I have no idea why he doesn't want you to work. Have you asked him?
I can think of several possible reasons he might have for wanting you to stay at home. Maybe he's one of these super old-fashioned guys who thinks that a woman's place is in the home, not on the job. Maybe he wants to be the sole breadwinner in the family because he thinks it reflects badly on him if his poor wife has to work, like you guys need the money or something. I've heard of husbands not wanting their wives to work so the wives wouldn't be around other men all the time, so maybe it's a jealousy/ insecurity thing. He could be ready to start making babies soon after you get married, or maybe he just wants you to live a life of leisure. Again -- you'd have to ask him.
Does it make a difference in the relationship? Yes, but not in the way you mean. It makes a difference if he pushes you to give up your career just to please him and you end up resenting him for it. I think it is a selfish request on his part, and it sets a bad precedent for the rest of your marriage. Why ask anyone to give up something that makes them happy and isn't hurting them?
Besides, what are you going to do at home all day, sit around playing canasta and trading coupons with the other women whose husbands made them quit working? If you two are planning on starting a family soon and he wants you to be a stay-at-home mom, that's different. But if he just wants you to quit because he wants you to quit? No. Not a good enough reason.
You also need to think of your future. If you have a career you enjoy, it's foolish to give it up. Money might not be an issue when you're married, but if your marriage ever ends--and they do--money will most definitely be an issue. You can't take five or ten years off from a career and expect to walk back in and pick up where you left off. You'll basically start over. I've known too many women who had to do this when their marriages didn't work out as they had planned, and it sucks. If you think it's hard to start a career when you're 20, try doing it when you're 40 or 50.
The most important reason to keep your job, however, is the fact that you like it and it makes you happy. That should be enough for him, too. Don't even think about giving it up until he can give you a good reason to do so.
Run, don't walk, away from this loser.
As a 40 year old mom of 2 going through a divorce, I thank god everyday that I have a job I love that helped keep me sane this past year and allows me to provide for myself and children. Never underestimate the value of having something for yourself that makes you happy and allows you to take care of yourself. As much as I hate to see marriages fail, it's always wise to prepare for the worst.
For some people, a job is what they do to make money. For others, it helps to define who they are. If you are in this latter category (and it sounds like you might be), then he's not just asking you to take time off work. He's asking you to stop being you. If who you are and what you do isn't what he wants to share his life with, then you should probably re-think the whole marriage scenario.
For some people, a job is what they do to make money. For others, it helps to define who they are. If you are in this latter category (and it sounds like you might be), then he's not just asking you to take time off work. He's asking you to stop being you. If who you are and what you do isn't what he wants to share his life with, then you should probably re-think the whole marriage scenario.
One of my favorite people on the planet is an amazing woman in her 80's. She worked for years to get her teaching credentials to do the thing she loved most, and she loved it and was extremely good at it. The kids loved her and she had a knack for bringing the best out of the "problem children". She married a man who demanded that she quit teaching to become a house wife. After a bit of a fight, she quit her job. By the time her husband passed away and she could have gone back to teaching she was past retirement age. All of these years later she still regrets that decision to give it up. She says now that if she could do it again she never would have quit and would have told her husband to deal with it....
The moral of the story is fairly obvious...but marriage his hard enough...30 years down the road you aren't going to need that kind of reason to resent your husband...ultimately the decision is yours...compromise is a MASSIVE part of any relationship...you will both have to choose the option you can live with...but I agree, talking it out is definitely a key step! Good luck!
Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore -lady gaga
i love that lady gaga quote!!