You're not in love with your boyfriend. At best, you're rapidly falling out of love with him. The best way to make a person make a move on you is to make a move on them. Flirt with him. Give him the "game on" eyes. Laugh at his jokes, touch his shoulder, you know the routine.
I know you know the routine.
Try and find ways to hang out at your boyfriend's place when he's not there. Play innocent, and remember that the best lies are the simplest ones. If you can swing this, then let nature and alcohol take over.
I commend you for telling me that you already know this is wrong. Having cheated and been cheated on, I can tell you that if there's one thing worse than a faithless dog, it's a faithless dog that isn't honest with him or herself.
Cheating is a choice. You know, I'm a believer that the heart wants what the heart wants. If love were cut and dry, governed my immutable rules of conduct, then it wouldn't be the complicated mess it is. And oh, it's complicated. Finding that one person you click with, and want to grow old and fat with is a valuable thing, so it shouldn't be easy.
So... if you want to cheat. Cheat. But don't kid yourself: you don't love your boyfriend as much as you'd like to think you do. And hoping to make his friend do your dirty work and seduce you is a douchebag way to get out of the relationship. It should be noted that "douchebag" is not a gender-specific term.
You could also dump this guy, and then from afar, try and seduce his roommate friend. But something tells me his roomie is nothing special. He's just a convenient, nearby plaything.
Cheat on your boyfriend. Be a dirtbag. Embrace it! I have. You'll accrue terrible relationship karma. But so long as you can accept responsibility for your actions, go forth and do what you need to do. You just can't be a cheater and a hero at the same time. That's not how this works.
On the bright side, sometimes you can learn alot about yourself sifting through the wreckage of a relationship you personally drove off a cliff. They won't be good things you'll discover, but wisdom is frequently understanding why one does the wrong thing, and then trying to do the opposite in the future.
This is probably a self-serving comment considering I am a unrepentant cheater, but I don't think that her being in love with her boyfriend and wanting to have sex with another man have to be mutually exclusive.
I obviously don't place as high a value on sexual monogamy as others may, but is it necessary for love to be accompanied by monogamy 100% of the time?
No, I don't think so. And while I probably would never practice polyamory, I do think that for other people it might actually work out.
I don't believe monogamy is for everyone. In many ways, it sucks.
You can love someone and still want other people. And then you have a choice to either walk the line, or run around. Either way, their are consequences.
Whether you can deal with the fallout from that choice is the question. I actually respect the unrepentant cheater. At the very least, they're being honest with themselves.
But I don't feel this woman is being honest with herself.
She should have just come out and asked how to nail this dude, her boyfriend, and relationship karma, be damned.
I agree that the woman's question was disingenuous (come on, 99% of women know how to issue a subtle invitation to a man), and maybe she is falling out of love with her boyfriend. But if she is in love with him and wants to fuck around with the roommate there are definitely ways to manage both. Although shitting where you eat is a supremely bad idea if you have any interest in maintaining the current relationship.
I know that it goes beyond the scope of her original question to discuss the manageable alternatives, but it's not always as simple as stay with your boyfriend or cheat on him and get dumped. Sure, the consequences are important, so if cheating is a deal breaker for her boyfriend then she has to be smart in how she goes about it and then accept the fallout as it happens.
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I am in this same situation, except I know I don't love my boyfriend and it's not a roommate or friend of his that I'm interested in. I just can't seem to muster up the strength to break up with him..
John's right. You are not in love with your boyfriend. If you want him to pull off a move to you, then you should send some sublte messages to him that you like him. Like flirt and so forth. And then maybe he will begin making moves to you.
you should talk to your boyfriend and hust be open with him on how you feel since yu say you love him
i really think you should talk to him too. because i felt that way sometimes but it was just lust and im still with mine
i talked to him too and it helped alot. but its not my life
This happened to me, but I knew I was no longer in love with my bf and I very much did not want to cheat on him. I still cared about him as a person, but the spark was completely gone from our relationship. I knew it was a problem when I drove 3 hrs to visit my bf and got sad when his roommate wasn't there to flirt with me. I finally told my bf we were going on a break and the next day drunkenly hooked up with his roommate while the now-ex-bf was asleep in the other room. I still feel a little guilty about it, but I'm so glad I broke up with the bf first. The relationship needed to end for reasons beyond my roommate lust, that was just what finally gave me the courage to do it. Best of luck. I don't recommend cheating. The feelings for the roommate are probably a sign of deeper issues with your current relationship.
This happened to me, but I knew I was no longer in love with my bf and I very much did not want to cheat on him. I still cared about him as a person, but the spark was completely gone from our relationship. I knew it was a problem when I drove 3 hrs to visit my bf and got sad when his roommate wasn't there to flirt with me. I finally told my bf we were going on a break and the next day drunkenly hooked up with his roommate while the now-ex-bf was asleep in the other room. I still feel a little guilty about it, but I'm so glad I broke up with the bf first. The relationship needed to end for reasons beyond my roommate lust, that was just what finally gave me the courage to do it. Best of luck. I don't recommend cheating. The feelings for the roommate are probably a sign of deeper issues with your current relationship.
"You're not in love with your boyfriend."
Thanks for that. So many people are quick to use "love" when they really shouldn't. I used it way too early in my first relationship and regretted it from then on.
Also, MySpace/Facebook statuses and whatnot where people say they "love" their boyfriend/girlfriend after a week or so of dating followed closely by a breakup are far too common these days. The word "love" has darn near lost all meaning.
Agreed. Love as a term has been so mangled throughout the decades I'm not sure it has much meaning left. At least, not without several adjectives explaining exactly what kind of love you mean.
No, loving someone and having the urge to have sex with someone else are not mutually exclusive phenomena, but acting on that urge knowing it will hurt the person you love is an act of betrayal. Love is a verb; you can't just "be in love" regardless of your conduct.
Kurt Vonnegut said the world doesn't need more love; what it needs is a hell of a lot more common courtesy.
Soooooooo feel you on your predicament. Went through a similar situation with an ex, only the roommate in question was also his BESTEST BFF and a grimy playa at that. I broke up with my bf but never got the chance to get with his friend. When it was all said and done, I felt better about myself for NOT getting busy with my ex-BF's BFF because who wants to be known as the chick that "keeps it in the clique."
Cheating is not really about "the heart wants what the heart wants". That makes it seem like some romantic thing to do, but it's really as far away from romance as you can get.
Cheating is about being selfish. You want whatever you are getting from being in a relationship, while still enjoying playing the field (this in of itself is not the selfish bit). The selfish bit is that you aren't letting your relationship partner in on the fact that they too can enjoy playing the field, since you certainly will be.
It is like a conversation I had with a roomate I had in college. He told me one night that he wanted to go out and get laid. I said, "Don't you have a girlfriend back home?". He replied that he did. I said, "Oh, so you have an arrangement where if she went out and hooked up with some guy, that would be fine then.". He replied, "My girl wouldn't do that to me, man!"
Now, for some practical notes:
1. You may be more interested in this friend because he represents something forbidden, and hence dangerous.
2. If you decide not to break up first, realize that once you get caught, you will have destroyed your relationship with your boyfriend. You will also have destroyed your boyfriend's relationship with his friend. You can leave the situation immediately, your boyfriend may have to spend weeks or months living with the guy.
3. If you actually think you might want to be in a real relationship with the friend some day, break it off with your boyfriend. I know that I would never be able to trust someone to be faithful with me, when I was the other man.
4. His friend may not be interesting in destroying his friendship for you, and might instead just tell your boyfriend what you are trying to do.
5. It's a bad idea to cheat somewhere where your boyfriend can walk in on you. This is not just from a "don't get caught" perspective, this is a safety concern. The phrase "Crime of Passion" exists for a reason. So, definitely don't cheat on him in his own apartment. If you must, and he doesn't have your key, then do it at your own place.
Ahahahhahahahaaa! You have got to be kidding. What a stupid question!
Alright, here is what I have to say to your cheating whore ass. This will be a great test of two things: The self restraint of your b/f's friend; and your loyalty. We know the outcome of one of those tests but your unsuspecting b/f does not.
Remember that any half-decent looking girl can score with most guys anywhere at the drop of their knickers. Guys are not hard to seduce. The only thing that might keep your b/f's friend away from you is his sense of honor and loyalty to his friend, if he indeed has any of those qualities. Self-restraint is what separates humans from animals. It is safe to say that you are more of an animal. What his friend does will show what kind of a person he is.
Let me tell you - I, like most guys, love women and variety so I would totally do you assuming you're HB7+. If not, forget it. But if it was a buddy's girl or an ex of his, it would be a very dishonorable thing to do. Even asking his permission would not be cool. No guy would want his friend banging his girl or ex-girl.
You obviously have no honor and will do as your heart desires with no regard for others. And that is why no reasonably intelligent, self-respecting man will ever consider you as anything more than a plaything.
I have the same problem, ahah. Though I'd like to have an open relationship with my boyfriend and his roommate. My boyfriend is open, but is too straight to have a threesome with me and this guy (my guy wouldn't mind two girls though, eheheh). I'm not sure yet, but I think he wouldn't take it too badly if I was doing things with his roommate.
I'll just ask him in a subtle way first, before doing any move with the other guy. He defied me a few times (was he joking or not? I don't know!) to be with his roommate instead of him (mostly because he finds me as crazy and weird as his roommate and that he knows that I find that last one amazing, but my boyfriend does too anyway).
Finally, we are all crazy here. XD
Hi Eggman. I would really like to know if you found the solution to your dilemma. My bf & I are in an open relationship and were recently talking about me screwing around with his roommate. The problem is that we have no idea how to start this conversation with him without accidentaly ruin the pretty good friendship/ great roommate arrangment between those two guys. Any thoughts?
if you want to learn from your mistakes then go all out and do it! make it fun and live it up!
Karma is a bitch....i believe what comes around goes around....the roomate will probably just chuck you n e ways.
Love is permanant and lust is temporary.