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I really want to include my husband in my s&m fantacies and would like for him to be the one to perform these things but when we were looking at these BDSM sites he said I was "sick" and there was something wrong with me. What do I do?

OK - Not what you'd call an every day question.

Though this is simply a considerably more extreme version of the classic "I like X and my partner doesn't." Plus, it sounds fun to answer, so hold on to your hats and monocles! Anyone under 18 - stop reading now and skip to the final paragraph.

One important question you neglected to answer. Top or Bottom? If top, you are probably SOL. A lot of guys simply don't like the lack of control and reject it, often violently. You have to accept that, in that case. No one should ever be coerced into doing something that repells them - not even guys. Sorry.

Now if you prefer Bottom - you can probably get him to play, with a bit of effort on your part. It's Christmas. Tie yourself in a ribbon or two and be waiting when he gets home. Remove the remote control batteries and all beer from the fridge first though, if you decide not to stage it downstairs, otherwise it could be hours before he finds you.

Look - you have needs and fantasies. He does too. Talk them out - in bed. Play them - safely - if you wish. But don't force someone to do something they are not cool with. That shifts things from fun, consensual pleasure, to perverse.

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Sex columnist Dan Savage has a lot of good advice about introducing kinks etc. to your vanilla partner.

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