Oops!
Hey, we all make mistakes. Cheating is bad, obviously, but at the very least you are taking responsibility for your actions and seem to have learned from your mistake. That's something.
All you can do is tell your ex what you're telling me -- that you're truly sorry and have learned some important lessons from your indiscretion. Be prepared to tell him exactly what those lessons are, and how you think they will prevent you from cheating again. He will need some assurance that you've really changed and won't burn him a second time. Fool me once and all that.
You might also offer to go to couples counseling with him if he thinks it could help (and it can). You don't say how long you two were together, but if it was a longer-term relationship, couples therapy can almost certainly help.
I'm sure you realize there is a very good chance he won't take you back no matter what you do, which is his prerogative. You can't really blame him if he does. Part of owning up to one's actions is quietly accepting the negative consequences that go along with those actions. You blew it and now you might have to pay the price.
On the other hand, don't spend the next year kicking yourself in the ass for what you've done, either. Everyone screws up. Learn what you need to learn from it, resolve to do better next time and move on. You have to forgive yourself, even if he doesn't, or it will hinder all your future relationships.
Good luck.
Excellent advice! I can't think of anything to add.
I would suggest some counseling to discover the reason for the cheating as well. Sometimes these things are as simple as wasted out of your mind stupidity but a lot of the time it is due to a low self esteem or other issues.
I recall my wedding vows saying something about "for better or for worse." This is about as "worse" as it gets, that's for sure. I'd be crushed if my husband cheated on my, but I would try to pick up the pieces. I don't know if I could, or if it would ever be the same, but I'd try. Counseling would be a must. And I'd want to know *why* he had to go outside of our marriage. Obviously there had to have been something lacking in it.
I wish you luck! And couldn't agree with Cary more.
For better or for worse refers to life situations and circumstances. Plus cheating breaks the vows....so ....
It does? I don't remember that clarification in the wedding vows. "For better or for worse -- but only in life situations and circumstances"?
Cheating falls under "life situations" anyway.
Usually vows include, "I take you to be my wife/husband...and forsaking all others....
I agree with you 100% Samsmama. I am committed to my marriage enough to know that when the shit hits the fan, I'm going to stick around and try to help clean it up. I think the lack of commitment being put into marriages is one of the bigger causes behind the divorce rate being so high..too many people are too selfish to work through their issues as a couple, as they are more focused on justifying the way they feel.
If he was willing to forgive you , that'd be something. Most guys I know would send yah a lump of crap and tell you to chew on that. lmao
I've cheated, it was a horrible thing to do. I really regretted hurting the person I was with. Nothing is worth that... So you make peace with it, take some time for some personal introspection and leave the person that you hurt the fuck alone.... truly
It's good that you learned from your mistakes, but most people won't forgive cheating. It's the ultimate betrayal, and very difficult to recover from.
If I were you, I'd move on. Even if the other person takes you back, sometimes the trust never returns.
Good advice. Thanks for not suggesting the he-cheats-sitcom-counterbalance gambit. That never works.
My wife and I have been married for about 14 years. We got married in High School. If she ever did that to me, I would have a hard time forgiving her...a VERY hard time. We have never even kissed anyone else. I had my chances back in the day, but for some reason, I never did.
The best thing is to not put yourself in the kinds of situations that give you the opportunity to cheat to begin with, IMHO. So , moving forward, I would say to keep that in mind and if you are away from the spouse, just communicate, communicate, communicate.
That's what I would say, but I don't have my own website either.
"What is the best way to attempt to get my guy back?"
Blow jobs. Twice daily. For life.