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I love whiskey, tell dick jokes, and sometimes pay for dates. Often I'm smarter, wittier, and more honest than the (usually great) men I find, which leads them to feel insecure. How can I make men feel like men without giving up who I am?

Well, a lot of the stuff I said to the smart girl with huge, zeppelin-esque jugs applies, but less forcefully because you already seem to think pretty highly of yourself. Not that I'm knocking you for that; I tell dick jokes for a living and I think I'm the next freaking Rod Stewart (that's good).

Let me say this though: there is very little chance (like, literally one in seven billion) that you are the wittiest person in the world. There's probably someone as witty and brash and awesome as you in your very state.

So don't change who you are, because that's bullshit. I mean, did Saturday morning cartoon PSAs teach you nothing?! But don't go around thinking that the reason you can't get anyone to date you on a recurring basis is because they're all so intimidated they must crawl away trembling from your greatness.

Trust me, there are guys out there that can handle a smart, fiery, flapper-type woman. Many of us love that crap (those leather frills are the bee's knees). If this is happening to you a lot, consider that you could be scaring some guys off not because they have tiny, weak egos, but because you drink whiskey and tell dick jokes on the first date.

You seem like the kind of person that would dominate a conversation; maybe show some interest in your dates. Find out what makes them tick, instead of focusing on how they react to you. Worry less about finding someone who "can handle all this right here," and more about whether the person across from you is enjoying themselves.

It's not changing who you are; it's human generosity.

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4 Comments

machinewoman

i knew i would sound like a jerk asking that question! i didn't mean to come off as "....and a bag of chips" on that. i think part B of that question was how do you cross the barrier from being 'that girl you screw' to being 'that girl you date'?

i generally don't have a problem gaging the person across the table, but you're right, i should stop being so abrasive right off the bat. i don't know if it's some kind of defense mechanism, but i do tend to put all my bad habits on the table right away. that's what i meant by my honesty.

so i'm trying this new thing called, 'letting the crazy out slowly.' i'm not going to stop drinking manhattans on the first date (as long as mad men is still on air, it's fair game), but i will try to save the dick jokes for the second date. metaphorically speaking. maybe don't bring up bad habit before the appetizers come out, but bring them up if or when the situation arises.maybe this will help me cross that barrier?

asking him to pull my finger on the first date is totally still in the cards. ; )

thanks funny guy!

Michael Swaim

Sounds like you've got things under control. We've all got crazy; it's just a matter of getting them drawn into the relationship enough that it's more work to pull away than to say "screw it" and live with our weirdness. Ah, true love.

Megan

For every kind of crazy, there is a man out there who can deal with it. A wise man shared that with me. He added a few disgusting things but I'll leave it right there.

Be who you are. There is a man who will LOVE that kind of open ended honesty. He'll think you are goofy and love you for it. I feel it. Be who you are girl, to the ends of the earth be who you are.

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What a lovely day for a 2829932! SCK was here

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