only you can make that call.
Thanks for the question.
Not exactly the same (far from it, really) but...
if you really like the guy and want to be with him, just make sure you have lots of batteries.
Then maybe start to share (if both of you are comfortable with that) that you're ready to go but if he's not, just let him know you're going to go help yourself a bit. Maybe he'll say let me help you... then maybe he'll get ready to go too and then... well, you know.
Maybe? Just a thought.
Mike - This weekend I asked my guy to touch me when I was hot and he was not. He tried to brush it off but I couldn't help myself and started going it alone, suggesting that if he wasn't going to help he could go away. Sheesh! Big mistake, my big mouth, my big urges, my lack of patience...! Rather than talk me down or promise something for later, he got so uncomfortable he was about to leave until I talked him out of his tree. But a feeling of rejection lingered with me and lead to an uncomfortable evening during which I made more insecure mistakes. We're still getting to know each other, and it's a wonder he's still speaking to me, but he might be too traditional. Or I need to finally accept that a woman cannot initiate and there is a double standard, no matter what the rags say. I suppose we'll see. Just wanted to warn the ladies to really suss up the gentlemen before exposing them to something so "new" and "crazy" as female masturbation. :)
Thanks Cary for a helpful answer to a question that was similar to mine, and good luck to you LibiD'OH!
Crazy. I thought guys were supposed to be into watching female masturbation and all? Or is that just a myth circulated by female magazines? Maybe, your guy is the exception?
However, I really don't see what you did as a mistake. I mean, different peoplehave different comfort levels, but if you never try, you never know. You really shouldn't be so hard on yourself. :)
I agree with Whatislove. You did nothing wrong. He wasn't in the mood so you pleasured yourself. So? Why are you feeling so guilty?
Wow, sorry for your... errr... I don't know what to say.
I'd work for me.
the only thing I can say is be comfortable with yourself - you're perfectly normal. Don't let him affect who you are
I can tell you that as guy I'm more than happy for my girlfriend to initiate and I'm totally OK with my girlfriend doing the deed herself if I for whatever reason am not able (influenza, hospitalization, decapitation etc.)
I know it seems unbelieveable, but there are low-testosterone guys out there that don't really care about sex! And unless you can get them to the Dr to sort that out, he will always be that way. And, the incompatible sex thing will become a relationship ender or if you do stick it out, you'll be unhappy.
What if the guy is okay with a low drive and refuses to go to the doctor? I think a lot of men would resist hormone therapy.
my BF has low testosterone, and we are dealing with that :)
he has concerns about starting the therapy for that; as it will be a life long commitment...
I'm going through the same thing. I guess the one redeeming factor is that when he does want it, its pretty amazing. I hate having to beg for sex though.