First of all, I disagree with the claim that there is no such thing as closure. What about looking up an old boyfriend you are pining for on Facebook and finding out that he's married with a kid? Now that's closure! What about people who reconnect with an estranged parent or loved one? If closure didn't exist, we would all be a bunch of nutso basket cases. You can get closure on this and move on. I believe in you.
There is a reason he pulled away: he was done with the relationship. It's not your fault; he had strong feelings for you at one point, but they went away. He realized that you were not the one, and he moved on. It is hard, I know. But the sooner you accept that he was not the one for you, the sooner you will achieve this mystical thing called "closure."
You are an awesome, amazing, sexy, witty, incredible person who deserves better than some guy who all of sudden decides he doesn't want to be with you. Tell yourself this every day, and tell yourself that Mike (or Dave or Tim or whatever his name is) was too stupid to realize this. Tell yourself that he'll probably end up alone if it makes you feel better. But, most importantly, stop pining for him. Delete him from your phone, defriend him on every social networking site, throw out every photo of the two of you together. (If you look particularly hot in a photo, PhotoShop him out of it.) Go out and have fun. Hang out with friends. Sign up for a dating website. Flirt with that coworker you kind of had a little crush on when you had a boyfriend. Go be awesome, and stop walking around with the weight of this past relationship on your shoulders.
I'm telling you, the second you stop pining for your ex, a whole new world will open up. People who never noticed you before because you looked unhappy and unapproachable will suddenly want to talk to you. Old flames will resurface; your smile will inspire guys at bars to talk to you and coffee baristas to put an extra shot in your latte. In time, you will meet someone else and fall head over heels and completely forget that your ex ever existed. Then one day you'll see on Facebook that he's in a relationship and you won't care. You'll go, "Huh, Mike has a girlfriend now. Ugh, look at his stupid sweater. What did I ever see in him?," and move on.
And that, my dear friend, is closure.
There is a reason he pulled away: he was done with the relationship. It's not your fault; he had strong feelings for you at one point, but they went away. He realized that you were not the one, and he moved on. It is hard, I know. But the sooner you accept that he was not the one for you, the sooner you will achieve this mystical thing called "closure."
You are an awesome, amazing, sexy, witty, incredible person who deserves better than some guy who all of sudden decides he doesn't want to be with you. Tell yourself this every day, and tell yourself that Mike (or Dave or Tim or whatever his name is) was too stupid to realize this. Tell yourself that he'll probably end up alone if it makes you feel better. But, most importantly, stop pining for him. Delete him from your phone, defriend him on every social networking site, throw out every photo of the two of you together. (If you look particularly hot in a photo, PhotoShop him out of it.) Go out and have fun. Hang out with friends. Sign up for a dating website. Flirt with that coworker you kind of had a little crush on when you had a boyfriend. Go be awesome, and stop walking around with the weight of this past relationship on your shoulders.
I'm telling you, the second you stop pining for your ex, a whole new world will open up. People who never noticed you before because you looked unhappy and unapproachable will suddenly want to talk to you. Old flames will resurface; your smile will inspire guys at bars to talk to you and coffee baristas to put an extra shot in your latte. In time, you will meet someone else and fall head over heels and completely forget that your ex ever existed. Then one day you'll see on Facebook that he's in a relationship and you won't care. You'll go, "Huh, Mike has a girlfriend now. Ugh, look at his stupid sweater. What did I ever see in him?," and move on.
And that, my dear friend, is closure.
This is exactly what I needed to hear right now... I didn't post this question but I may as well have. I've been attempting to find closure for 3 months now and I really need to snap out of it soon. Im fairly certain that my ex's silence is all the closure I'm gonna get...
Great answer and advice, Nick. I think we've all gone through bouts of pining for exes and wonder "what if the relationship didn't end?" You gave the perfect advice to this girl who really sounded like she needed words of support. I've been single since May of last year and only recently have I put myself out there and "broke out of my shell," so to speak... so far I've gotten so much more attention from guys who I've met. I have met some really awesome guys who have become really great friends and one guy in particular who I think really has boyfriend material potential. It really comes down to something my mom told me recently: "Don't wait around and hope it happens for you. Get out there and make it happen."
I attain closure by deleting the person's number off my cell, and blocking them on FB (that kills the urge to, "look them up") ... thats the best way to not have anything to do with someone. If they are able to toss you aside like a rag, you have the right to move on with your life.
You have NO IDEA how much this answer helped me. Thank you.
Thank you...I needed that too.
Wow..
Great answer!
It was a great answer! I think what the magazine meant is you'll never find closure from wondering out what went wrong by finding out what went wrong. With that I agree. I think people take magazine articles a little too seriously...its entertainment and possibly some good guidelines but not a manual to life LOL.
I love that so many girls are in the same place I am right now. I couldn't understand why me ex could just dump me, But this really truely helps! Thanks Nick!
AWESOME answer. =)
Nick your girlfriend is a very lucky lady..
Great Answer!
Wow! Beautifully put. You should be a personal motivator. :)
Yes, there is closure. You may have to create it for yourself, and whatever process it may take ..it can be you writing him a letter, or email but never sending it, or spending time by yourself, or getting rid of any of his things at your house. I did that..after a 10 year relationship, the Ex just left and that was it. Never called or responded to my emails. But for myself, I let go. I learned how to Love Myself regardless of how he did or didn't treat me. Long story short, a year later the Ex has the nerve to try to reconnect but I didn't even respond. That was a clear enough message that I was over it. Revene is best served with Your happines, now I'm in a healthy and happy relationship. Good luck !
I needed this as well. Problem is, though, I feel like my sitch is opposite. I'm the one trying to move on, and I've given all the signs etc. and yet, he's not really accepting that we're pretty much over. When one person in the relationship keeps asking questions, like why? how? what? when? it's like, are you a glutton for punishment? Just leave it be, and don't ask, because really, what good will that do you? You'll just continue to hear things you probably don't really want to know, might hurt your self-esteem and therefore you won't be able to move on b/c you'll be depressed or second-guessing your awesomeness, etc. you might find that they weren't even faithful...just leave it alone.
"I've given all the signs etc. and yet, he's not really accepting that we're pretty much over."
Um... have you actually told him you're over? Otherwise you can't really blame him for wanting to know what's going on.
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