Well either your boyfriend is most inconsiderate summammab***h ever or he's the least affectionate person on the planet. It's either or.
Do you question if he loves you? If not, then it's the latter. Basically, he has no earthly (or perhaps Venusly) idea how to make his woman feel special. Sad to say, this isn't a foreign problem. Lots of men suck in this regard. I think you might have a student on your hands, because somebody needs to learn him.
Somebody=you.
Obviously you care since you're still there. My suggestions are two-fold: 1) let him know how much it bothers you that he doesn't do any of those things. We both need them to happen to feel wanted, appreciated, and loved. Especially the initiating sex one. I can't imagine how it must make a woman feel to ALWAYS have to do this. While I love when my chick (when I have one) hops up like, "get it' Jim Bob" I like to make sure I let her know that I do desire her.
Also, 2) just show him. Grab his arm and put it around you. And tell him that's how you do it and how it would make your day if he did. Or if he just called to say "I love you" (no Stevie). Or if he just, ya know, grabbed him a little booty sometime. If he loves you, he's probably willing to learn to show you he does love you since these are actual legit concerns.
If he couldn't care less, it might be time to send him packing. I'll grab your booty!!!
Wow. You waited an entire year to address this issue? I would've asked him what the heck his deal was a loooong time ago.
There are so many things that couples could resolve just by talking. He probably doesn't know it bothers you, because if you haven't learned it by now, men aren't usually very intuitive or blessed with the gift of telepathy.
**if he could care less**
No . . . it's COULDN'T care less:
Let's say your level of "caring" is measured on a scale of 0 to 10. If you COULD care less it means that you are level 1 through 10--you COULD care even less than you do now. However, if you COULDN'T care less, it means that you are at level 0, that you have the very least amount of interest and you are unable to be any more disinterested. BFF used the term correctly.
Sorry to be commenting on your grammar, Lisa . . . but you started it!
I had this happen to me. If it's been a year, it won't get better. You might split up and then suddenly he'll be all sad and lonely and want you back, but I absolutely promise you it will be a massive waste of time. And that's not just from my experience, but everyone I know who's ever had this problem. If the love doesn't go two ways, it isn't going to work long term.
This might sound harsh, but he doesn't care about you as much as he wants to/thinks he does. And that isn't a reflection on you at ALL, it's just that some people just don't realise that what they're feeling isn't love but security. He loves that you love him, clearly, but it doesn't sound as though he's actually in love with you.
If it were only one of those things, I'd say he's not very good at verbal communication, or displays of affection, for example, but considering it's all three, that's just a terrible sign. I'm assuming you've done the adult thing and actually had a conversation about this already, so if this is still where his behaviour is at, it's time to move on.
Cut your losses and get out of there. It won't get better. :/
My man and I didn't hold hands in public until after we had been together over a year.. It's really not a big deal.. His spontaneity increased quite a bit after that. (he did the same as the guy in the question.)
He just wanted to make sure I was on board and he didn't want me to feel rushed.. I did eventually talk to him about showing his affection. We are now on the same page.
Just talk about it..
yep. talk about it. oh so many relationship issues because we don't talk about these not so little things. talking about it is the only way you are going to get the right answer, and the right answer, even if its not what you want to hear, can only come from him. does he love you? or is he in love with having a girlfriend? don't ask him that outright, but start the discussion on PDA and see where it goes. good luck!
Hello! This is the original question-er. To BFF and to everyone in this thread, thank you so much for your feedback! I really appreciate the blatant honesty and advice I'm reading here.
About the communication aspect which BFF and some of the girls here are focusing on: yes actually, we've had talks about some of my issues in the past but his are answers that I can't find ways to get around. Here are some examples:
In answer to this issue about his saying I love you first, when I brought this up with him, he was surprised and said "Isn't it obvious?"; as if this was already a fact and that his saying it once means he doesn't have to say it again. I admit that although he isn't verbal, he's practical in his expression - he brings me out to dinner, picks me up from work, calls me everyday, etc. Although when I commented about my need to hear THE WORDS from him at times, he told me ok, but he's never done it so far and I don't like nagging.
About the initiating sex, he told me that if he initiated it all the time, we'd be at it all the time - which is why he claims it should come from me! (?) The only issue we've never been able to talk about directly is his hugging me spontaneously. When I asked him why he never hugged me, he denied it and said that "he does." (?) Which is strange.
I guess BFF just sums it up nicely: "Well either your boyfriend is most inconsiderate summammab***h ever or he's the least affectionate person on the planet. It's either or." Sometimes I wonder if it's the former, but because I love him and know that he's an honest enough guy, I give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he's just plain unaffectionate... as of this moment.
Amanda, thank you so much for your comment - your situation really does sound like mine. My boyfriend did mention a long time ago that he wanted to take things slowly. I just hope he opens up soon, too. :)
Hello! This is the original question-er. To BFF and to everyone in this thread, thank you so much for your feedback! I really appreciate the blatant honesty and advice I'm reading here.
About the communication aspect which BFF and some of the girls here are focusing on: yes actually, we've had talks about some of my issues in the past but his are answers that I can't find ways to get around. Here are some examples:
In answer to this issue about his saying I love you first, when I brought this up with him, he was surprised and said "Isn't it obvious?"; as if this was already a fact and that his saying it once means he doesn't have to say it again. I admit that although he isn't verbal, he's practical in his expression - he brings me out to dinner, picks me up from work, calls me everyday, etc. Although when I commented about my need to hear THE WORDS from him at times, he told me ok, but he's never done it so far and I don't like nagging.
About the initiating sex, he told me that if he initiated it all the time, we'd be at it all the time - which is why he claims it should come from me! (?) The only issue we've never been able to talk about directly is his hugging me spontaneously. When I asked him why he never hugged me, he denied it and said that "he does." (?) Which is strange.
I guess BFF just sums it up nicely: "Well either your boyfriend is most inconsiderate summammab***h ever or he's the least affectionate person on the planet. It's either or." Sometimes I wonder if it's the former, but because I love him and know that he's an honest enough guy, I give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he's just plain unaffectionate... as of this moment.
Amanda, thank you so much for your comment - your situation really does sound like mine. My boyfriend did mention a long time ago that he wanted to take things slowly. I just hope he opens up soon,