He's giving you mixed signals because he's deciding whether or not to cheat on his girlfriend. Avoid at all costs.
You said it: Why do you want to be the other woman? If he really wanted to be with you, he'd break up with his girlfriend. That's about as concrete of a signal as you could get. But, instead, he's flirting with you behind the girlfriend's back. It might just be flirting, and if you try to actually make a move, he'll be like, "Wait, I have a girlfriend." Then you'll be embarrassed and heartbroken. Or, maybe you will hook up, and then you'll be a homewrecker as you said.
Do you want to be sleeping with a guy in a relationship hoping that he'll leave his girlfriend? It's not a good position to be in. Imagine yourself in his girlfriend's place. Would you want some other girl on campus flirting with your guy and debating whether or not to help him cheat? And let's say you cheat, and he eventually leaves the girlfriend. Do you want to be with a guy who so easily cheated on someone? Or be in a relationship that started from a dishonest place?
This is what you do: Tell him you're not messing around with a guy with a girlfriend. Don't even bother telling him you're interested. For one thing, he probably knows that already. Tell him to dump the girlfriend if he's not happy. In the meantime, stop flirting with him and focus on finding someone who isn't attached. If this guy is actually into you beyond just getting into your pants, he'll break up with the girlfriend. Otherwise, this will not end well.
You said it: Why do you want to be the other woman? If he really wanted to be with you, he'd break up with his girlfriend. That's about as concrete of a signal as you could get. But, instead, he's flirting with you behind the girlfriend's back. It might just be flirting, and if you try to actually make a move, he'll be like, "Wait, I have a girlfriend." Then you'll be embarrassed and heartbroken. Or, maybe you will hook up, and then you'll be a homewrecker as you said.
Do you want to be sleeping with a guy in a relationship hoping that he'll leave his girlfriend? It's not a good position to be in. Imagine yourself in his girlfriend's place. Would you want some other girl on campus flirting with your guy and debating whether or not to help him cheat? And let's say you cheat, and he eventually leaves the girlfriend. Do you want to be with a guy who so easily cheated on someone? Or be in a relationship that started from a dishonest place?
This is what you do: Tell him you're not messing around with a guy with a girlfriend. Don't even bother telling him you're interested. For one thing, he probably knows that already. Tell him to dump the girlfriend if he's not happy. In the meantime, stop flirting with him and focus on finding someone who isn't attached. If this guy is actually into you beyond just getting into your pants, he'll break up with the girlfriend. Otherwise, this will not end well.
Good answer, Nick. Couldn't have said it better myself.
I'm not thrilled with the idea that if some one really likes you they break up with their current SO for you.
I had an ex-boyfriend do this for me, he was so smitten, apparently.
It turns out that, easy come easy go.
Once the initial infatuation died down a bit, he was off flirting and prowling after other women (It's nice to know most of them didn't like his behaviour and would tell me he was being a bit 'friendly'. Keep the sisterhood loyal).
If someone flirts around whilst in a relationship you have to question their integrity as well as their standards of respect for those they claim to care for.
That definitely sucks. I'm just saying it's better than cheating. If he's flirting with other girls and develops for feelings for someone else, he shouldn't be with you. You deserve better.
Hey, it's sad, but it happens. People with SOs catch feelings for other people and end up leaving for them. And if it comes back to bite them (which it often does), then well, that's the risk they took.
It would suck either way, but I'd much rather a guy break up with me and THEN creep on other girls than do it while I'm still with him. Been through it, and also been the target of guys with girlfriends. If you're on the prowl like that, you just need to be single, like Nick said.
Well I met someone on campus and we became friends while I was dating someone else. After a while I couldn't really deny that I was attracted to him, and was very ready to end my other relationship, the only problem was I was in a small class with my SO so i waited until after school and after exams to break up with him and then like a month later I ended up getting together with that other guy. It's not always that the person is looking for an opportunity to cheat, and if they are not happy in their relationship it may be complicated to ends things at that time. Just an example, I'm not saying this is what that situation is like. And FYI we kept things platonic and did not flirt tons until I was single.
Same thing happened to me a couple years back. Listen to Nick's advice and AVOID at all costs. He's likely to just flip the situation to his GF to make you look like the bad guy. Don't waste your time on sketch.
Was he the one to tell you he had a girlfriend? You say he sends mixed signals and all. I am very friendly with female friends etc and it has been mistaken for intimate interest. In fact, I am very friendly with my male friends which led to a very awkward conversation with my oldest friend who came out to me thinking I was also into him. It was awkward. Some guys are just actually interested in their friends lives and experiences which can be thought of as flirting. Being open, considerate, and honest with women most of the time leads them to think I have a thing for them. Just a thought, I could be very off base here of course.
Chic Geek!!! I'm going through a very similar situation, the only exception is that
this Guy doesn't have a girl friend yet. But he ones subtly told me that he can't make up a relationship with me because we are of two religions and also he's few months younger to me but born in the same year. After all this he still attempts to be giving me mixed signals that he's still interested.How can I take up this situation? please help....Thank you!!!
It sounds like he likes you but is being held back by a valid reason (different religions) and a silly reason (he's a few months younger? What's the big deal?)
Address the religion issue by showing interest in his faith. While dating someone from another religion may be a dealbreaker for him, the more time you spend together and the more he gets to know you, the more likely he is to fall for you and consider exploring an interfaith relationship.
As for the age difference-- tell him to chill. A few months is not a big deal at all.
Hey Nick,Thanks a lot for the previous reply.I desperately need your help again.This same guy has been trying to emphasize that we are "Best friends" sort of, but he keeps on getting weird day by day which gives me the feeling that he's still interested.For instance (kisses on text messages,asking to come out for a movie) So I get annoyed with the contradiction between what he say and does.And I explained him too that we should avoid such behaviour if we are really friends.He accepted and agreed but still doing the same thing again. Should I do something on this or keep watching how things will turn out to be.But honestly I like this guy.
Chick Geek! Help!!!!!! I have a very similar situation happening.... the guy told me that he was single however facebook and a few other acquaintances told me that he was in a relationship. I told him flat out that I will not be the other girl and if he was single then he needs to take care of things on his end. Less than a week later he changes his facebook status and has been texting me. My question is 'Do you think he is a genuine guy?' I'm tired of wasting energy with guys who aren't worth it. What are some signs I should be looking for if he's being insincere?
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I agree